It's almost impossible not to think about him - him being with her. I actually picture them together and it makes me sick. The thought of them on vacation at a resort, doing the things my STBX and I used to do together just kills me.
You are correct that the good part of my wife is gone. In fact, she's been changing for the past 8-10 years while she worked for him and he had control over her. The one thing she hates more than anything is when someone tries to control her. He's so good at it, she doesn't see it.
I am trying to focus on me and my kids. I am basically starting the DBing process all over again, since I am at yet another new phase.
The last time I spoke to STBX when I told her that I know about her affair (she thinks she has the right, since we are separated) she screamed "I'm done, I'm done" and made it clear she wants no contact from me at all. So, I have promised myself that I will not contact her at all until her birthday on June 23. We met 23 years on her birthday. On that day, I will simply call to wish her Happy Birthday and to ask how she is doing, but make sure not to ask any prying questions.
I have broken so many promises to myself, that I wonder if I can keep this one. I know I should not be thinking of her at all, but I need a target date to work towards or I just won't have a goal and will wind up contacting even sooner.
I managed to sleep for a couple hours last night. Tonight I will take a sleeping pill and hopefully get my first good nights sleep in a few days.
One positive note: my son and I are almost back to normal.
