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SC you just described me to a T.

Then you know what you need to do.

You need to find a way to find your own inner sense of control over yourself.

I am guessing ( since I have also been accused of being controlling) that the deepest part of you believes the world is an unsafe place, you do not trust it or others in getting your needs met.
Perhaps your needs were not met by people that you should have been able to trust as a baby or small child.

This belief is a lie.

You CAN trust you. Your needs CAN be met. You're no longer a helpless infant or child dependant on others for survival. You're an adult and fully capable.

Affirm to yourself that the world is a safe and nurturing place.

The only person you CAN control without bullying, haranguing, or manipulating is you. Let go DG and control you.

A few suggestions that may help you to reduce your anxiety levels to be able to release external control in this regard are:

Eliminate all stimulants ...coffee, tea, energy drinks etc.
Get enough sleep. Eat when you're hungry.
Deliberately let a little chaos into your life. So the vacumming doesn't get done this week, it'll still be there next week.
Meditate on self control.

I have this pinned on my wall as a reminder to myself. You may like it as well:


You are not the general manager of the universe. Your job is to stay open to possibilites and let go of concepts of how things should work out.

That's good Scylla...Here is another saying I have

Let go and let God

There is a line in Risky Business that sums it up pretty well...

SC, once again you are right. My parents were not loving parents. No kisses, hugs, I love you, etc.
I grew up always being insecure and having a wall around my heart to protect myself.

I am currently in IC to deal with those issues and sometimes I feel I am taking a step forward and then other days it's like 3 steps back.
I am going to copy your quote and keep it with me.

I'm having a bad night. H didn't text me at all today and of course this gave me anxiety thinking oh great, he doesn't love me anymore and then started to cry.
Then I got mad at myself for allowing my happiness and self worth be wrapped up in him and not me, that when he finally did text I was so mad I haven't answered and I won't.
I need to detach. I tell myself this each and every day...and then I don't.

DG..I am sorry you are having a bad night. I know how it feels to not have contact with the one you love. Just think to yourself that the longer you go without contact, the more he will miss you too.

I'm afraid that he doesn't miss me. That I am holding out hope for nothing.

You can't think the DG..You need to live "as if". As if he does miss you. As if he does love you. As if he will see the changes you are making and want to be a part of them. If we don't hold on to something, what point is there to DB?

What I want you to do is concentrate on you and you alone. Figure out the area's of your life that you don't like and change them. Figure out things you like to do and do them. What makes you laugh? What makes you smile? IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!! We have to fix ourselves before we can even think about being in a R or M. I know you can do this. We are all here for you and will offer advice and encouragement throughout your journey. We are your family.

DG, I know it's extremely HARD right now. I agree with Brian. You do need to live "as if" he does miss you. Be patient, too!

As hard as it may sound to do, concentrating on YOU is critical right now. Trust me, you will start feeling A LOT better.

Count me in as far as being behind you in this journey.

I always assume the worst in everything. I don't have a positive attitude at all.

I worry he's talking to other women on FB. I saw a pic of him dressed up on his FB and automatically assumed he was going to meet another woman.

I hate that I am so negative!