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Yes, it is extremely painful when it happens which requires IV medication.

I feel much better today, but it definetly puts a hamper on my life when it happens.

Journaling again-

Every day I make myself a promise that I am NOT going to check his cell phone records, and every day I fail.
It's like insecurity sets in and I panic that there could be someone else.
Help!

DG -
I struggle with that one, too. If you do it, and you actually find something, it really starts to drive you crazy. Someone recently asked me if I found something out, how would it change my DB strategy? I thought it was an excellent question. My answer to that was - not significantly. Food for thought - if it's not going to change your DB strategy, why drive yourself crazy?

- jbnati

DG..Is his phone use something you can control? No..so don't do this to yourself. I did the same thing with my W until I realized I can't control what she does. You are the only thing you can control. Concentrate on yourself and healing you.

I know that, and in my head I know that even if there was someone else I couldn't do anything about it anyway.
It would be on him, not on me.
I hate that I do it. I have never found anything. I've been checking his cell phone records for years constantly worrying that he could cheat, even though he has never given me a reason to suspect it.

DG, we all have struggled with something like this. In my own sitch this snooping caused me a great deal of pain. It is apparent it is causing you pain as well.

I refused to turn the home computer on. This prevented me from snooping her email and FB.

You are making great baby steps. While you were in the Hospital:
Spending time, gifts, physical contact. Don’t let your anxiety drive this progress away.
Do something making it more difficult for you to check his cell phone records, difficult but not impossible. You’ll still need to exercise some discipline.

You need to detach from the emotion driving this behavior. This is easier said than done, but most of us have had some success. You will too. Resolve to be stronger and do something else to direct your focus to. Immerse yourself in some positive GAL activity. Focus on what you can do quickly, easily, that will have positive impact.

Break the day down to small successes if you need to.
Resolve I will not check this morning I will focus on ??????.
Change your scenery. GAL

I did not check this morning, celebrate the success. Then resolve I will not check this afternoon.
I will do ???? to focus on.
I will not check this evening because I am doing this ???? to improve myself.

Well, there is a 180 you can do. If this is a consistant behavior, change it. It's not healthy at all!

Other then that, how are you doing today?

You are right, it isn't a healthy behavior at all.
I never even considered it to be a 180 I could do.
Duh!

I am doing ok today. This morning I had my daily talk with God which resulted in tears, but it feels good to talk to Him.
I'm glad nobody can hear me talk because I am sure I look like a mad woman talking to myself. It comforts me. I really hope He is listening.

H texts me goodnight and sweet dreams, and he also texts me "I miss you" on a regular basis.
I am terrified of getting my hopes up.
I don't know how I should handle myself. Do I text back right away? Ignore him?
I feel helpless........

I think this is a good thing. I believe He has purpose for all of this mess, and there's something better on the other side. I remind myself of that daily.



I would say the textbook answer is that you don't text him back, though I can see how it would be tempting to text back. Perhaps you could occasionally text something simple back like "u2", but definitely not every time.

Talking to God is a great thing. I always ask for peace in my heart, the strength to get through the day, and grace sufficient enough for the day. He is listening! I also ask that God speaks to me throughout the day. Whenever I drive now, I don't turn the radio on...That is my alone time with God.

I wouldn't text back right away. If he asks you a question, take some time to think about it then answer. If he just says something like good night, or I miss you, I wouldn't answer. Let him miss you...Let him wonder what you are doing and how you are feeling. Just concentrate on yourself right now!!

Here are the lyrics to a wonderful song by 4Him.

In the beginning
Before the world began
The great Creator
Carved a Mighty Plan
He spoke the mountains
Surrounded them with seas
Then in his image
Created you and me
Even why back then (He already knew)
There would be no end to his love

(chorus)
Every second of every minute
Every minute of every hour
Twenty-four hours a day
He will be there for you
Three hundred and sixty five days a year
Everyday in the life that you're here
Wherever you go
He will be there for you

He's always listening
Before you even speak
He's got the answer
Before there's a need
He feels the heartache
That no one ever sees
He's there beside you
When you're on your knees
And he says again (to me and to you)
There will be no end
To His love