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no offense taken at all...that is absolutely something i do

i am trying hard not to read and i have told myself the same thing

unless he actually says the words "i want to make this work" or the like, i have to take him at his words already spewed "i am not interested in making this work"

thanks for the reminder

I do the exact same thing. One thing though. If we can analyze with our heads, not with emotion, it won't hurt us too bad. At least IMO. I over analyze to no end. But I also try to make sure I think about it from all angles, and then admit to myself I have no idea. I know for me, it is a personality trait that goes beyond the sitch with W.

country, me too
i have been known to be over analytical at times (well, lots)

it's hard to not want to think a small crumb of hope is being offered

but, there is no possible way we can know what they are thinking and that behaviour will do us more harm than good in the long run

hope everyone is having a great weekend

Thanks for helping me grr, I needed to hear that

grr,
For what it is worth, you should see the stuff my W posts on FB when speaking to my family. It reminds me of what you were talking about in your post in regards to your H and your sister. WAS's have this really weird thing in their minds that they are going to leave us, but still retain our family as some sort of F'ed up consolation prize. She constantly tells my family members that she misses them and loves them, yet she walked away. My C said that is the behavior of someone who is very, very confused. They do it to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for leaving. They think that by being extra nice to the family, it will somehow relieve them of the mess they created when they walked away from us. Whatever floats your boat, I guess. Please don't do anything to relieve him of this guilt. Remember, "YOU OWE HIM NOTHING, GOT IT?"

Hang in there, girl. He will either come to his senses or you will move on. Either way, the final decision is up to you.

BITS never walk alone!!!

FOBD

FOBD,

that is certainly one perspective ... here's another ...

The WAS does not see the extended family as the problem, they are not walking away from the children or the in-laws ... they are walking away from the spouse, the marriage.

Mind reading WHY the WAS does something is not good for healthy detachment ... even educated guesses, are still guesses and can be wrong.

YOU OWE HIM NOTHING is a little strong IMO ... and comes across as inflamatory.

grr ... back to you

let's keep digging her out ...

... this woman ...

Peace
PEI

Thats what I love about this site. Different opinions which give you new things to think about.
Its good but sometimes you wish that there was just one blueprint to follow that would be a fool proof way to get them back.

Sometimes I think though, do we really want them back after all this? And if we did have them back, could we really put all the pieces back together and have a successful marriage.

9

Just checking up on you, grr. Hope you are doing well. Stick in there.

thanks sparks,
actually my h is due back in ny any minute

my stomach is turning

it's so much easier when he is on the road
when he is just a few minutes away, it feels weird

i really don't want to see him

this fact is starting to scare me

I don't think that should scare you. I think I would consider that progress. Wouldn't that be positive emotional detachment in your situation?

I wish you luck while he is in town. You will do great!