If he's laughing at her warnings of "time-out", then he's making a game out of her discipline technique. When he's with her then she needs to show him that she is in authority over him, as his parent. She did the right thing by not having you to talk to him, b/c that little boy would have really made mom's life heck, then. Oh, and he's plenty old enough to get the message whenever his bottom is smacked, contrary to what a lot of modern-age parents may believe. That's not MWD, that's Dr. Sandi.....
I know a lot of women who tell their kids to wait till their dad gets home, meaning that he'll deal with the discipline. I don't agree with that technique of parenting. In my case, I had to do all the discipline and I hated it. My H did not admit that until last year! But you know, it hurt our R back when the kids were growing up b/c I wanted him to step up and take some of that responsibility. I felt like I had to always be the bad guy while he just sat back being the good one. But I wanted my children to be good people and not some wild child that adults hate to see coming. So, separated or not.....it's better to have both parents on the same page about discipline and not just one of them doing it.
As a side note, I was listening to Ingrid Michaelson's "Maybe", and the lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks. Heard it so many times before, but I guess I paid attention to the words this morning:
I don't want to be the one to say goodbye But I will, I will, I will And I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly But I will, I will, oh yes I will
Because maybe in the future You're gonna come back You're gonna come back around Maybe in the future You're gonna come back You're gonna come back Oh the only way to really know is to really let it go Maybe you're gonna come back You're gonna come back You're gonna come back to me
I don't wanna be the first to let it go But I know, I know, I know If you have the last hands that I want to hold Then I know I've got to let them go
Because maybe in the future You're gonna come back You're gonna come back around Maybe in the future You're gonna come back You're gonna come back Oh the only way to really know is to really let it go Maybe you're gonna come back You're gonna come back You're gonna come back
I still feel you on right side of the bed And I still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head But I'm gonna wash away Oh, I'm gonna wash away everything 'till you come home to me
Maybe in the future You're gonna come back You're gonna come back In the future You're gonna come back You're gonna come back
"Oh the only way to really know is to really let it go"
This line is good, the others are a bit too desperate sounding for my liking.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
If you do invite her to a meal, make sure you are confident in asking. If she makes a fuss, play it cool, and say "it is just to celebrate Mother's Day, nothing more". Leave it at that, do not get drawn into R talk or start apologizing for asking if she sees it as pressure and starts telling you things.
Basically if she makes a fuss, just say "it was simply an invitation to celebrate Mother's Day, if you don't want to do it, it is no big deal". Play it cool, be strong, do not get sucked into justifying your invitation.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
My wife comes by to pick our son up. As we were making our way to her car to load our son and dog, my wife was acting kinda standoffish:
W: I would like to ask you something. M: Okay, sure. W: ...Well, maybe I'll ask you later. You're probably not going to like what I'm going to ask.
After we load everybody in the car and close the doors:
W: I guess I'll go ahead and ask... W: You know my Bank of America credit card debt? Well, it's $XXXX and I use to have only $2k of debt on it. It accumulated through the years mostly because of the times you were jobless. My monthly payment is $XXX... M: No, I'll help you pay. W: Oh. Okay. W: I'll send you the bill later then. M: Okay.
So that was that. I agreed to help her because (a) I realize the financial burden I put on her/us during our marriage, (b) If I gave her a hard time about it, I'm afraid she might fight tooth and nail to get full child and spousal support from me (since she just received my divorce response paperwork saying I want less spousal support and shared child expenses, and (c) I empathize with the financial disadvantage separated/divorced women are put in, even though I know my wife should be responsible for her own actions. ...But now I'm wondering if I was too hasty in saying yes. I'm thinking I want her to itemize all the things spent whenever I was jobless over the last six (6) years, then send me the bill for those things.
Just don't get me started why I thought the expenses we accrued together was just that -- something we decided to do TOGETHER, out of unconditional love or what not.
I'm thinking I want her to itemize all the things spent whenever I was jobless over the last six (6) years, then send me the bill for those things.
If you're going to help her Alamo, at least let her know that you are willing to pay what you feel is fair. I'm sure that she would rather have some help than no help at all.
I don't empathize with the financial disadvantage of a WAW. It is their choice to put themselves in that predicament.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
