I guess I don’t understand the fear of her becoming detached, I think all of these W’s who left are already detached. That was done most likely before they even left.
A point I have made to new comers over and over and over again. It is very real that the WAW detached before leaving. It is no secret that she is much further along than I am. I understand all that. Indifference is a dangerous emotion when we are dealing with our sitch. We each handle detachment differently. I know where I am and I think I see where she is going.
Quote:
I just don’t see what positive can come from R talk at this point. Hope to change her mind?
None. You missunderstand me country. I am not looking for a R talk. After 5 months of talking on the phone you learn to pick up certain vibes from the voice. That's all
Quote:
I think the first thing should be addressing her anger, and I think conversations like the one you had will help that much more than any R talk at this point.
Agreed. I've had these convo's before. Light and chipper, but not like this. There is a difference in the voice.
Quote:
Keep truckin’ man.
I am not going anywhere. I am still here. I am kind of a pest that way. Just can't take no for an answer
Thanks all for this thread. I am still fairly new to this. I just want to take my WAW and shake her and ask her if she really knows what in the world she's doing. However, I've learned enough at this point that would be highly ineffective DB'ing and would be counterproductive.
jbnati welcome to the thread and the boards I hope that you find peace and wisdom in what you read. It has helped me a great deal and I hope that it helps you
As I look back on the life I have lived so far, do I have any feeling of regret or do I wish that I made different choices and decisions. I have to admit that life is full of tough choices and somewhere along the way we make mistakes. There is not a single person who hasn't encountered problems and hardships in life. The sufferings of every person though differ and some may be heavier compared to others.
I would be a hypocrite to say that I don't have any regrets in life. I have a lot of them and there are really times when I am at my lowest and I feel like I have no inspiration and strength to move on. I suppose the regrets that I have are the opportunities that I have foregone and the "what ifs" that were never answered. I still have a long journey to go and I am not even halfway in reaching my destination. Despite this though, life has been hard but has been full of learning experiences. There were times in my life when I made decisions based on what others dictated upon me and not on what I really wanted. These were some of the circumstances that I as well regretted upon.
In making life's decisions, making them yourself would be to your benefit. Do not let your parents, your partner or your friends make them for you. In order to learn how to go through life and its difficulties, you need to make your own choices and your own judgment. While at times it is true that listening to others advice can help us avoid undesirable results, making your own decisions would lead you to only blaming your own self and not others. It is in these wrong decisions that we draw learning experiences and we draw the strength to do better next time. The events in our lives mold us into stronger individuals.
When there are times that you feel that you can't go on just hold on and you will see a rainbow after every storm. Always try to see the good in every situation instead of the bad. Learn to get up when you stumble. As you were learning how to walk when you were a toddler, you had fallen several times. Life is just like that. We stumble and we may even bruise ourselves but the wound heals and life goes on.
Great post 2step. All of it so true. I hope that you are doing well.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
For every situation in life there is a Willie song to go with it....
Nothing I Can Do About It Now
I've got a long list of real good reasons For all the things I've done I've got a picture in the back of my mind Of what I've lost and what I've won I've survived every situation Knowing when to freeze and when to run And regret is just a memory written on my brow And there's nothing I can do about it now I've got a wild and a restless spirit I've held my price through every deal I've seen the fire of a woman scorned Turn her heart of gold to steel I've got the song of the voice inside me Set to the rhythm of the wheel And I been dreaming like a child Since the cradle broke the bough And there's nothing I can do about it now Running through the changes going through the stages Coming round the corners in my life Leaving doubt to fate staying out too late Waiting for the moon to say goodniiiigh-hi-hi-hite And I could cry for the time I've wasted But that's a waste of time and tears And I know just what I'd change If I went back in time somehow But there's nothing I can do about it now
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
OMG that is some of the saddest lyrics I've ever read.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Hey 2 step. Dealing with training at work, haven't had steady internet access.
I agree you are at a bit of a cross-roads. But because the tone of conversation has changed a little does not commit her to one path or the other. She may just be handling her anger, or processing it, or rationalizing it away.
Don't let that get to you.
Keep focusing on what's worked.
Keep the good memories coming. Don't ASS-U-ME too much. Let her actions speak louder than her words. She didn't have to talk to you, she wanted to.
And be patient.
It is very true that it is normally the LBS who decides when to close the door on R. And it is also the norm that the WAS regrets their actions later.
Don't be normal!!!!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I hope the training is going good. Thank you for checking up on me as always. She is healing and she is getting stronger, its only natural the same as I am. We will see where this rd takes us both but I know things are turning I just feel it.
5 months into I am not sure which direction to go. I think the convo’s have run their course I am contemplating my next step.
