Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not so new miserable person II

Brian, IMO she has a lot of nerve getting p!ssed at you for not paying all the tax prep fee.
You have been giving money to your D as well as paying some expenses for your W. How is she helping you?

You seem like such a nice guy and I can tell by your posts that you are trying to make up for your behavior in the past. I know all about that.
The thing is, we really can't "make it up" because it's the past. Nothing you do will erase it.
All you can do is promise to be better in the present and for the future and it sounds like you are well on your way.

Congrats on your weight loss! If you don't mind my asking, how much have you lost?

Thanks DG..you are right, we can't make up for our past. I need to remember that and keep moving forward. I need to stop letting her "eat cake" and stop providing for her. She made this decision and needs to learn to take care of herself. Right now, she isn't helping me in ANY way. She is very selfish right now and it is really unattractive to me.

I have lost 50 lbs so far. I have another 80 to go to look like a linebacker again! Now that I have my mind set, it will be easy to lose.

She is supposed to come over this morning. I really don't know if she will or not now. But regardless, it won't effect my day any. If she does come by, then I will act as if yesterday didn't happen.

That's a good attitude to have.

The past is the past and nothing you can do will change or make up for it. It's perfectly natural to want to try though. I have to remind myself of that every day.

Congrats on the weight loss! Keep up the good work!

Well..she came today. She was/is distant. I gave her a lot of what she left behind. I didn't follow her around, I just gave attention to the dog she took. I am at the bank with her now switching the safety deposits box over to me and her getting her things from it. She did introduce me as her husband. Not thinking, I quickly said ex husband. She then said soon to be ex but currently her husband.

You know..I'm ok if this works out or not. I know I will be more then ok. Even if she wanted to get back together, she needs to make some changes to match mine. I wont accept less then 100% effort.

I am home now and have time to give a FULL recap of the visit. She rang the doorbell and I answered it. She really didn't look at me at first and she looked like she might still be p!ssed. So she started huging on the dogs and I grabbed George (the dog she took). I loved on him then took him to the kitchen to get a treat. He was so happy. We made VERY small smalltalk. I asked if George had eaten that morning. She said he doesn't eat in the mornings anymore. So I put him down and next thing you know, he found a food dish and started eating. I asked about work and other things...she was very distant. I show her all the things that I found of hers and she went through them all. She then said she wants to see the new bed I bought her D. So she went into her bedroom and said "Oh, that's really nice", waking up her D. They started talking so I went and played with George, took him outside and just held him for about 15 minutes. I came back in and she was still talking to her D. I did some other things then went back there with George to let her D see him. My W asked how the job hunting was going and her D told her. After another few minutes, I grabbed the dog and headed back to the living room to sit with him.

A few minutes later my W comes out and sits onthe couchand we did the small talk again. She then asks if I want to go to the bank to switch out the safety deposit box. I was ready to drive myself but she said I could ride with her (the bank is a mile from our house). When we get there, everyone greets her because she used to work at that branch and has made it pretty high up. I go talk to the manager as she was my W's manager at one time and they used to come over to our house. I think I found the one person my W hasn't told about us yet!

Anyways, I go out and my W is at the front desk already starting the paperwork. Another employee comes up to talk to her. My W asks if they have met me. They say no, so my W says this is my H, to which I respond "Ex Husband" and she says soon to be ex husband but currenty me H. They look and one of them says "I dont see how you both can be in the same room together". I told her that their was NO animosity on MY part. Anyways, we get the saftey deposit box and go through it. My W is smiling at some of the things in it. I can see she is loosening up a bit. When we get done, I have to sign some things and she goes to talk to one of her friends. When I am done, they tell me I can come in there with them. So I sit down until they are done and my W wants to go talk to the manager I talked to earier. I sat on the couch until she came out and touched my elbow asking if I was ready. In the car, I am texting someone and she asks about the cover on my phone, touching it and sort of pulling it to her. I was only texting her best friend about going to dinner with me and some other friends tonight but didn't really want her to see that. So as she is turning the phone around in my hands I hit the home button. I think she just wanted to see who I was texting because as soon as I did that, she stopped.

We get back to my house and she tells me I need to use roundup on some of the weeds in the flower bed. I tell her I'll do that as soon as she leaves. We go inside and let the dogs out. She then says I need to show you how to use the sprinkler system and the edger. She shows me and I agree how easy it is. We then start gathering up all her things and put them in her car. She grabs George and I hold him while she opens his little cage. She puts him in the turns to me and just gives me a huge hug. I hug back. I tell her to have a good day and she says you too. I go in the garage and start getting the round up spray. I am trying to figure out how to use it so from the car she tells me to come there so she can show me. She shows me and I say thanks. She then looks at me and say alright. Bye..I..

She almost said I love you but stopped herself. I just kept on going to the flower bed and started doing the round up. As she pulled out of the driveway, we waved at each other and she left.

Oh yeah...I was strong and confidant the entire time she was here. I smiled and laughed. There was ZERO sadness or depression. She saw the best me today.

Still very happy from our meeting. I am trying not to over analyse everything but I can't help but feel good!

Good for you, Brian! Way to be positive and upbeat around her. Sounds like that went better than expected.

Well, after church, I saw my W left me 2 texts. She asked if I was going to visit her parents today and that she was going a little later. I told her no, that I had a bunch of things to do today, one of which was put new weather stripping on a door frame. Again, I am NOT mr Handyman. But it was really easy. Whenever she does go to her parents house, there will be a new George Foreman grill and extra grill plates for her. I asked her parents to tell her that they bought it for her. I don't want credit for it, I just want her to have it.

Good for you Brian! Way to be positive.