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On Wednesday, I sent my W an email about how I felt about her and us. I thought a lot about it before I wrote it, and felt that it was necessary bc of what happened 2 weeks ago when she said she wanted to move home, then abruptly changed her mind. We never spoke about it after that, and I never really had communicated either during that time. (My email to her did not mention anything about that incident).

Thursday, W contacted me about our taxes. After we finished, I asked her if she got the email I sent her the other day. She said yes, sorry she did not respond right away, and she started writing me back but hadn't finished yet.

This morning, W text me and wanted to know if my mom still wanted to take our girls for spring break. I said yes, and she wanted to know how "we" would get them there. I told her my parents were going to come and pick them up. She said that was ok, and my SD could go. I really did not think that my W was going to let her go, and this surprised me.

Then W says she wanted to talk to me soon, and there were some things she wanted to discuss. I asked her if it was anything in peticular, and she replied, Yes, but I want to talk to you about everything at one time and not just give you the gist. We are both working a lot the next week and are not able to get togehter. She said she was going to email me what she wanted to talk about, then I could think about it before we talk next week. I said ok, and the conversation ended with her telling me to have a good day.

I don't know what she wants to talk about. I decided that whatever it is, I am going to think positive about it. The last time she wanted to talk about everything was when she said she wanted to come back home. I do not expect her to say that again, but I am going to be positive. Negativity will not get me anywhere, even if I was right. I was thinking very negative the other day with no evidence of anything. I need to stop that.

I did what I felt was right. I thought about what I was going to do for a while, and I still felt I was doing the right thing...I know I am going to get hammered...

I'm not going to hammer you at all. If you look at my sitch I just said a lot to my W as well. At some point it is about our own mental health. If what we say is genuine, and it helps us move forward, IMO it is worth saying. I bottled up too much and I see now that it helped me move forward to let it out.

I might get hammered as well for my response, but like I said, we need to do what is right for us. Even if it might not be the best thing towards R. And I'm not saying that what you did didn't help R. It's just that at some point that needs to be a second thought to out own well being.

I think I'm too early in the forum to offer a 2x4, but... ;-)

You did what you did, so there's no taking it back. 2x4 or not, you deal with the consequences.

Of course, here's to hoping it was received well from your W's end. I get / got a lot of "we" talk, but I'll tell you... there is an ambush behind every positive tree, it seems. On my side, the W appears to be "holding the SD hostage". So I'm not even counting positives at this time. I'm letting things happen as they will, work on me, journal here (to vent anger and frustration) and otherwise just move forward.

I hope for a good outcome from the email and conversation with your W. Cheers!

I did read your sitch Country. I just haven't really been on this forum. I just needed a break. I agree with your thoughts. I think at some point we can't keep everything inside and have to let our WAS know what we are thinking and what we are feeling.

I thought a lot a out the movie "The Break Up"

The problem in that whole movie with the couple was that they never told each other how they felt. If one of them would have done so, there wouldn't have been a movie.

This may be a weak analogy, but it was what I was thinking about. My W assumed I was mad at her for what happened. I had not spoken to her since then, so how could she know what I thought. For me, I needed to tell her what I was feeling, so I did.

I did feel better afterward too. And I still do. I needed her to know how I felt, and now she does. I am going to leave it at that.

Hang in there Country, I think you have a lot going for you

Nothing new today. Another day of no contact. It is depressing reading about what is happening in everybody's sitchs. All the progress they made and none of it was able to help the M. It seems like such a waste for the WAS to throw it all away.

I feel all of the BITS pain with them

I feel like I have fallen off the wagon and it has left me far behind.

I am not detached at all any more, going dark...well you guessed it.

W tm me tonight about how her dad was treating her mom. I should have just ignored her, but I let myself get baited into a convo.

W said me spending time with her dad is making it hard for her to have a R with her parents. Her dad would be the same regardless if I spent time with him or not (we are neighbors and have always spent time together). Her dad says that this is the second M his D has walked out on, and he is not going to stand by and let her do this again, to somebody else if we don't get back together. Her Mom doesn't agree either, but they are not seeing eye to eye on dealing with it.

She said she wanted me to talk to her dad about the way he treats her mom, bit I told her I wouldnt, that it would make things worse.

Then we briefly got into a convo about us., but it did nit go anywhere. I called her, but she did not answer. I was tired of tm. She was probably with OM. Idk.

She acts like everything should be ok, and is upset bc it is not. She brings all of these people together, gets them to love and accept each other, then walks away...two times. But everything should be ok. No consequences.

Well, W and I exchanged several tm today. I asked if she wanted to go see my D play on Friday with me. She said yes and that she would get off work. Then we or I started talking about us. She said she hasn't been thinking about counseling or working on things, but that she has been reading 5LL and she likes it. She then said it crosses her mind all of the time about working on our M, but she is stressed out about work, her parents, and spending time with her D that she can't really think about us yet.

Then she asked me to bring her something on my way to work, and I did. We talked more of the same about us and our M. She was not I to the convo, said she did not know what she wanted. It was not a great moment to say the least. Then she sId that bw me and her parents she is just getting pushed farther away i told her those where just some of the consequences of the decisions she has made. When I left she said she would see me Friday morning.

What she meant about being stressed with her parents is that her R with them has changed dramatically. She blames her father for that. She said she expects them to accept the choices she has made. I told her that from there perspective, this is the second time she has taken a family away from them, and she can't expect them to react the same as they did the first time. She halfway agreed with that statement, sort of

I just got home from work. It is getting very depressing coming home to an empty house everyday. It seems to be harder on me when I work the midnight shift, but not sure why. I still wonder how I am going to be able to live in our house wo my W and kids around me. I am just feeling really down right now. If W does go to the play with me on Friday and breakfast after, I have to really try, and I mean really try, not to talk about our M. It is just so hard not to.

Islander: This must be so tough for you. I dont know how to encourage you anymore. I dont think you can do the detachment thing at this stage or really go dark.

But then again, she is always reeling you back with the promise of R talk.

Im not sure if this is helping you or hurting you at this stage.

Just thinking of you Islander. Hope things work out but be prepared for a pull back after the concert if she goes with you.

I think they get scared.

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