W birthday today. With the help of the great people on here I got some gifts for her from kids and a card from me.
This morning I came across an article on front page of yahoo. It has Ten ideas about fixing or saving your marriage. I read it and started typing up an e-mail to the W and attached the article to it. I talked myself out of sending the e-mail. Just didn't feel right.
An hour later I get an e-mail from W with a link to the same article asking my if I would like to read the article and discuss it. Crazy how these things work. If I would have sent it to her it would have lost all meaning. I pull back, she sends it to me.
Its late and I'm tired so I'm just going to hit the main points for now and will go into rest of it tomorrow.
Good Stuff:
1. W told me that she is not thinking D anymore and wants to give it another shot.
2. We ML.
Not so good stuff:
1. W not ready yet for me to come home. Says she doesn't want to. Take this step to fast and is liking her independence that she got since I've been gone. (My response was that I'm not gonna wait forever and you can have me time with H back home)
2. W talked about this being last chance. Didn't like the tone of it. Made it sound like first bump in road and we done.
3. W wants me to give up stuff that she believes got in our way of happy marriage but hasn't talked about change on her part.
Good analysis. The good is good and the not so good is really not so good. Reconciliation needs to be a two-way street. Putting a bandaid on it, sweeping it under the rug, works in the short-run but is not really a fix.
It takes both of you to be willing to make changes. It's not just a matter of thinking about what the other wants you to change, so you change that. There's a lot of importance to thinking about what you did wrong yourself, and apologizing for it, and being willing to change those things.
I know you say she won't do Retrouvaille, which is a shame, because they walk you along a course where both people really think about the nitty-gritty of what they see wrong in the relationship (not finding fault with the other person) and what they are willing to change about themselves. Maybe you can go to a good MC and work through these things. But it needs to be on both parts, not just one.
Its late and I'm tired so I'm just going to hit the main points for now and will go into rest of it tomorrow.
Good Stuff:
1. W told me that she is not thinking D anymore and wants to give it another shot.
2. We ML.
Not so good stuff:
1. W not ready yet for me to come home. Says she doesn't want to. Take this step to fast and is liking her independence that she got since I've been gone. (My response was that I'm not gonna wait forever and you can have me time with H back home)
2. W talked about this being last chance. Didn't like the tone of it. Made it sound like first bump in road and we done.
3. W wants me to give up stuff that she believes got in our way of happy marriage but hasn't talked about change on her part.
She "tagged" you, and she's setting you up. PLEASE BE CAREFUL.
