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Thank you both for your responses. I have those 37 rules on my phone and refer to them often.

I am trying to continue to work on myself. I know in the end, I am the only one responsible for my own happiness.

DelinquentGurl,
I also see a lot of positives in there. If he comes to your counseling session, I suggest acting "AS IF" you it's going help things in a positve direction. Be receptive to him talking about the other issue and try not be defensive.

I'm a little disappointed right now. H had asked if I wanted to get together for a little bit and I said that was fine.

5 minutes before he was supposed to be here he called and said he needed to take a raincheck.
As disappointed as I am, I didn't let him know it. I simply said "That's ok...no problem." And left it at that.
He said "I can tell your mad." And I assured him that I wasn't, and that we could do it some other time.

Of course I am sad, but I'm not going to let it ruin my evening.
It's too late for me to make alternate plans, but I refuse to sit and stew over this.
He does not define me. He does not determine my happiness, right?

Journaling again-

Can someone shake me so I stop looking at the cell phone records?
Everytime I do and see a number I don't recognize that H has either texted or called I automatically assume it's another woman
And I've gone so far as to have a friend call the number, and she told me it was a woman's voice on the VM.
Now, my H has never been a cheater and I really don't think he would do such a thing but who knows anymore.
I know checking the records is a pattern I have to break and every day I say I'm not going to do it but then I cave in and do it anyway.
I know this isn't helping, I know it's hurting. How do I stop???

Yup, it's me again.
I just had lunch with H (he asked) and it was pretty nice.
When we are together, we are touchy feely and act like we're a regular married couple going out to lunch.
I am just so confused.
He says he loves me, he's just so scared. He is very scared that things will go back to how they were.
I listened and validated his feelings and said "I understand why you would feel that way." Because I do.
I just wish he would see the changes in me. I know it takes time, I know it takes patience and I do love him enough to get through this with him.
It's just very hard.

Journaling again-

For the most part I am pretty positive on most days, but then insecurity kicks in and I get scared.
We had lunch together today and it was a nice time. When we're together it's like we're just us, ging out to lunch, not a couple that is separated.
He says he is very scared that things will go back to how they used to be. I am afraid of that also.
I know I have to be patient, and I am prepared to work through whatever we have to, but then I get scared that maybe he'll like being apart more than he'll like being a family.
He said he isn't going to come home until he knows for sure how he feels, which I understand. I wouldn't want him to move in and move out again. It would kill us.
I'm just so scared.

Hello...it's me again.
I have a condition called Pancreatitis, which is extremely painful and usually requires me to be hospitalized.
My sister brought me in last night and then called my H at work (he works night shift) to let him know where I was and if he wouldn't mind stopping by our home to check on the cats.
He agreed, and that was that.
About 6:30am this morning he walks into my hospital room. I was very surprised he came to see me.
I said "Wow...this is a surprise." And he said "not really, why wouldn't I be here?"
And he proceeds to tell me that he stopped at the store and picked me up some magazines.
I was so touched that he made this gesture, and I made sure to let him know how much I appreciated it.
He stayed with me for almost 2 hours, rubbing my hand (he gives the best hand massages) and even climbed into bed with me and held me for a little bit.

I am thinking he is noticing my 180's, but I don't say anything.
I am trying to think positive and think that maybe we really could work through this, but then I get scared because I know he isn't ready to come home.
I don't want to push him to do anything he isn't ready for.

How do I deal with this?

I understand the newbies are moderated and I respect that, but sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself.

Ugh...I hate feeling like I am talking to myself!

Just follow his lead. You're making great baby steps.

I'm sorry you have to go through the hospitalizations. Do you have a lot of pain? I'm really glad that he wants to be there for you--it is a very good sign.