She could have very easily addressed any problems, asked for what she needed, and watched as I took care of those issues.
Are you sure she didn't? In hindsight?
Right up until I was hit in the face with an EA...that was really a PA I'd later find out. I thought life was just dandy.
In hindsight, I was a selfish, cowardly and arrogant asss. I chose not to see or hear her warning signs.
And once she had built up a large enough wall against me she had no problem (and rightfully so) with realizing I wasn't going to change just because she asked me too. I didn't see the problem.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I've thought about this a lot over the years. I don't recall her asking. But I do recall the situation: making a tough decision to move from a different part of the country and start my career over again to be closer to family, having a home we signed on not get built, eventually finding a house, and trying to get settled in a new town, having two little guys. She didn't ask, but she needed me to lead his through this tough time. I did the hard work, and made it all work, but blew it in the calm, cool, and collected department. She needed a rock.
J3Bs, yeah, I'll take my share of the responsibility. But here's the real reason for my concern....
Was re-reading Not Just Friends, which points out that some As happen becuse there was something missing in M but that increasingly many As happen just because there was opportunity to be with an attractive other.
My concern comes from observing that my W craves excitement, has opportunity, and - if I am to believe remarks she's made about other's situations - doesn't particularly think As are that much of a big deal. About a year ago, when we briefly discussed my concerns about her new boss she said I'd have nothing to worry about - she'd lose her job if she had an A with her boss. She's always very practical. Of course I was hoping for an "ILY and have no interest in OM, am not attracted to boss anyway" type response.
Ws boss has been gone for a couple days, out of the country and mostly out of touch. Ahhhh. What an AMAZING difference. Only takes a couple of days to feel "normal" again. Things were ok, NOT instantly great of course, but like a great weight is gone and I can make good progress. I was so happy today my coworkers asked what was up. My students said it was the most fun day of the semester. Ws working late and I don't care a bit! Heck, I'm going to suggest she go out with her girlfriends tonight.....
