Thanks for your input Sharon. I have considered talking to a DB coach, but as I said before it is not in my nature to talk to strangers and I am trying to find me... not the person people think I should be. I do feel like I am starting to heal. At first all I felt was shock when my husband first confessed to this. And I still wonder how much longer this would have gone on if I had not confrunted him about it. If you put my husband in a line up of men, I would have said that he would be the last one to ever do something like this. He abores cheating. He is the first one to call out any guy that does or says something dishonest to their significant other. During this last year when he had this affair he still continued to talk poorly of people who cheated, but now I come to realize that he also thought very poorly of himself. He still feels like he does not deserve me. I feel pain when he suffers. He seems shocked everytime I tell him that. I hurt more for him than I really do for me. I don't even really understand it. So, yeah I am starting to heal. every day gets easier. We are closer now than we were at any other part of our marriage. And because of this I feel better, but I have this fear that something will change and instead of talking to me he will leave me. The fear comes and goes. For the most part it is not there, but when it shows up I am immoblized. These are the times I go to him for reassurance. and he gives it to me. I am hoping the fear will go away eventually. Will it go away? will I be able to completly trust him again? I desperatly want this to be over!
I understand that it is not your nature to talk to strangers, however, the DB coaches are trained professionals, rather than random strangers. They are skilled in helping people find solutions, and will offer support during the process as you work toward your goals. You may be surprised at how beneficial it can be when you have a sensitive, experienced coach guiding you through this painful & often lonely time. You talk about your fears and the shattered trust - it would be so good if you had someone, in addition to your husband, to offer you reassurance & encouragement.
