I need to tell my wife that I have rescheduled our DB session for a time when I think she might be available.
Right now our coach is only available on Mondays.
In my last email to her, when I upset her with my comments about me starting to look for someone else, in the very same breath that as I asked her if she could keep our 5 pm appointment, she responded very angrily.
The message I am thinking of sending to her soon is:
"I was able to reschedule our counseling appointment on Monday. Instead of 5 pm, it is now at 6 pm. As I have already spoken to the counselor by myself, she seemed to think it would be better if you were also able to speak to her alone.
Please let me know if you are able to call her at 6pm on Monday, and if you would rather speak to her by yourself or have me on the phone with you."
What do you think?
An immediate and practical answer ?
Let me get this straight....
She is PUSHING for a divorce....
And you are going to contact her about a session with a DB coach ?
In hopes of what exactly ?
That the session is gonna be some magic pill that is going to change her mind ?
She knows that the session is Monday...right ?
She knows what SHE has to do to be part of that.....right?
What is pushing her into it, possibly going to do ?
Except show her , that YOUR way is the only way right now....
Sorry dude...that is as practical as I can get about that...
Use that time with the coach for YOU....
An Army doesn't send an enemy it's attack plan anyway...
I know she had said she wanted to attend but perhaps now she has changed her mind. I know that you have left this an option for her to participate or not.
What you have to remember what works for you may not work for her. In other words, I am a huge fan of therapy and my STXH is not. He would NEVER attend a session of any kind. Does that mean it's wrong? No. It just means that he prefers to resolve his own stuff in a different way. He doesn't have to do it MY way. And that was part of my problem; my way or the highway.
You have given yourself a great gift my being able to afford a DB session or set of sessions. