I think that it would be okay if you asked him yourself but make sure that you have no expectations and I would do it via email. So as to avoid a discussion over the matter, he will either do one or the other.......his decision.....right???
Why pay the Lawyers anymore money to accomplish a simple thing.
Hope everything else is going well.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I agree with MHL. There's no need to pay attorneys any more money than you have to. In my situation H/XH's attorney did things to rack up charges (H/XH told me this and this appeared to be the case from the outside as well). H/XH's attorney also pushed H/XH toward D.
If you and H are on speaking terms it is best not to involve other people in this conversation. They will only serve to muddy the waters. This is one of the points where all of your DB'ing can pay off. You have been kind and generous with H. He will hopefully choose to show some consideration for you.
If you meet with H to have this convo you can read the non-verbal cues he gives you.........but I think that if you choose to discuss this with H yourself, you should do it in a setting (i.e. phone, in person, in a public place, at your home, etc.) in which you feel comfortable.
I'm really going back and forth on this one! My concern is will I be able to handle myself with dignity and grace IF he says he wants to go thru with the D rather than a LS....I think I am prepared for that. Since he will be bringing the kids home, I assume we will have the talk here at home. I will try and be aware of the "non-verbal" cues.
Hope all is well with you!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I have had the shock of my life today...I need words of wisdom!
My H asked me today if I would let him come home.
I started to type out all the gory details of our conversation but decided to put down the basics for now as I am going to need advice as soon as possible!
-He's been thinking about this for awhile -Wanted to talk to me after our settlement meeting but I didn't come out right away -He has been coming in and lingering when he drops off the kids to get a feel for where I am at -He said he misses the kids, me, grandkids etc -He doesn't want me and the kids to have to sell the house and move -He said he has made mistakes and knows that he is going to have to make it right with everyone including God -From some of the things he said, I thinks some of why he wants to come home is money related -I don't think he has hit rock bottom yet -He said he is not happy -H will need a few days to get things in order "there" (OW's) -He said is will do whatever it takes, counseling, talking with the priest etc. -He said he is going to call his L tomorrow and try to put the D on hold (our court date is this Friday)
There is so much more but this is the gist of it!
I have one DB coaching session and I am going to try to talk with her tomorrow...guess there is a reason I have not used it all this time!
Is it crazy to say I have dreamed of this day and now that it is here I am not excited about it? This was the last thing I expected to happen today...I really had gotten to the point of accepting that a D was happening...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Wow CW. I have hoped and prayed for this day to happen with my W.
Quote:
Is it crazy to say I have dreamed of this day and now that it is here I am not excited about it?
So are congrats in order?
I don't have much wisdom since I am fairly new here but:
Quote:
From some of the things he said, I thinks some of why he wants to come home is money related.
Make sure he comes home for the right reasons. Don't want to let him back too early you know?
Take care.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
No kidding a shock! One we all pray for, but you are having what I feel is the correct response. Now, easier said than done, but you seem aware that words are cheaper than actions. FWIW, take things v-e-r-y---s-l-o-w-l-y. See if he follows through on what he has said he will do. Try to think clearly about what a new set of boundaries would be like IF you agreed to work on this. I believe it's the only way to see if he is sincere and in for the long haul.
One more thing, CONGRATULATIONS! No matter the outcome, you know you did everything you could do, and he noticed. Now, I suggest you get to talking to the big man upstairs about this ASAP.
I've given a little thought to what I might do if something similar happened to me (the chances of which seem little to none right now). I think I would be inclined to say that we could talk about H coming home, but not until all contact with any OW has stopped. While H works on that, I think I would start seeing a counselor to help me decide if I really wanted to R, and if so, what boundaries I can and should set.
Whatever you do, do it thoughtfully, purposely, and slowly. Give yourself plenty of time to think this through. There is no need to rush to a decision, especially if H is not done yet. Things could still turn on a dime. And remember -- no expectations.
(((CW)))
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
