Had my D2 tuesday night. She was up most of the night coughing and vomited in the early morning. I decided to take the day off and called my W to tell her. She had a million questions about D2 and repeatedly volunteered to stay home with her instead. I answered everything and reassured her that I could handle this. Well D2 kept getting worse so I made her a doctor's appt. and tried to get as many fluids in her as I can. W called on her lunch to check on D2. I told her she was getting worse and my W says "while I'll call and make her an appt. for the doctor for tonite." I think she was so surprised when I said I had I handled already and I would call her when it's over.
Went to the doctor, D2 has a sinus infection. I went to walgreens, got her meds. The doctor said that our needed to keep fluids in her. Since my W was picking her up would probably want to head straight home and bc I know she is very short on money, I stopped and got her a bunch of stuff for our D2. W calls on he way from work, it is about a half hour drive, and we had one of the best convo's we've had in months. D2 was napping. We really laughed, she brought up old stories from the past, gossip, you name it. First time in a long time, I feel like I talked to that person I fell in love with. Exchange went good and a lot of texting all night.
W has D2 at home all day and I will pick her up from her tonight after work. Game face will be on.
I can only attribute this to the fact that I really hit one outta the park yesterday with my D2.
Country and Sandi, as always, thanks for checking in!!
It can be scary when you have a little one that sick. Hope she's doing a lot better by today.
When your W sees that you are not trying to punish her (your W)by keeping her from contacting D2 and that you really do have the child's best interest at heart, I think it help the co-parenting run more smoothly. You will always be connected to W by this little girl and you want that part to be friends & cooperative.
I know it must be awful to even try to separate the MR from parenting, etc. The family is a unit that's held together by love, so how do you do that? I think you will figure this out as time goes by. One day at a time, one step at a time.
Maybe you could try and make some goals for yourself. Maybe have an agenda for the entire month for you GAL, and for you and D2 together.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
here's a few goals and plans I have for the upcoming month or so
Weds: taking D2 to story-time at the library. I'm going to let my W know about it and tell her she is welcome to join us.
Sat-sun: I have my D2 this weekend and am meeting my brother and his family at a waterpark. I'm not going to invite my W, but since I will have my D2 out of town, overnight, I will tell her about it. I'm really excited about this one.
Good friday: my best friend is coming to visit. Gonna hit the town and have a few laughs
GOALS:
-Not to drink at all this week
-make it to the gym three times this week. Been slacking lately
-i feel I don't concentrate on my D2 enough when I have her. I will putmy phone in the other room and give her my full attention. Like MWD says "you can't relive their childhood."
-i would like my W to invite me to something with our D2
Just a short list. I think this may help me to get more focused on DBing again. I feel it is on my mind but I have been slipping lately.
Had a showing on my house yesterday. Haven't heard anything, so I guessing the people aren't interested. This winter I really didn't want the house to sell but now I am definentlty reaching the point were I just want to move on with my life. I feel like I have this black cloud looming over my head. I need to find out if this is what my W really wants or if she will decide that our family is worth saving. If not I want to get this over with and start rebuilding my life.
Sandi's right---your goals for yourself are great.
Originally Posted By: Country_Song
I agree with sandi, except for:
Quote:
-i would like my W to invite me to something with our D2
This seems like more of a wish than a goal. What can you do to work towards this goal?
Actually, in terms of RELATIONSHIP GOALS aka DB GOALS...this is a nearly perfectly stated goal.
And Country Song's question is nearly perfect as well.
What would have to come before she would invite you to do something with your D2? What would be the FIRST sign that you were headed in that direction? What would you have to do differently to make that happen?
This is EXACTLY how you DB. You make small goals, you work to achieve them. Making progress towards them is baby steps, achieving them is success. Achieving a lot of those goals / having them snowball, or take on the momentum of building the marriage is major success. EVERYONE has to keep it up, so there is never a done deal...a marriage is a living thing. Celebrate your successes, believe in them.
What would have to come before she would invite you to do something with your D2?
I would say that before she would invite me along, she would have to feel that we can be comfortable enough around each other to spend this time together. That the time together won't be one big "awkward silence."
What would be the first sign that your headed in that direction?
I believe talking on the phone more than texting. Having longer conversations about things other than our D2. Her confiding in me about something that is going on in her life. Her accepting my invites to join D2 and I.
What would I have to do differently to make it happen?
Call more, it's way more personal than a text. Keep finding new things for my D2 and I to do together. I.e....stay mysterious! I need to work towards validating her feelings when I do talk to her and not be a Mr. Fixit. I believe this will help to open the communication lines even more.
well little update for ya'll. W had D2 for the weekend. i talked to w on sunday morning. i was going to be running around town and she asked if i could drop off D2 wagon bc it was so nice out and they wanted to go for a walk. dropped it off, didn't stay too long, talked to w and her family. as always it was very pleasant. went to leave and my D2 clung to me crying and begging me to not go. that was hard! when i got home i got a text from w "she is ok now and napping. don't you hate that." i wrote back "ofcoarse i hate it. not an easy thing to do." why would she bring this up? anyways w and i texted back and forth most of the day about odds and ends. she calls me almost every night on her way home to talk about whatever. i find it funny bc she calls to ask some little question that could either wait or be texted. our convos usually last about 20 min. on monday i told her that story-time was at the library on weds and she was welcome to join us. i also told her that i would have D2 out of town this weekend. she said she knew bc she saw a comment of mine to my brother on fb. she then had to inform me that she would also be out of town. not really relivent information to me. i know she will be with OM. i just quickly say ok and keep the convo moving. it does bother me but i ain't gonna let her know. i do like talking to her. we do do alot of laughing and i think she likes it too, but am i really getting anywere?? gotta go will post more tonight
After the different phases I have been through in my sitch, I don't think you are in a bad position. Being comfortable with eachother is a good thing IMO.
As nice as it is to talk to her, I still think you should make sure you are not always there for her. Friendly but mysterious. I had it for a while!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Country Well I do feel I am deep into the friend zone, I get what your saying. It is a fine line, being there for her and being needy. One of the reasons we broke up was bc we lost our friendship. She lost trust in me, felt she couldn't tell me about things important to her, and that makes it very hard to stay intimate. I know there is OM and I most certainly know that the WAW is almost unpredictable, I need her to she me as a rock for her. I need to have an ace in the hole on the OM. I think it will help me in the long run.
More people are finding out about the OM. We live in a small area and people love to gossip. I am embarrassed. Takes a huge tole on your manhood. Need to stay busy with D2 this weekend and keep my mind under control.
