Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives It's Time To Rock; Part I

It is just so obvious that she is using our D as an excuse to contact me. I can look at it as a positive sign, but it is also hard.

My responses will be less often and more elusive. Time to be the cat.

The call was a new one, she never calls and definitely not from work. I don't know what to make of that...

Country,
Try not to make anything of it. I know, it is hard. And I have a bad habit of not taking my own advice. But, just let the contact happen for now. Don't get too tied up with why it is happening. Focus on how you are going to DB when she calls, not why she is calling, OK? Who knows why the WAS does anything that they do. Just today, I was telling my C about my W's actions and he was coming out of his seat. He told me today that some of my W's actions are some of the strangest he has ever seen in his 20 years of professional counseling. He kept asking me if she was seeing a C. I told him that as far as I know, she is not. He just kept shaking his head and professing that she really needs help...

Let your WAS be as crazy as she wants. You can't control that and you shouldn't. Just worry about how you are going to let it effect you and your daughter for now.

Keep your head up!

FOBD

Thanks FOBD. I know that one of my biggest issues is trying to analyze everything. I do it in all aspects of life.

I did get sucked into one last little bit of contact last night. She asked how much she owed me for the second installment of her mortgage/bills payment for the month. I thought about before I did it, but I sent her a funny link. I had heard about this website called kitty wigs. Just what it sounds like, wigs for cats. Anyways, I knew she would find this hilarious, so I sent it to her. She was cracking up!!! Every once in a while I like to throw out those little things that remind her of our connection. Our shared sense of humor is one of those.

Other than that, she did ask why I never sent a pic of D. I just said I was "real busy." The whole thing was only a few texts and on my last one I ended it by ending the text with 'night (purposely leaving out the "good" part).

I feel good about a couple things here. She does get me talking more than I would like sometimes. She will send something with a question I am obligated to answer, and then when I do she replies right back, knowing that I am there, it becomes tougher to ignore. So this time I just took the opportunity to slip in a little joke, and then ended the convo on my terms. I also feel a little weak that she sucked me in once again. Oh well....

If your D is at daycare, why is W asking you for a picture and an update on how she's doing?

I had picked her up from daycare at that point. This is our common switch off. Yesterday for example, W drops off D at daycare at 2:00 on her way to work, then I picked her up at 5:00 after I got off work.

Gotcha!

It's up to you if you want to put up with her contast TM's about the D, but it looks very over-kill to me. She needs to experience some consequences of her decisions, and not having her D in her care 100% is one of those. She chose this. This is what she wanted, right? Why does she expect you to soothe away her pain?

My plan, as I mentioned from my coaching call, is not to go completely dark, but being more unpredictable. I need to ignore more of them than I have been.

My coach and I talked a lot about her text. She agreed that it looks like she is using D as an excuse to keep contact going. You're completely right that she needs to feel some loss. Both of time with D and of me.

There has been a definite change of the breeze lately. The messages have picked up, longer and also more questions about me. I need to just take it for what it is, a very confused woman who has no idea what she wants.

3:48 How's the goose? Send pics!!!!!!

*no response*

5:41 R u guys having a good day?

*no reponse*


This will test my resolve....

Your right. This will test your resolve more than you know. If you think it is hard not responding to her texts, wait until she doesn't text you for a while. It is hard either way. Hang in there, it will get easier, sort of.

Know this, you are on her mind

You're right islander, it's hard either way. The thing about this, I keep questioning myself. I am supposed to be unpredictable, tough to know what that is sometimes.

She finally sends an all cap PLEASE!!!!!!

So I broke down. Waited another 15 min and sent a pic. But no text from me, just the pic.

Right away, two follow up message.

I won't respond.

What it shows me though. She's just trying to open the door with these text. Good? Maybe. But it is also frustrating.