I actually stated that wrong on here. I did validate it for her somewhat, but I do think I could have took it a little further now that I look at the convo again. We went back and forth after that about our D2.
Wife just texted me a short video of our D2 in the tub....was pretty cute!
W called me last night and this morning. Both times just to talk about little things. A lot of contact from her. I decided to try something bold. I work out at the YMCA in town. They had an advertisement for a 5k run on May 21. My w had told me that she and her mom had been running after work lately. I stay in pretty good shape myself, better since the S. Anyways I asked her if she wanted to do it with me. She hem-ho ed around with the idea for a minute and then told me that she didn't think she was ready for something like that. I didn't push it, just said "ok" and kept the convo moving.
been a long time since i posted an update. here is kind of a brief overview. i still live at our house waiting for it to sell. we exchange D2 every other night and weekend. when w doesn't have D2, she stays by OM's apartment. she is growing impatient with the house not selling and has been kicking around the idea that we should just let it go into foreclosure bc she is so tired of living at her mom's and not having her things around her. i am fighting that idea adimently. we both have really good credit and this would just destroy it. also, if this m does not make it, i would like to buy a house of my own after the dust from a d settles. i hate renting! mother's day was up and down. i was up north for the weekend, w had D2. i came back early sunday afternoon. had talked to w earlier in the day about dropping off a gift bag with a couple of small things i had gotten for her. she ssaid that sounded good. when i called her to come over she said she was not at home and wouldn't be until 5 or 6. i could tell the conversation that she was with OM's house. this pissed me off. i told her i would just drop it off now anyways.
i have been continplating blocking her on fb for a while, so when i got home i went online and did it. by this time she was home and saw her gift. she called me but i was on the line with a friend so i ignored it. she then texted for me to call her. i knew i was still mad and should calm down, so i decided to wait an hour before calling her back. she also texted asking why i had taken her off fb. must have tried to look at my page.
when i did call her, she told me how much she liked everything and that the gifts made her cry. they were things that only i would know she liked. she then asked me about the fb thing. i just said it was time. that i didn't need to she her with OM on there. this started a whole conversation about our R. i tried to validate but will admit at a couple of points i did say things i regret. in the convo she told me she was going to file by the end of the month (this ha yet to happen....thank god). the convo was really just going over things we had already discussed, problems, who's to blame, future....
this lead to little contact for a few days. i wish i had stuck to my plan to wait until after mother's day to do the fb thing. she was so moved by my gifts and the mood totally changed when she saw she was deleted. we are beginning to talk again more. her phone calls are increasing. i did learn alot from the sitch and have been feeling alot better about our recent convo's
gotta go. i will try to keep up on this forum more often, i do really appreciate the feedback
Need to get back on the forum. Here's an overview of what is happening with old IW. In the middle of june we got an offer on our house. we countered and they accepted. However, the accepted offer is 3000 less than what we owe on the house and the realtor takes 5%. Nice huh! We are not set to close until aug 31st. Haven't heard our banks final word on what will become of the remaining balance yet. The W and I talk a few times a week. She initiates 90% of the phone calls or texts. She did come over a couple of weeks ago and we went through the basement and divided it up. Was so strange, we reminisced about a bunch of good times while doing it and had some good laughs.
My W had our D2 on the fourth but I could pick her up at 5 at her mom's. Her mom was having a get together when I got there. I parked on the street and saw. OM's truck parked out there. I got a huge pit in my stomach. I walked up the drive. OM was sitting on the porch. When he saw me he immediately headed into the house. I got D2 from my W and abruptly left. Just wanted to get as far away from this living hell as possible. Took D2 to the lake and then home. What a horrible end to my day.
The next friday D2 and I were leaving for our long weekend in cali with an old AF buddy and his family. My W dropped off D2 by me early that morning. I could see how much it hurt her to leave our D2. When she left, she couldn't look at me bc she was breaking down. We landed in cali and went straight to disney. This was something I wasn't sure about doing bc when my M was good, W and I always talked about taking her there together. In fact on father's day I, I told my W that I would be taking D2 to disney. I could tell she hadn't even thought about it bc she stopped in her tracks and got very silent. She finally made a comment about how we both were going to have to miss things.
