Denver, I find that there is some similarity in their behavior. As you may have seen on my post last night, my w also got possessive about stuff in the house and the state of some of the things in the house. I am nowhere near where you are now, but I do find it odd that the WAS still cares about what goes on in the house they so carelessly walked away from...
Seriously, why did my w need to throw in that little comment from my grandmother??? If she is done with me and does not want to be with me, why in the hell does she care what my GM thinks? It was almost as though she was throwing it in my face that my GM still cared about her. Why? I will tell you why. Because I think, secretly, my W still cares...
None the less, I am still very proud of you. I woke up this morning in a much better mood. Why, I am not really sure. I am no closer to a reconciliation than I was before. But, for some reason, I felt good today.
BITS, I need some serious help today. A certain day next week would have been our 10th anniversary. What should I do? Let it pass without notice of any kind? Acknowledge in some small way? Acknowledge it in some larger way?
I have no idea what I should do. Suggestions????
I am looking for any feedback here!
This BITS does not want to walk this decision alone...
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
make sure you are busy that day don't sit around and wait to hear from her don't acknowledge it (unless she does first)
it's hard, i know
but you will get through this
as for the comment about your grandmother, it just sounds childish to me she was throwing that in your face to get a reaction why? who knows, not ever her
but we cannot read into things
i'm glad today was better for you
you will have more and more of these, and the bad days, fewer and further apart i know this to be true
I would not do anything. My 19th is coming up this month as well. I am not planning to do anything, no acknowledgement, no card and no gift. An anniversary is supposed to be the celebration of your marriage. Unfortunately our marriages only exist on paper. I did the same thing last year. Painful, but the reality is why celebrate something that is dead.
In my case, I would do something only if my wife took the lead. I don't anticipate that happening anytime soon.
Go to the movies go to the park go to the gym do something anything.
She will be in a bad way also. I guess it will depend on the level of contact you have with her from now till then. If she calls and you guys talk a few times from now till then a small text would be ok IMO if you have no contact make sure you have a day planned out.
Your post made me tear up today. I feel every word that you said to your W in your apology. I have said almost those same words to my STXH in a letter. I have never been afforded the opp to say these words to his face. I don't think he would have the same reaction as your W (he never did acknowledge the letter) but that's ok. My words came and were from the heart. If he felt otherwise, I can't control that.
In terms of your anniversary, I would follow what everyone else said. Don't acknowledge it. Do something for yourself that day to keep busy. This is just a suggestion and might be just a girl thing but from the time my STXH left, I got an old shoe box and just started putting in cards and notes in it. That was my way of acknowledging anniversaies, V-Day, XMAS as well as some random times of the day when I would think of him. I still do that and I hope that one day I can give it to him to show that regardless of what was happening, I still thought of him. That's an action right? Maybe you can start doing the same thing and it will at least get your thoughts out on paper. She will be thinking about it to even if there is NC from her that day.
You did a great job with accountability in your apology. Don't you feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted? Look, it doesn't matter how WE all got here, we are here and we are making a diligent effort to be healthier for ourselves. If our WAS's realize this at some point and want to be part of the team again, WE will have the control if that's the healthier choice for us at that time. There would have to be some "give" from them as well.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
As many have already suggested I'd find distractions. Our 29th is in a few months. I'm looking for some serious GAL activity, preferably without cell service.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
i echo the bits team. DO NOTHING for her on that day unless she does something first. Here may be the problem. Dont read too much into anything she does that day. Your Grandmas plate may be something you are reading too much into as well imo.
Who knows what goes on in their pea brains and then our pea brains try to analyze it. A recipe for pea soup or just a disaster.
But let the day come and go. It will be 24 hours just like everyother day.
9 BITS
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
BITS, I need some serious help today. A certain day next week would have been our 10th anniversary. What should I do? Let it pass without notice of any kind? Acknowledge in some small way? Acknowledge it in some larger way?
Get her a card that reads:
"On the this special day a special message just for you.
LOOK INSIDE"
<<<<<Inside of of card>>>>>>>>>>
"No really, look inside"
I would not get her a card or anything.
Or if you feel you have to. Get one.
Sign and seal it.
And put it in a drawer.
Pull it out when she is able to read it.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
