You've probably heard this before, but you are inspiring me today. I am at this point of deciding if -- based on how things have been playing out and how my wife is behaving and things she's saying -- my wife is truly done and absolutely wants to move on with her life. Yet, I want to keep fighting for her, but I just don't know how to break through, especially now that we live separatedly. All she brings up nowadays is logistical stuff. When were separated, but under one roof, she would at least talk about my issues, her problems with me and us, etc. Now...nothing.
One of her love languages is words, so I'm starting to think that the 180s and GALs that I'm doing are blind to her. Of course, I'm just guessing, but I'm beginning to think if she files for divorce, I would be closing my door for her too.
One thing I am learning is to simply to see things as they are. No better. No worse. No projection. No expectation.
Just. What. Is.
Sometimes I drive myself crazy trying to make things go my way. Trying to control and expect and prepare and anticipate and dictate.
I am learning that doesn't work.
What works is what I am being, doing and having right now in this very moment.
In this moment I am feeling grand.
I am focusing on things that empower me and that I can control. Not on things that disempower me or that I can't control.
For example, yesterday and today I have been working on:
Developing some new beliefs Achieving My goal of doing 10,000 lunges Finishing a difficult task at work I spoke with a divorce lawyer I spoke with an immigration lawyer I set up a meeting DB coach I bought a new copy of The Divorce Remedy instead of whining that it's still at home where I can't get it I bought a copy of a book called Getting Back Together I bough a copy of The Guide To Better Decisions by Spencer Johnson
All of these things are increasing my self-confidence, my skills, my feelings about myself...
What I am doing is validating my progress and my own self-worth.
I am no longer doing it for my wife, or to save my marriage.
I've made the shift. I'm moving forward. I'm being present, open, receptive, flexible...
And fun.
Life is too good, too short, too sweet for being scared.
And if I have to say and practice and think and feel and train all this great stuff into my brain a billion times or more before I know I've finally got it balls to bone...
So be it.
I am
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
I recommend you keep on posting powerful, positive, self-validating stuff in your thread so that you can keep on coming back to it and reading good stuff about yourself and what it is you're up to instead of focusing on other things that don't make you feel empowered or good about yourself.
The only other advice I have is don't take any wooden nipples.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
They provide me with reasons and excuses for playing small and feeling like a victim, they only serve to help me avoid my response-abilities and being a mindless, purposeless fool is not what I'm about.
Busting you can find a myiad of EXCUSES not to do what you want.
Until you beat them all down you will not be who you want to be.
You are taking giant steps.
Good for you.
Keep stepping.
Let it sink in.
Let it become your skin.
That takes living it every day.
This is YOUR time.
I like that you have chosen not to watch your W and how your changes affect her.
They MUST be for you.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Whatever the reason, the only thing YOU need to worry about is you. These are things only (S)HE can figure out. This isn't about you. It is about him/her.
It all comes down to one thing: Personal Responsibility
Unless (s)he takes responsibility for HIS/HER actions instead of blaming you or anything else, then there can be no R. If there isn't that acceptance of his or her own actions, the issues will keep coming up again and again.
Stick to building yourself up. YOU have to outshine everything else (s)he sees right now. You have to be the positive force that guides him/her. Like a moth to a flame. You need to be the flame that burns the brightest.
And this...
Originally Posted By: MrBond
While you can't control what (s)he thinks, you can plant little seeds of positivity that may steer his/her thinking in a positive manner. Compliment him/her at times even when (s)he doesn't reciprocate or says something nasty in response.
I've used the analogy before that MLC is like a hurricane. Your W/H is the hurricane and is destroying everything (s)he held precious. Out of control and going in every direction. You must be like the mountain that stands in its path. No matter what (s)he throws at you, you will stand strong and won't budge. You are the strong (wo)man who will not be moved emotionally or physically.
Thank you Mr. Bond!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
