I caught myself doing it with a friend today because she is dating for the first time after about a year and a 17 year rel. and she is seeing a guy who is fairly emotionally detached/afraid to commit, wants to see her once every 10 days only.
He offered to "squeeze her in to a full day tomorrow" and said he'd call her and she said she thinks he should cancel a dinner with friends to spend time with her, and since he won't, she is ready to deliver this ultimatum: "unless you can't be there for me more and pay more attention to me I don't want to see you at all."
I said, umm, you're going to drive him away. Why don't you just say "I can't see you then--I have plans--so let me know when you're free for a longer period and we can get together."
She said "that's playing a game." I said "but the ultimatum is not a game? It's not manipulation?"
So I tried to teach her how to DB but she wasn't having it ;-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
A friend I text with quite a bit seemed to need some space, so I backed off. Respected her needs. Acted as if it wasn’t me … and guess what … it wasn’t. She just needed some “her” time.
Nope it wasn't you, it was all ME.
All,
PEI is right. And the flip side of this...
I had been dealing with a few crisis at work. I was PMSing. I was tired. I was grumpy. I only wanted to talk to one person. And it was not her.
I dealt with my stuff, and when I was ready, I texted her.
I needed that time. I needed no interruptions. I needed it and it wasn't personal to anyone except me.
It's the same with our S. It doesn't feel the same, but it is.
BTW, Marsha was my favorite too.
PEI,
told you I was WAAY older than you.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Ummm, can you say that again? Just want to make sure I heard you right
Originally Posted By: Cat
I had been dealing with a few crisis at work. I was PMSing. I was tired. I was grumpy. I only wanted to talk to one person. And it was not her.
I dealt with my stuff, and when I was ready, I texted her.
I needed that time. I needed no interruptions. I needed it and it wasn't personal to anyone except me.
Everyone, ftr, the old me would have taken this VERY personally. I would have probably wondered what I'd done or what I'd said. My insecurity and fears and codependancy would have made this about ME. I would have given it head space, I would have wondered about it multiple times during the day, and always from a "what did I do?" perspective. I might have even texted her to ask those questions, making the situation worse and selfishly, and mistakenly, only being concerned with myself. I might have even turned it into an issue about ME, I could have pissed her off and blown the entire thing up into a self fulfilling prophesy.
Originally Posted By: Cat
It's the same with our S. It doesn't feel the same, but it is.
Yup.
Originally Posted By: Cat
BTW, Marsha was my favorite too.
PEI,
told you I was WAAY older than you.
You're just an old soul
Also ftr ... I do remember the Brady Bunch, Happy Days and Mash ... they were just syndicated re-runs by the time I watched them
I'm not as young as y'all think ... I just don't act my age
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Ummm, can you say that again? Just want to make sure I heard you right
Nope, I don't know how that slipped out in the first place
Ah, no worries ... I had no expectation that you would
Originally Posted By: Sour_puss ... hehehe!
Originally Posted By: I'm NOT a brat!_PEI
You're just an old soul
Also ftr ... I do remember the Brady Bunch, Happy Days and Mash ... they were just syndicated re-runs by the time I watched them
I remember The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Dukes of Hazzard, Different Strokes, and The Facts of Life too. Oh and Alice.
And never mind the Saturday morning cartoon line up...
Yes cartoons only ONE morning a week.
Our children would have heart attacks.
Oh the memories! I actually do remember most of these shows ... I loved Mrs. Garrett! And (not that anyone is surprised!) Bo Duke, of course! Hell, I even remember going in and out of whatever car my dad was driving that summer via the open windows, and no sir, she looked nothing like the General Lee! Wow, we totally thought we were all that and a bag of chips!
Hands down my favorite ... Wile E. Coyote, genius. LOL ... OMG ... I love trips down memory lane
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Sorry T, I have not really made a comment remotely related to your openning post on this thread......oh well that's what friends are for.
While on the subject of being old and reminiscing, I thought I would share this, someone close to me of equal "maturity" sent me this......
Originally Posted By: Old Wise Person
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.. WHY?
Because we were always outside playing....that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. --And, we were OKAY.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..
We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo’s and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand or a "ling kock", and no one would call child services to report abuse.
We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and -although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.
The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas...
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of those born between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.