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Haven't you done the same thing? We all make it seem, in front of our S, that none of this hurts as much as it does.

Like others said on your previous thread...it sounds like she had a moment where she let her guard down and started to feel connected to you...it is typical for a WAW to pull WAY back after that happens. Be patient...give her time to think.

I know, it is just hard. I feel like it is the first day again.

What do you guys think about Bond suggesting I confront OM.

I understand man, it's tough, but you are strong. You wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't.

I can't comment on Bonds suggestion. I will only say this, take your time deciding what the best action is for you.

I disagree with Bond on this one Islander. What do you think that it will accomplish?

BITS
Denver

I don't know why people are asking "what will it accomplish". It seems obvious to me. Your W is indecisive. She's got a parasite of another man "divorcing his W for her". She's not going to make a decision to stay in the M until he's gone.

Women go into affairs because of low self-esteem and to fill something they feel is missing emotionally in them. All of her emotions are now tied up with this OM. She's not going to think about coming back until something happens.

Well I can only speak from experience. I confronted my W's OM who happened to be her boss. Once I did, he scuttled back to his W, said he never really had feelings for my W (despite what he told her), and practically wet his pants. Once he was out of the picture, she could concentrate on the family. He was a distraction.

She told me that by doing that, she got back a whole lot of respect for me because it seemed like I cared enough to save her from a big mistake.

But if you don't mind another guy messing around with your W, that's up to you. I didn't want a parasite next to my W whether or not we got back together.

Islander,

I'm in two camps on this so I'm just gonna think and write out loud here for a minute to see if I can help...

Years ago, I was in another relationship with a woman who I loved.
Although we were never married (could never come together on our vows), we had been together 15 years and had 2 kids together.

One day she started a physical "affair" with another man. The reason I put affair in quotes, is because at that time in her mind we were done.

It was only in my mind that our family was not done. In her mind, there was nothing left to save.

Still, I confronted the OM. He was twice my size, half my age...and there was no doubt in my mind that if it came to blows I would have fought him to the death and would have been victorious in the battle...

But I still would have lost the war.

She eventually dropped that guy and moved on to find another she has now been with for nearly 7 years.

And I eventually realized I was light years happier without her. Now many people told me I was better off without her, but there was no way I could believe it at the time.

I am not suggesting you are better off without your wife, but now that I think about it you are better off without the drama.

Sorry Bond. You gotta pick your battles. It would be a different story if the wife was committed to the relationship. Then, yes. Fight and protect and support the family until your death.

Otherwise, there are better ways to support your wife, clearer ways to draw your lines, and stronger ways to be a man other than beating the sh*t out of some snotty little predator.

Islander that guy's just the hired help. Think of him as being on your payroll to help educate your wife.

Agreed busting. With all due respect Bond, i know you are a vetren with amazing insight but I think that your sitch is different than Islanders.

It sounds like Islander's OM is not going to b with his wife so confronting him will not make him realize that he should be with his wife, IMO.

Only Islander knows how his wife would react. Would she be impressed by his strength or upset that he is intereing with her decisions.

Tough one to call.

9
BITS

I think that's what I was saying Bond (referring to Busting and Nine's posts). In my sitch, confronting OM at the beginning was a huge mistake. It PISSED my W off to no end... in fact, in may have been the nail in the coffin of the PA bc at that point it was only an EA.

I just think that there is a huge risk of confronting OM when your W is not committed to the M.

BITS
Denver

Confronting isn't for everyone. Again it's part of DBing. Do what works. Also it depends on HOW you confront. If you start threatening the guy, then you're going to get into alot of legal hassle. Reminding the OM that your W is still married is another thing.

But again, it's up to the individual. I knew how manipulative the OM was in my case and did something about it. And lets face it. In your sitch, the OM is VERY manipulative.

Either way, you're going to have to see things from your W's POV. There comes a time and a place where you can start making demands as to what you want to her, but she's not ready to be receptive. Just do what you want. Be the change. Be the better man.