Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not so new miserable person II

Brian, dont kid yourself , you are not done with any of that and certainly not the crying, although I wish you were.

From what I have read in your posts, you are a sensetive guy and you will contiue to have emotions that you may not be able to control. Do the best you can but you cant change who you are int the brief time that you have been posting.

Hang in there buddy, better days ahead.

9

Well...I really don't know what is happening to me. I did some things to get my mind off my W. I signed up for Match.com, and had several people contact me. I just can't do that though. Her L emailed me the updated papers yesterday afternoon. He left one thing out and I told him to add it back and I will go sign it.

I am just ready for this to be over with. Is it normal to not care or is this just some defense mechanism I am doing to protect myself. I am clueless once again.

I'm gonna go with the defensive mechanism one...


I don't think you are clueless, I think you are spinning, and you are reaching for anything to help you stop. The anger is something to grab hold of. Hold on to it for a little while, feel it, but then you need to process it in a healthy way, let it go , and see where this storm blows you.


Finding a balance through this is tough Brian. To have your life ripped from underneath you is devastating.

That is why it is vital to find yourself through this, to look inside of yourself and find out what defines you as a person.

Are you really the kind of guy that would jump onto Match and simply replace your wife?


I don't have a clue who you are, although I would be willing to bet that you aren't. Just you being here tells me that.

This storm was the worst I ever faced, but I wouldn't trade what I have learned because of it.

This is something that has to happen before anything can happen in the future Brian.

Learn all that you can right now, about relationships, about love, about defining yourself, before you make any emotional decisions.

And the closer you get to the center of the storm, the calmer the winds become.....

I'd been thinking about this too. Couple of friends at work tell me to sign up. But i think it might open up a pandora's box for me. Right now i am vulnerable and if i meet someone nice, i might totally mess up my head. Hard to keep focus on wife right now with the way she is behaving with crazy divorce requests, but i have to stay on track so i can prove to myself that I did all i could have...

This is proabably not a good idea. Sounds like right now you are trying to escape. But it also sounds like deep down, you know that.

You probably need to give it a couple days and see where stand.

Keep the focus on yourself. You have done a fantastic job with that during all of this.

Journaling...

So, I've been praying for God to let me know what He wants me to do...I told him whatever His will is, I will obey.

TOday, I was in the grocery store. All of a sudden, I hear my name being called. It was my W's cousin. He came up to me and told me that he didn't know why he came in the store except for the fact that he felt I was in there and he wanted to talk to me. THis is a very big store. He starts telling me that he heard what is going on with my W and I and wanted me to know that him AND his whole family have been telling her to go back to me and to work it out. I told him that the funny thing is that I am finaly the person she would want to be with. He said that she told them I had changed but didn't think it would stick. They told her to come back and find out.

If that isn't God telling me to keep on fighting, I don't know what is. So, I am going to remove myself from match.com and will just be friends with the people who have emailed me already.

I've got a renewed fire in me right now. I really needed this! Thank you Lord!!!!

Good luck Brian. I am not a spiritual person however, those do appear to be signs. Its good you have all those people in your corner and another good sign appears that she wants to come back but isnt sure.

Most of us are in the sitch where they are pretty sure right now that they dont want to come back.

So you have a fighthing chance imo. So slow down on the D talk.

I think in your sitch, its way too early for that.

Be patient but continue to improve yourself for you.

All the Best Brian

9

I agree with 9. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in being "agreeable" we miss the whole point of what we are trying to accomplish. What's the hurry for the D?

My W pushed for the D, forcing me to agree, because it was the only way to take away her power. Once I became "pro-D," she backed off and said we didn't have to rush anything. That was the last serious D discussion. It did come up in fights a couple of times, but I'd always call her bluff and we aren't talking D anymore.

Take a breather. Sometimes the best course of action is to take no action at all. Wait and see what happens on her end. Let her be the bad guy. You continue to GAL.

Thank you both...The only problem is she is the one driving the D to light speed. She is trying to go faster then her lawyer will allow. The papers were there for me today but he left out one thing. As soon as he puts it in, there is nothing for me to do but sign.

But I have renewed spirit. She needs to see that regardless of her situation, I have changed whether she is in my future or not. Let her have her D. Let her have her affair. She will see that even after all of that I am still trucking as the new me. By then, she might start to think, maybe it is real.

Well, I'm off to do my Power 90..talk to you all tomorrow.

Brian, that's awesome!! I definitely believe God is at work in this! Keep on working on yourself like you've been doing. God bless.
JB