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Snodderly,

As usual, you are exactly right, and I know I have to face these papers head-on, to put my house and head in order. I answered honestly, and with paperwork to back up anything that might come under question.

In all, I'm asking for very little, I think. The contents of the house, which I had when we married. A vehicle, which I had when we married. The right and ability to live here until the house sells; his payments vs. my paying utilities and maintaining the place to show. I feel relieved now. Not better about the whole thing, but relieved. Either the judge will allow me to stay here by order or by giving me enough maintainence to make the payments, or I'll have to move and lose any chance of a downpayment for a place for myself.

Babysat last night for d24, and had time for reflection.

Here's the synopsis: H cheated while on business trip he talked me out of going on, so he knew he had it in mind. He has avoided even coming back to our hometown for fear of seeing someone he knows, or having to look me in the face. All attempts to talk to H have been thwarted by OW, who is checking his emails, and for all I know, deleting them.

OW has him convinced that somehow I am the bad guy here and he the victim. He avoids talking to me at all costs. She has him right where she wants him, 80 miles away, and I have no chance. It appears that the only lengthy face to face meeting he and I are destined to have is in the courtroom, and that will be too late.

I face the fact that we are most likely destined to be divorced. I admit I made mistakes in the marriage. I also acknowledge that I still love the SOB, but could never go back to the way things were before, with his drinking, PTSD mental problems, etc.

SO , , , 2 + 2 = 4. It appears to be a simple equation when you take the emotional factor out of it, and then it becomes algebra. The unknown quotient.

Not telling anyone anything new here, just finding the lowest common denominator. ( I have no idea where all the math ref's came from this morning.)

Still holding off on sending that letter guys. I know he will not be in the right frame of mind to read and understand it. I have just over 30 days to make peace with this in my mind. I'm doing my very best.

Have a good Monday everyone.

Punkin you are doing the math because you are trying to deal reasonably and rationally with emotions.

I have been at this a long time, though nowhere as long as Snodderly, and I am still not fully emotionally detached. However, I have made a number of friends along the way,from these boards, most of whom have not reconciled, and a few years down the line, these lying cheaters S*Bs are not happy bunnies. Most of them still are not prepared to do the work to rebuild and reconcile,, and so they remain estranged, sometimes with OW, sometimes not. But it isn't laughter in paradise.

We on the other hand really do go from strength to strength. Do I love my xh? Yes, I do, I love who he was, but he isn't that person any more. You would not want to be with the guy that your h currently is. Will he 'wake up' and sort himself out? Some do and some don't. I know women who have reconciled, and at times privately question whether it was really worth all the work. Yes, in terms of the fact that marriage is important, and there is shared history, but it is a long haul either way, and they are very damaged goods, especially if like our h's they are older, and in the habit of bottling things up!

It is a mess, either way. Reconciliation isn't easy, and some of them run a second time . . . [I know of several who have done this]

The OW is telling your h what he wants to hear. How could he be the bad guy? We are told not to demonise the OW, but women who go off with married men are not nice people. Doesnt' absolve our h's, but neither does it make the women OK. They are control freaks, and often deeply emotioally disturbed people, and I try to feel compassion, but it isn't easy.

We imagine our h's leading an idyllic life with them. Whatever these guys SAY, it isn't usually true. They have paid a huge price and have to believe they have gold, and not gold coated plastic. I wonder if many fairy stories, not just Rip van WInkle, where people go off with the fairies to a 'better' life and cone back years later to find everything gone, are partly about MLC.

Just checking in Punkin. How are you?

Doing well SA, Thanks. Just not much to say on my end. Court date is May 4th, and I'm gearing up mentally for that. Have decided to go for a 1 hour full body massage the day before so they can just slide me in under the door.

My response to his inquiry, not appearing to be mad at all and openly asking when he wanted the rest of his possessions, has illicited no response whatsoever. Go figure.

Think I'll subpeona OW and let them stew over that for a month, call her to the stand, and have my L simply ask her what her physical address is. Then dismiss her. (Insert Evil Laugh)

How is it going with you?

Pun you effin crack me up!

Don't EVER lose your sense of humor!

Punkin - what a great idea - a massage before court! Maybe you are onto a new business - open a massage parlor IN the courthouse:) Could make a fortune!!

Punkin - what a great idea - a massage before court! Maybe you are onto a new business - open a massage parlor IN the courthouse:) Could make a fortune!!

Is there an echo in here?

Sorry......I wanted to emphasize the point:)