Alright here's something else that has been going on. My cali buddy and his W know about my M sitch. On memorial day weekend I received a random text from his sister. Apparently his W and her were having a few cocktails and began talking about me. His sister is recently divorced. I texted back and we began to talk. Funny thing is my friends W was trying to help me put my M back together until she saw the pics my W had posted on fb of her and OM and comments she was making. So now she wanted to hook me up.
Sissy and me began texting regularly and one night finally called each other. It really felt good to talk to someone that knew how I was feeling and we hit it off. I will also admit that sissy is very attractive.
She is a teacher with a lot of time off in the summer. So she comes to her brother's place and helps take care of their 3 kids in the summer. The weekend I was there, she was also staying there. Well you can guess the rest. I did sleep with her while I was there. She is not the first woman I have been with either. I was with a girl at the end of april and two others between then and sissy. All have been one nighters.
I continue to talk to sissy quite a bit. Also she is coming out for the labor day weekend. I do have feelings for this girl, but I still am only in love with my wife. I don't see my W and OM's relationship showing any signs of slowing down.
I recently have rented a duplex in town and will begin to move my things next week. I am ready to be out of this house. Funny thing is, my W, who couldn't wait to be out of her mom's place, said she is going to stay living there for awhile. Wants to catch up on some bills before she moves out. She hasn't even brought up Divorce since mother's day, even now that the house has sold. Maybe it is just supposed to be implied. Idk! One thing that really threw me, the night she came to divide up our things, she asked if we could take D2 to the county fair together. I have D2 that weekend, I doubt she would have asked if she had her. I said that it would be fine with me. When the fair comes in two weeks, we'll see if she brings it up again. I'm not going too
I certainly don’t look down on it. But I have given it some though. Mainly based on my own events, and how it worked for me.
First, for me, I had no feelings for the OW I saw at all. It was simply for “fun” and ultimately understood to be a distraction.
So, I can see out it would be different if you actually did have feelings for the person.
However, you did state that you still only love your W. So the question of whether it is fair to OW? It is a fair question to ask. But that is not my focus. You can decide for yourself.
For me, my decision came, like I noted above, that it was only a distraction.
And what I found was, the distraction that is harmful is not the distraction from the negatives (thinking of W, D, OM, etc) but a distraction from the positives.
It kept me from having to actually look at me, what I really wanted, how I was going to actually move forward, learn from this, accept what is, and bring peace back into my life.
So at the end of the day, I look back at it as time wasted.
Now, your sitch may be different. You may find that it does really help you move forward. But I would keep on eye on this and answer the question honestly, for you.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
thanks for the feedback Country. This girl living in Cailfornia will keep it from ever becoming a "real' relationship. She has two boys and can't leave that area either. Maybe this is why i feel comfortable with her. i have thought about it a few times and wonder if i would act this way if she was just down the street. i'm not sure of the answer. it is nice to talk to someone that understands how i feel in alot of ways. she booked her tickets last night to come out for labor day weekend. i'd be lying if i didn't say i wasn't excited for that weekend.
as far as my w goes, she has called me the last two nights, and the conversations have been good. we talk about a wide variety of things and not just our D2. on weds night, she sent me two pictures of our D2. one was of her at the park on monday night and was labeled so. the other was a picture of D2 in her room and was labeled "Mini me says night night daddy." i liked how personal this one was. i responded about an hour later "good night ladies. sweet dreams."
overall i am very torn right now. i don't know if i see cracks in my w's armor or if she is just buttering me up to get a joint-filing soon. time will tell. she hasn't said anything else about the fair next weekend and i will stick to my guns and let her bring it up again, not me. i will say this, she does seem to be talking to me more about what she is doing with her time and what is going on with her family. i'll just keep chugging along i guess.
