BUT. I think 2step also feels that she is detaching for real and may be the next step for this being a permanent separation. That is the toughest thing to try and balance. Going dark may mean out of site out of mind and lets move on, permanently.
Sounded like a good conversation but that may mean the beginning to the end. One never really knows. Maybe she doesnt even know for sure.
Thats why this is all so convuluted. There are no blueprints to navigate , its all speculation.
Hope you are taking the positives 2step.
9
I'd guess she probably doesn't even know herself. Keep doing what you're doing 2step. You never can tell with these WAW's.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You know its funny. I wish we could sit down and talk to our waw's and have them really, really think this through.
I have talked to some divorced people where there were affairs and almost to the person they wish they would have handled things differently and stayed with their spouses.
Unless there was abuse or alcholism or gambling problems, for the most part, things could have been worked out without going down this road.
I fully believe my W will fee this way in a few years. One of my collegues said that I should just let her go and if she is LUCKY enough to realize what she had is still available, then she can make things work out.
But many of these WAW's dont get that chance because the LBS eventually gets stronger and then moves on.
SAD
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
My W is at a crossroads, I feel it. Which direction she will go is anybody's guess. I know in which direction she is looking though; or at least I am pretty sure.
I hope she takes the road back to 2step. As I continually read on these forums, patience, patience and more patience.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You know its funny. I wish we could sit down and talk to our waw's and have them really, really think this through.
I have talked to some divorced people where there were affairs and almost to the person they wish they would have handled things differently and stayed with their spouses.
Unless there was abuse or alcholism or gambling problems, for the most part, things could have been worked out without going down this road.
I fully believe my W will fee this way in a few years. One of my collegues said that I should just let her go and if she is LUCKY enough to realize what she had is still available, then she can make things work out.
But many of these WAW's dont get that chance because the LBS eventually gets stronger and then moves on.
SAD
9
Holy Smokes 9 - this is SO spot on what you wrote. I have heard MANY of the same storyline. Interesting huh?!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
It is interesting and sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sad at the same time. Especially when children are involved. Also, if the two people involved where not arguing all the time or abusive to each other , it doesnt make sense.
My kids NEVER knew there was a problem between us.
Time will tell all. I mentioned at one time that I wish I had a PVR to see how this plays out. The suspense is killing me.
9
Hope we are not hijacking your thread too much 2step
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
2, as always you handled yourself well and in true DB'g fashion. I do believe that your W is at a crossroads as well. Maybe time to reel her in a bit and gage where she's at or not at. IMHO, you have enough knowledge from all that you have learned to handle it w/o being pushy or having her feel pressured. Nice job!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
9 no worries. The truth of the matter is that it is very sad. In the end we live for ourselves hoping to save our M but realizing that we might not.
We come here looking for some secret sauce or phrase and realize we can only work on us. That is ok. I have seen some people make it from the ashes just in my short time here. I have seen some people leave and some people stay.
Sometimes even if you do all the right things you still won't make it.
It is reality.
My obstacle has always been the distance. I am not waving my white flag yet. I am just acknowledging that it is a possibility
Thanks all for this thread. I am still fairly new to this. I just want to take my WAW and shake her and ask her if she really knows what in the world she's doing. However, I've learned enough at this point that would be highly ineffective DB'ing and would be counterproductive.
Country I get your point. Don't think I don't. One thing that I am is stubborn some of the people who have been with me since the beginning will tell you.
I do get the no R/M talk, although back in Jan I did not.
The voice, the tone, the reaction are much more important than the words.
Scary part is I feel close to the same.
I don't think we are very far apart here at all. I am not suggesting going dark, just keeping things upbeat and light. I guess I don’t understand the fear of her becoming detached, I think all of these W’s who left are already detached. That was done most likely before they even left.
I just don’t see what positive can come from R talk at this point. Hope to change her mind?
All I am suggesting is baby steps. I think the first thing should be addressing her anger, and I think conversations like the one you had will help that much more than any R talk at this point.
Keep truckin’ man. This is a tough road and there are no easy answers. You do know your W best so use that knowledge.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
