Oh sweetie, my heart is breaking to think of your baby struggling like that. I can't imagine what it's doing to you.
Even though my son was much older (15) when this happened, he struggled a great deal. Still does sometimes. When I asked him recently what helped him the most, he said it helped that I always seemed around and available to talk. He said the fact that I encouraged a relationship with his dad and that I tried to keep life as normal as possible for him.
But the thing that really helped was that I held it together. While he knew that I was sad, I rarely let it interfere with our life together. He said that he looked to me as his touchstone - if I was ok, he felt ok, too.
So, Grr, my friend Mach is right, you need to handle this. You might want to make new routines with your son. Get his input. Try to start some new traditions between the two of you. Make a plan on your day off and put it on the calendar. Get him excited about looking forward to it.
Grr, he is looking to you to set the tone. Be his touchstone.
In my opinion, I would not move in with your h. Your son will be watching to see what is going on between you and if it is temporary, he will have to deal with the news all over again.
You and your h might want to go to parenting counseling together to see the best way to handle this.
Show your son that while life isnt fair sometimes, it does not mean that you give up. Show him how to handle what is thrown at you with dignity, strength and courage.
thanks everyone brooklyn, we are looking into a therapist my h spent a few days with him alone last week and is very frightened now
his best friend called me on friday and said that my h was inconsolable on the phone. my h called him from airport on the way to a gig and his friend said that he was seriously considering cancelling the show...
he is coming home tonight and i actually am not looking forward to it
my son is doing fine right now
he really gets when my h is away at a show as opposed to 5 min away he is good when his dad is doing a show
i am trying to be his rock he knows i'm always there and luckily i have a big family and my sister and brothers are already stepping up and making sure he they can count on them as well
i appreciate the concern it helps so much to hear other experiences and perspectives
however ([censored] that there has to be an however), that any child ever has to go through this pain is the stuff of nightmares
he called from an airport halfway home today he had planned to stay with us tonight
my s was having a great day, with my family around, so i told him that he need not stay here (nicely) that we could tell our s that he was not going to come in til tomorrow i told him that it was crazy at my parents and that im sure the last thing he wanted after a travel day was tons of people around
he agreed, but was not sure
i told him it was just an option
the truth is that i didn't want to see him
i am becoming more and more detached
when i didn't hear from him after his flight got in i assumed he wasn't coming here
he did tho and my s was very happy
he gave me an hug and sat with me in the living room while i folded clothes
my heart didn't stop tho and as he sleeps with our s in his room, i don't have the urge to go talk to him
i don't have the desire to sleep next to him
i am just glad that our child is at peace tonight and will get a good nights sleep
Grr.... read my post. I too am having issues with my daughter - big ones. I just found out she cut herslef. She is twelve. I am devastated.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Grr, I was thinking about you today. I was remembering what my wonderful therapist had talked to me about concerning my son. She said that no matter what the age of the child, there are certain things that will help them through it.
She told me that consistency was the most important thing. Keep their life as normal as possible. Be as honest as you can in an age appropriate way. If you and your h are separating, tell him that. Dont confuse him by having your h come and go. He will accept and adjust better if he knows what the real deal is. It's uncertainty and false hope that affects them negatively.
Well, that's what I remember. I hope it helps in some way.
