Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives It's Time To Rock; Part II

Meeting #2 went off without a hitch this morning. Very quick. I was on my way to work and we met at daycare for what my W thought was picture day. W complimented me saying "you look nice." I simply said "thank you." Right after I drop her off I get a call from W. Picture day was last Tuesday. Oops! It was a pretty quick call but we laughed about the mistake a little and it was friendly.

Well, that should do it for any face time for a while. I am glad we got through the 2 this week without any further conversation about the house.

I feel like my head is back where it was before our meeting Friday, so that is good. Keep moving forward....

Yeah, I might have jumped the gun a little with this one. I have been thinking about things ALL day. Just can't get it out of my head...

I don't know why I do this to myself but I made a funny song tonight. I had this OLD recording my W and I did together. A very simple song, 2 chords and her singing. Well I was able to get the audio into GarageBand and do a little remix. Pretty funny...

I would love to send it to her but I have no idea how she would react to it. Probably uncomfortable. Had fun doing it nonetheless.

I wish I could say I was actually at a place where this letter was sincere, but I wrote it with the idea that this is where I want to be. I need to continue to work until I can send this letter and actually believe every word. It is my motivation right now.


Dear W,

I have hit a milestone in my life. I am finally becoming the man I want to be. I look at my future now and I see all of the possibilities. I like myself again, it feels good. 

I have told you before that I would still prefer to work on our marriage. I stand by that statement. However, I am moving forward with my life and I am committed to continue to improve myself.

Your choices in life are yours alone. I cannot help you with them. Until you can choose your family over your affair, we have no future together. As much as I accept responsibility for how we got to this place, you made the choice to jump off the cliff. You made the choice of an affair over your family. Running away rather than working on the problems that got you here.

I wish you all the best W. I sincerely hope you can find a way to address your own problems and begin to work on them. I can tell you, by doing so you will find peace. The hard work does bring happiness. 

I will keep an open spot in my heart for you W. I truly hope you find the happiness you are seeking. 

Good luck,

H

Great letter C_S.

I felt the same way. In my case that spot in my heart is contracting.

Country - My advice is to not send her the song or the letter. Either/or would be pursuing and pressure on your W. Hang in there man. You are doing great. Patience is where the key lies.

BITS
Denver

CS,

The final line is good. Other than that it's more pursuing and waiting for her to get her head out of the fog.

I will share with you my letter that made my W have second thought and returned to try the M again.
You have to let them go.
Although the points you made in your letter are true about her choices being hers, theat won't have an impact on her.

Here's what I sent my W last year:

You contacted me over a month ago to talk and haven't made any effort. It has become very clear to me and I now get it. You are not attracted to me and haven't been for quite some time. It must feel terrible to think you would want to be with a man you're not in love with or attracted to. I was honestly angry before because I didn't get it, but now I do get it. I don't blame you for leaving if you felt that way. I would want out too if I felt that way about a woman. I now get it. That's why I can't be with you anymore. I can't be with someone who isn't attracted to me. It's time we both move on. All the time I've spent going through this whole process with you has really opened my eyes about a lot of things, I am not sure what I feel about you anymore now either.
Once the final draft of the contract is drawn I will be filing the agreement so we can both move on with our lives.
I wish you the best for our kids' sake and I truely hope you find what you're looking for in life.

Letting go is the the most powerful way to have an impact on the WAW. You have to mean it though. I was totally prepared to file and move on with my life. This is not a bluff. If you are not ready to move on then she will know you're bluffing.
gr8



[edited by dbmod to add note: this is the AFTER The Last Resort Technique. Follow at your own risk...if you make the ultimatum and do not follow through, you lose credibility, and it may well end your marriage if you do.]

Nice letter gr8 and Country , please listen to that advice. Dont do anything unless you are willing to follow through on it.

Country , i hope you dont mind if I hijack a little.

Gr8, how long were you and wife apart and was she involved with Om before she came back.

Did it seem really hopeless at the time and did you believe that your wife really didnt love you anymore?

How did she get that back for you?

Sorry again country.

9

And that is the thing. At this point it would be, so I know I need to wait until I get to spot where it would be sincere. Funny that the letter came off as pursuing, it was meant as a farewell letter when I do get to that spot. But I guess that says a lot of where I am now. My current feelings still shine through.

No worries 9, I am courious as well.

sorry for not checking in for awhile

crazy week, compounded that my s is starting to understand what this means and he is having a really hard time with everything

country, that is absolutely correct....don't say or do or send anything until you are ready to back it up

and then when you think you are ready, give it another week