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Thanks KD. Yup, I just wanted her to talk to lawyer. Somehow she took it bad. It is because she's now realizing that her perfect world is not so perfect. I dont think she expected me to fight back. Usually i don't. But now i am and i don't think she's taking that good. I just hope she realizes how this decision of hers is affecting us so much. But looking at the way it is going, no such luck right now.

if you aint 2steping well then you just aint!! I love it

Regarding he convo it is clear she is angry and feels a sense of power and control. That's ok. She can have as much control as you allow her to have. I think you handled yourself just fine, don't allow yourself to get dragged into the gutter.

You are a citizen through M not M because of her inspite of her thanks to her thanks to you does not matter man. She can hold whatever she wants over your head and I know it it painful because you love her but you know what? Does not matter.

Hey I will let you in on a little secret! I became a US Citizen in 05' after I came back from my deployment over seas, the Army was going to kick me out because I had reached my term limit so I finally decided to stop being lazy and get it.


You are not doing anything to her. You standing up for what you believe has nothing to do with her, it has to do with you. Her choices are hers and your are yours. It is a choice and she has made it.


Did you ask her to leave?

Did you ask her to file?

Did you ask her to move several hundred miles away?

What is it that you think you are doing to her??

Thanks 2step. I really appreciate your feedback. I am having all these feelings because that is how our relationship was. Looking back it was unhealthy.

Somehow i always ended up placing a bigger trust on my wife than myself. That is why i always end up second guessing myself when it came to our relationship. Now i am having to learn a lot of 'adult' relationship stuff and i am finding it hard. But i have to push myself here if i want a healthy relationship for my future.

Journaling---

So i know that wife's old PC at her parents home has crashed. Strange because she has lots of cousins who know how to fix it. I guess there is some kind of isolation now in the family because of our sitch. Normally, i'd usually ask what was going on and tried to help them over the phone. This is how i was with my in-laws. always trying to fix things in the house for them. I liked doing that for them. Now i feel like i was taken for ride by all them. No more help from me unless it was asked.

3 years ago i bough a netbook for my wife for her b-day. She left it with me when she left. Now that the PC has crashed, i am still debating whether i should mail it to her. My family tells me not to. They say that she has to realize some difficulties without me in the picture. I am on the fence on this one...

I agree with your family on the netbook issue. Not to be vindictive, but because they do need to realize losses. You can't (and shouldn't) be her knight in shining armor right now.

Karma, IMO your family is spot on correct. We all need to take responsibility for the consequences of our decisions. LBS on this board seem to do this well before our WAS do.

You are not being mean or vindictive here. You are enabling her to grow.

Thanks JS, LP. Sorry could not get back sooner. computer issues...

Journalling....

Wow lots of drama this weekend.

On Friday i called up usual time to talk to daughter. Daughter was acting up and did not want to talk to me. She was playing pretend making a cake for mommy. So i played along and after a while i asked her if she'd like to make a cake for daddy. She said "no. You are all by yourself". This really took me back. She's only 3 years old. No way she would have known that by herself....

I asked talk to wife and tell her this. She tells me she has no idea how daughter is picking up these. Then she says "It could be because she does not see you". I think then i lost it a bit. I told her "Yup wife. She does not see me. I know that. She is supposed to see me and you everyday. She is supposed to grow up between us, not 210 miles away from her nana(dad). I hope you get that". I could not talk anymore. I hung up.

I dunno. I was already fearing that daughter might start reacting to our situation. She has started. I am not sure if it was right for me to get upset like that at wife. But i feel that if i was quiet, she would not know how daughter is getting affected.

I later texted her that i'd call and talk again on saturday.

There was more drama that happened on Sunday. That's in my next post.

Back to updating what transpired on weekend.

Saturday was okay. Went biking for 2 hours. Had good workout. Then did yardwork. Talked with daughter in the evening and sent an email to wife with questions on the decree.

Sunday was okay until the evening when she calls. She wanted to know what my 'goals' toward the future were, in respect to raising daughter etc. I was not sure what she meant by goals. I lashed out saying i had no goals. That i am here because she put us here etc. Needless to say i brought up our R talk and again both went down the argument lane. She basically again brought out all my issues and how she was tired dealing with them and putting our daughter in the middle of it etc. By goals she meant to know if i was looking to fight her in court or be friends with her for daughter's sake. I told her that i did not want to drag this divorce to court. Then she kept telling me how much she is sacrificing. I really no longer wanted to fight her anymore. Then we ended the conversation...

I know it should not come as a shock, but every time we talk i have this imaginary conversation in my head where wife mentions as to how we should try again and i would jump up and go get my family. But everytime I just set myself up for failure. I guess it has not yet sunk in that this marriage is over. Yesterday she has made it even more clearer. She even said that she was ready to fight this out in the court and that is why she picked a good lawyer. Just hurts like hell that your mate is turning into this grotesque monster....

Had a talk with my dad this morning about last evening's episode with wife. My dad has been quite helpful, knowing very well that i'd like to get back with my wife.

He said that i should have played it cool yesterday telling her that my goal was to get the family back. Maybe the convo would have headed in a different direction. While i agree, i think i was simmering with anger with all that was going on and it just boiled off when W called yesterday. I am tired of this. Takes all my energy to deal with the decree cr%p and the emotional aspect of it all.

One thing that really irks me is that wife is surrounded my her entire family to help her out with daughter. She has the emotional support system and people to talk to at home. I wonder how she would have fared if she had to live by herself, take care of daughter and possibly work....

sorry, i am venting. Very angry today.