Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives It's Time To Rock; Part II

I hope I am going out of order because it feels like I have been through all of those stages many times.

Your work analogy reminds me of the Seinfield episode where Kramer fake works for the company and then gets fired. "but I don't even really work here". "that's what makes this so difficult"

I know I know. It was a lapse of judgment...

Just so I can pat myself on the back a little. I did ignore a crapload of text last night. She was spamming the hell out of me for updates. I just waited until I had an item I felt she needed to know and sent that to her. Not responding to her many frantic texts in-between.

Then she did pay me a compliment today on how well I handled the situation. I was calm and collected through the whole thing and she saw that. I think she was also a little bummed that I never asked her for advice. I made all of the decisions on my own. Her being an RN is important here.

I already got in an hour of practice on the guitar tonight so now I can just jam and have a good time. I can already see quite a bit of improvement, it's been great!

This ain't geometry.

There are no straight lines.

You will circle back on yourself, through these stages...

Until you get to acceptance.

That is the holy grail.

Give yourself some slack. Just don't hang yourself with it.

Oh [censored], situation. She called. I didn't answer. Text: "she's puking everywhere and crying". Wish me luck boys....

Luck with what? She's a nurse right? She can handle it, for now she didn't ask for help either, she simply sent a statement which updates you to the situation ....

My vote says let her handle it ...

Well, I should have took that advice. Instead I drove her medicine over to her. I have to admit though, this was a pure reaction to my D. At that point I was thinking of nothing else other than how I could help my daughter.

Bad, bad, bad.

After we got my D to sleep, she brought up the house again. All I can say is I did NOT DB. I was just not in it. I was in father helping daughter mode. I did not go in prepared. Anyways, the only positive I can say is I did stay calm. One of my biggest issues was anger, and boy was I angry. But I did not raise my voice though out the convo. I cannot remember even a lot of what was said, but I said WAY too much. I went into reasoning mode. Terrible, terrible, terrible..

The fact is she is in love with this guy. She didn't use those words, but that much is obvious. She has fully talked herself into everything she is doing. And I new that, so why did I ask?

One thing I was able to communicate in no uncertain terms is that I would not be assisting with the D in any way. Her response "so I am going to have to server you?".

So that is my future right now. Waiting for the papers to show up. All I can say is I f'd up bad tonight guys. Beat the hell out of me. I just lost everything I had learned in that moment. After leaving though I had a hard time caring. I really don't think what I do will make a difference right now. But I just probably put her back into high gear.

Screw it. Right now I'm feeling like just getting it over with.

One last thing. I got a lot off my chest that I wanted to say. One of the hardest parts about of this was holding so much in. I also know that I only have really one path to follow now. That is one of fully dropping the rope and move on. I hope I'm right, but right now I feel like this was the big step back I needed to really move forward.

She called this morning; I let it go to VM. She scheduled a Dr. Appt. for our D today. So one thing to know here is she got an apartment on the completely other side of town. 30-45 minute drive to where our house is, daughter’s daycare, and her doctor. Good choice W.

Anyways, she hints in the message about how to schedule this if our D cannot go to daycare. I call her back and say “find out what the doctor says and whether or not she can go to daycare, if she can, plan A, if not, I will meet you in front of daycare at 2pm”

An, “Oh, OK” response from her, and then “I guess then I’ll have to drive all the way across town twice today”

Me “Well, I don’t know what to say, let me know what the doctor says”

End of call.

I am as calm and collected as I have been for a while. It is really amazing that the morning after our talk last night, she still expects me to go out of my way to help her, and make this easier on her. Nope, no more.

I will also have to bring up how we handle these things in the future. My agreement to meet her at daycare at 2pm still means I have to leave work early. This isn’t a big deal for me, but I think I will propose an alternating schedule going forward for who adjusts their work schedule for when D is sick. Anyone have a good plan for this?

Good timing on the DB'ing email today:

Well, I was able to get through a face-to-face well today. She started off very cold and loosened way up after seeing how relaxed I was. Right now, I have really no hope in all of this saving my marriage, but you do see how it affects interactions with others. That part is good.

WTH. Why do I feel so good now? I know I f'd up last night, but it helped ME so much. I needed that release.

She called and texted multiple times wanting a status on how D was feeling. I had no anxiety ignoring them. I was taking care of D. She then calls from her work number and I unknowenly answered. I simply said I had it covered. Her response was a sad OK.

Hopefully that puts a stop to it, but that is out of my control if she continues. I control how I handle it.

A part of me feels a little bad for her knowing how much she hurts not being there for our D when she is sick. But, really? Nothing I can do about that. Well, I could make it easier on her by providing the constent updates. But that is not what I want.

I'll focus on my D.