She keeps texting me today...at first, it was just to say she is going to sign the tax forms (why tell me?)..Then it was about when I am going to see her parents (I guess so she could give me my truck key). I told her she can give it to me this weekend.
I choose to look at this as a positive. Maybe she didn't like the day we had zero contact at all. Maybe she is missing me. Regardless, I still won't initiate contact with her...She can come to me!!
This is how you do an 'AS IF' attitude. Assume the BEST.
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
That is exactly what you need to do Brian. Hang in there!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Stay positive man and keep showing her the new you.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Crying hard right now...Been cleaning up a closet and found a couple of houndred photo's. My wife is so beautiful. I hate what I've done to our marriage.
I went to see her best friend today to give her some DVD's I made her. We ended up talking about everything. She can't believe how my W is so easily going through with this when it's obvious how much of a change is being made. I told her that I'm sure the OM is a big part of her leaving. She told me that my W seems extremely happy and can't understand how when she is doing this to me. I guess when you have a new relationship, the newness of that will do it.
She has asked my wife why she doesn't try to work it out. MY W told her that she is afraid if she does, then she would end up staying for a few more years. Based on that, she thinks I will revert to what I was (and I don't blame her). Actions will prove otherwise. She did say that my W told her she just doesnt have it in her anymore to try. It kind of contradicts some of the other things she has said (100%/50% theory)
I asked her friend to be there for my W when her new friend turns to romance. Those things never last and she will need her friend when it eventually ends. After talking with me, she see's the same and is disappointed with my W. I told her that when all of this goes down, to let my W know that it doesn't matter what she does, who she does, or t.he financial situation...I will be there because all I care about besides fixing me is her.
Her friend felt hurt that my W was leaning on this guy as much instead of on her. I ended up telling her my plans and that I thought my W missed me and that is why she has been texting me and is coming over the "see the dogs". Of course, she hasn't had any contact with me at all today. That will be the second time in 15+ years.
I am trying to hang in there tonight. I have had some bad thoughts but pushed them out of my head.
Tammy, wherever you are tonight...I love you with all of my heart and will wait for you till Jesus returns. You are best friend and you make me whole. I miss you.
She has asked my wife why she doesn't try to work it out. MY W told her that she is afraid if she does, then she would end up staying for a few more years. Based on that, she thinks I will revert to what I was (and I don't blame her). Actions will prove otherwise. She did say that my W told her she just doesnt have it in her anymore to try. It kind of contradicts some of the other things she has said (100%/50% theory)
Brian - You are in the worst days of your ordeal, and I feel for you my friend. I know just how difficult and heart wrenching it is. I was where you are a mere 3 months ago.
The past 3 months, however, have proven to me that the hope that I held back in December was not 'false' hope. Those 3 months taught me that DBing can and does work.
There are no guarantees, but IF you are patient, continue with whatever 180s you believe will make you a better person and H, and if you give this the necessary time, you have a chance at saving your M. AND, even if you are not successful in saving your M, you will have saved yourself.
Be patient... give your W the space and time that she obviously needs... and BE THE BETTER MAN...
I wish that I could tell you that all of this is going to be easy... I can't. But the rewards at the end of this terrible path that you are on may be worth every second of the pain that you are enduring right now.
We are with you. You will be okay... and you will be happy again.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Sorry you're hurting right now. Get it all out and then start talking some sense.
What changes have you been doing? Your W is messing around with another guy. Start getting some self-respect for yourself. That's why your W is being attracted to the other guy right now. WAW's in particular will usually jump ship when they have someone else to jump to.
Have you been working on the weight? Get up and yell, scream, do whatever, but DO NOT think that you aren't worth getting your W back. You got her to marry you. You can get her back. Remember that.
But you've got to start getting self respect for yourself. I put up a link of inspirational items to start rebuilding yourself. I'll repost it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Brian I hear your pain and we have all felt it. Believe, there were days that I thought I just wanted it over but I would ALWAYS think of my kids and to through away something so precious is Absurd. But the pain is so prevelent that its all you can think about.
Breathe Brian. YOU WILL GET PAST THIS , one way or another. The sun will come up tomorrow and there will be another day followed by another.
YOU have to STOP thinking that this woman defines you as a person. I KNOW you love her with all your heart but if she isnt in love with you right now, you cant give up and wither and die.
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.
IT will get better, trust me. I thought I was done as well but you have to just survive the next day. Thats all.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
