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I hope you are right Sandi cause this is really tough.

She called this morning and we talked about a lot of things and she commented that her brother should be here from a town far away but hasnt stepped up to the plate. He is 21 years older than her by the way and is in his 60's.

I told her that I would call him if she wanted me to and she said that would be great as she has asked him to come but doesnt see the need. They will cremate her and the service wont be until the summer.

So i called him and convinced him to come down.

She made a comment about how much her BIL hated her for what she has done and he has no right to since it has no reflection on him. Said something about how this affects her boys and that I should also make a better effort into being nicer to her around the boys.

I said that we shouldnt talk about that stuff right now and then she said that I never want to talk about things and get them out in the open.

( You know where this is going right, get your 2x4s ready)

Next thing I know, we are in a relationship talk.

All i said is before your mother died, we were talking about R and I dont expect that to happen any time soon but I asked if her Relationship with OM is on the decline in which she said that she couldnt give him up. I asked her point blank,
"Do you love him ?" And she said she thought she did at which point I said , well I guess that takes care of any R talk.

I told her I would honor the rest of my comittements for the sake of her mother who I did love, but I would not be a part of anything else after.

The OM is not welcome in any of these gatherings by some of her family so it would be very awkward for him to be there.

I told her in the future, If she has thoughts of suicide or is feeling down, please let OM deal with it as It is not my place anymore. I did tell her if she could not get a hold of anyone to call me but I just felt it was wierd that she would call me to be her go to guy.

I also said, please dont think about recon. we are miles apart from that. There is no possible recon with Om in picture.

She said she was having trouble letting me go but feels that there is no chance of her being what I want in a wife. She doesnt feel passion for me and hasnt for some time. She doesnt know how to get that back and feels that if we ever got back together, that aspect of our relationship would be a struggle.

I did say that things like that can be worked on over time but we shouldnt even be worring about that right now.

In the end, I think her statement about OM solidifies where she is at and is not willin to let him go.

How much more of that do I need to see before I see the writing on the wall.

Finally I said to her, look , you know I love you and you should also know that I dont want to love you and need to get you out of my heart. This will take time but I will get there. I have to let you go and you have to let me go, once and for all.

I have to distance myself from your life and you must do the same , we just have the kids to worry about together.

She asked, why couldnt we be like some couples that are able to do things with their kids together and I said that there arent many that do that; it is rare.

I said, that I dont see that happening.

Okay
Let me have it.

9
BITS

I don't think a 2x4 is needed. You were pushed to talk about things and from what I read you handled it well. The tough part will be actually following up what you said with actions. Can you really let her go?

I know you can, but you and I both know it will be easier said than done.

Im going to have to let her go Country. Enough is enough. Should i wait until they are engaged until I move on?

I know she is vulnerable but shouldnt tragedies like this actually push US together rather than the OM.

Its really almost pointless to get too much into it. The bottom line is that she cant give up OM. I thought that once they spent more time together that it would have fallen apart but it seems to be not Happening.

Sad

9
BITS

Only you can decide when it is time 9, only you.

In the end you must learn to live for you and the kids. She is not done with you but you can't help her. She needs to help herself

She does and all of you are right. TG, Sandi, Country, Denver, Islander, FOBD, the list goes on .

I KNOW what i must do. I was not a weak man once BUT G0dd0mn it, I cant get her out of my heart. I just saw her today at another function and I could not stand it any longer.

I politiely told her I had to go home and contact a friend that is in a crisis, which is true. I cant be in the same room with her right now.

She just got her hair done and was getting a massage by my youngest son and she looked amazing. Its just too much for me to bear right now. I have been with her since Tuesday morning more or less and after our talk today, i am just sad and cant fake it today. I think leaving was my best course of action.

There are sometimes when I cant put on airs. I am who i am. Usually what you see is what you get when you see me.

Dont want to give up but honestly, have people actually seen a situation like this work?

When she says she doesnt have any passion for me and hasnt for along time if ever.

Okay, hopefully pity party is over.

9
BITS

If you don't want to give up, don't. We have to remember that we can't believe what we hear. Give your W the space she needs. Go dark. Let her see what life without you will be like. Take that time to work on yourself, spend the time with your kids, be a better you. These are hard times right now. Quit on your terms.

Now if I can take my own advice, I will be ok.

lots of success stories. Not a whole lot when w is involved in a realtionship. I guess its no longer the OM as I am the OM now correct?

But thanks 2 step, there is some inspiration in there.

9
BITS

"I love him. He is my soul mate."
"I don't love you the way I should, I love you like a brother, we live like roomates."
"I hope you find someone who deserves you, who makes you happy."

Fist off, let me tell you how much I hate that word 'soul mate', I like to get every writer in Hollywood and kick them in the jimmies or jennies.



Do you mean there aren't any when the wife had an affair? Cause ahhh...I'll let my wife know.

Or do you mean while she is having one?
Cause, yes I'll agree to that.

For a more current dialogue from my wife:

"Oh oh oh my god!" ; )


See you goal?

All the way down there?

Your determination gets you there. Your ability to shrug off obstacles gets you there 9.

Does she love him? Yeah...
She loved you too, that sure as sure changed. So you think this love for him can't?

Look I am sorry she gutted you with that.
Doesn't change much.

Except maybe you'll figure out some questions you don't really want the answers to right now, cause hoping for an answer you want to hear is better left unasked.

What's the point of a 2x4 when you know in advance you shouldn't get off into a R but you CHOOSE to do it anyway. You were not forced into it! You knew exactly when the conversation made that curve and was headed in the R direction. And so, you traveled that worn out path again, and once again you feel like cr@p. How's that working for you?