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My Sitch threads

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...669#Post2134669

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2146256&page=1

So, yesterday, I am driving home and I get an email from the lawyer..I had just passed by his office. So I pull over and read the D papers. It took less then 10 minutes from me getting the email and going to his office to sign them. So in another 30 days or so, I will be Divorced. I was happy yesterday signing them, but today I am a bit numb. Even after what happened to me with my W's cousin, I just don't know that I want her anymore. My plan is to go on with my life but be open to whatever happens. But I am no longer going to live "as if" she will be in my life. I kind of feel like a failure today, but will try my hardest to snap out of it. I want to be happy.

You aren't a failure by any means. I would be surprised if you actually felt joy.
Just keep your head held high...you can do this.

Brian - hang in there, buddy. Don't forget to continue working on yourself. You are absolutely not a failure. You have come so far since you started posting on this forum. I've seen it and I do not doubt others have seen it as well.

I think you have a good plan for now. Go on with your life and be open to whatever happens. I still believe God is moving in your sitch - so be open to that.

We all will be. TIME. It will take time. We are all too strong not to be. We have nothing to be ashamed of. None of us will fail if we continue to be true to ourselves.

Head high.

Brian, you are never a failure for trying to work on your marriage man. It takes strength, patience, belief in marriage to walk this path.

Brian, you will get through this some day. We all will. I think we are people with integrity and that counts for something.

Keep living one day at a time and you will see.

Failures are people that give up. I mean the WAS's. They are the ones that effed up big time.

9

Brian it was nice to know you here. Head up, keep strong, keep learning. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.
I wish you much happiness and success in the future.

I've got the fire back in me now. I sent my exW a picture on Sunday night of our dog that we had to put down a few weeks ago. I was crying when I sent it because we both loved her so much. It was a really good picture and I wanted her to have it. She responded this morning with the following.

W: When was this pic taken? Its really good. I don't think I ever seen it.

W: I mis her so much. I can't look at it. It makes me cry.

Me: I'm not sure when it was taken...but I am with you one that...when I found it, I started crying...just thought you would want ythat picture because it was a good one. Look at me now..tearing up thinking about her.

W: I know everything has changed so much she's gone and things are not the same with anything anymore.

Me: No they are not. But this is the hand we were dealt and we just go on and make the best of it. Regardless of everything, nothing can take away how much we love her and we were blessed to have her in our life.

W: I know u r right. But it still really weird the way things are now with us. I guess in time we will figure things out. How to be friends. I miss my other puppies.

Me: I know you miss them...You can come see them.

I am going to be totaly honest with you...I think you have some anger or resentment towards me. For us to be friends, you are going to have to work that out. Whenver you do, just let me know.

W: U are right I do. I didn't want this but felt I had no choice in it. I will try and work through my feelings.

Me: Something I am learning about me is that I have a choice in everything I do or feel. Ican choose to be miserable or be happy. I choose happy. I can't continue to think my actions are not of my choosing. The things I do or say isn't because of someone else, it is because I did or said them. Knowing this has helped me tremendously.

I felt good about the conversation because I got to tell her what I thought and felt. I have know for some time that she had some issues with me (she had always said there was no anger there at all). Her admiting it is a step forward for her healing process. What I didn't know was that she felt she had no choice..I am assuming she is meaning the divorce. If she didn't want it, then why do it? Of course, I can't say that to her. I think what I did reply will do two things (I hope). It should let her know that we have a choice in everything we do. She made a choice, she could have stayed if she wanted to. It will also show her how much I have grown. That I am taking responsibility for my words and actions. This is a HUGE 180 and I am sure it will hit home with her.

I wanted so bad to add more, but I know I said just enough to make my point. She has been contacting me more recently...and I will journal all of that for you in a bit. Just wanted to get this out there.

Brian

Hey Brian:

I have buried at work but am happy to finally have some time to weigh in.

You asked if your XW didn't want the D why did she do it. Two reasons....pride and stubornness. If your XW changed her mind about going thru with her initial decision to do this, then it would like you manipulated her (again), that she can't make a decision on her own. Warped logic? Indeed. But pride can be a very powerful and dangerous tool when used in this manner (IMHO). Also, it's about control and the WAS need to feel they are in control of their lives; finally and that means we interfere with that control.

The idea of getting a D and having it actually happen are 2 completely different mindsets. The idea is the trap and the action is the relality if that makes any sense.

You need to keep having the new Brian shine thru. One of things we all have done was take immediate action to heal ourselves. Some people never get to this place and it doesn't matter how or why we got here the point is we did. WE made that choice. We could've easily said when our S's left, F* it, why bother. But we didn't and that's why we are stronger for the choice we have made. It's so much easier to walk away then work at something isn't it? I like what 9 said....failures are people who give up and we didn't fail.

Backwards journaling. Last week, of course we signed the D papers. She text me on Thursday morning asking if I was doing anything on Friday night and if I wanted to have our dog she took with her (George) for the night. I of course said yes and that I would have cancelled plans to have him (she knew I was supposed to go to a batchelor party that weekend in Atlanta, but she didn't know I had already cancelled). So Friday morning she text me to say that she dropped him off at the vet and I can go pick him up whenever. I didn't respond..She emailed me later that morning asking me if I got her text. She had already changed her signature back to her maiden name. I ignored that email. She tried calling my twice while at work and I didn't answer.

I picked George up at 3 and went home. When I got home, the SD and I got on the computer so I could pay for her CNA class. While we were doing that, my phone rings with the exW ringtone. I ignore it. Then the house phone rings. I tell SD to just let it ring. About 10 minutes later, the house phone rings again and my SD gets it. She comes in and holds out the phone to me. I talk to my SD for about 3 minutes while she is holding the phone then take. it.

My exW asked if I was not talking to her now. I laughed and said no. She said that was a nervous laugh and what was wrong. I told her nothing was wrong and laughed again. She said, tell me what was wrong. I told her nothing and asked her what she needed. She asked 2 more times then finally said "promise?" (What..are we in high school agaon) All she wanted to tell me was that the dog fell off the bed the other night and to make sure he was ok...She couldn't text that???? Had to be a "I miss him and want to talk moment".

Saturday, she called twice again (and I ignored it). Finally, she text me and I responded. Later that night I dropped him off at her parents for her to pickup (with some of her mail and a check I needed her to sign for me). I got a call later on from her parents house and answered it...It was her. She just had some small talk questions and that was it.

Tell me if I am looking at this wrong or not...

I see that she is really missing me, her best friend. But she is angry at me thinking it is my fault she "had to do this". I think she see's my changes and is starting to believe they are sticking....That is the part I think I am right about. Here is the part I'm not sure of...

I am wondering if she is starting to doubt herself and why she did this. Her anger at me is not for the past, but for the changes I have made since she left (like why couldn't he do that for me while I was there). That is as far as I think she is right now...