Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers He's not gone yet but says his feelings are gone

^

So things have definitely improved. After another weekend of H being withdrawn and obviously thinking about things, he told me Sunday night that he wants to stay and try to make it work. He said he knows it will take a while, and we'll do therapy together and alone, but he wants to see where it goes. He still doesn't feel attraction towards me yet. But, there is hope and lots of it. I still feel like I don't have a good idea of what it is he is looking in our marriage. What it is that made him disillusioned in the first place. My IC (who also does our MC) agreed with me that there is a degree of MLC going on with H. I want things to instantaneously be great again. But I know I have to be patient and keep doing things for me, and working on my issues as well. He says that he knows not all of this was because of me (and my depression) but that a large part of it is.

I'm just not sure how to act now. He's happy to talk about things at any time. I just don't know if I can run up to him and give him a kiss, because I'll still be worried that he's not attracted to me and won't want it, or it will feel uncomfortable. Not that he's acted this way. As a matter of fact, after we talked Sun night he came up and hugged me and kissed me tenderly.

I'm happy but still so sad. I want to start the work NOW and make progress. Patience isn't my strong suit.

Day 5 of our "new sitch." We had a discussion the other night about boundaries. Specifically, physical. Like I said, I want to hug and kiss him and want things instantly back to normal, but I'm acutely aware that he said his attraction for me isn't back. I instantly want things to be back the way they were, but I know that isn't going to happen.

Basically, he said he doesn't know what to do either. At the same time we are working on our M, I am working through some past trauma. He said he didn't want to do anything to jeapordize what I'm working on and he's just now sure how to go about things. It seems he's waiting on our MC appt next Friday to see how she recommends moving forward. To me, the attraction and spark isn't going to reignite until we can have some romantic moments. During our convo Sun. night, I mentioned having a date night, but he seemed to think that was moving a bit fast. In our most recent discussion, he said he wasn't sure if sex was a good idea or not, and he wanted to ask our C, but maybe it was. He's sending confusing signals.

But for now, he's comfortable hugging & small kisses, and cuddling. I'll take it! Hopefully being close stirs something in him. He's still leaving open possibility that things won't work, and that's what scares me. I'm worried that he won't be attracted to me again. I think it's a mental thing, and once you open yourself up to the possibility, it can happen. But I don't know and I feel very powerless about where this goes.

HbH,

My H has had to see our MC alone on a couple of occasions and he reallly seems to like it. The fact that he is willing to go alone seems positive to me. I really trust the MC and if there IS anything he needs to say because he can't say it with me there, I know she will help him to see his behavior...and mine and how it all inter-relates.

Things sound positive for you from my perspective. Keep up the good work. If you find yourself getting too anxious, just focus on YOU and what you want for yourself. I found that worked for me.