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Journaling-----

I'm still under the weather and it's really taking a toll on me.
I am exhausted and do not have much energy at all.

H stopped by yesterday and brought me some medication without me even asking. I was very appreciative. It meant a lot to me.

It's the little things I'm trying to stay positive about.

DG - feel better. Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Get some rest - give yourself permission to do so.

Yes - concentrate on the little things to stay positive about. I still think you are on a good track and you're making good progress. Just keep the momentum going.

DG, appreciate the baby steps, acknowledge them. It doe not sound like he has checked out yet.

I wish I had a crystal ball also. I probably should have paid greater attention to W’s interest in tarot. It may have given me early warning.

I agree - those little things can really add up.

I think you are gonna be ok, DG. Get yourself in a good place, follow the DB principles, and from what you are saying, I think he'll come around.

I hope you guys are right.

Silly question for you guys. Do you believe in psychics?

I ask because last summer, I had asked one if my marriage could be saved, and he told me that he sees we are soulmates.
He told me that the majority of issues were in my head (which is true)
And that he sees us apart for a while but then back together.

Obviously I'm not crazy enough to put all my faith into that reading, but it is always in the back of my mind.

Having been in show business and known many interesting people in my life, I'd have to tell you that psychics are great entertainers who are very good at telling you what you want to hear in a compelling way. I wouldn't put to much faith in it - no one, and I mean no one, can predict the future. And, who would want that? The future wouldn't be any fun if we already knew how the story ended.

However, per MWD, if you act "as if" the psychic knows what he's talking about, then that may be exactly the result, so go with it!

Also, since you've just admitted the majority of issues are in your head, the sooner you deal with those issues and put them behind you, the sooner H can come home to the terrific person you'll become - so much for not predicting the future ;-)

Great advice!! Thanks!!

Well...a minor setback happened today. A mutual friend of ours told me she saw him out on Sat night at a bar and he was with some women, and of course I flipped out. I asked him why he didn't tell me he was out with women and he's making me look like an idiot and he got really mad.
He told me that he was with coworkers and he can't believe I would think he would go and do something behind my back. He was really angry.
I guess I really don't blame him for being upset, I didn't ask him about anything I basically accused him of being out with other women.
He said yes, he does have some coworkers who are women and yes he went out for a drink but he wasn't doing anything wrong.

I feel so torn. I want to believe him, he's never been a dishonest man and if he was going to mess around he probably wouldn't do it in the town where we both live...but I don't know. Am I being stupid? On one hand I think "no way, he loves me." But then the other part of me thinks about how he has told me he can't say if he wants to commit to our marriage or not. He says he Is afraid to say it because he doesn't want things to go back to how they were. I just don't know what to think.

My best friend thinks I am being a moron for waiting trying to work this out. Am I a moron?

You are definitely not a moron!!

Truth is you don't know what your H was doing, and you probably never will.

The only thing you know is that he was not home with you. If you think snout anything else you will just hurt more.

Many of your friends won't ever understand why you are doing what you are doing. That is ok, and it doesn't make you wrong.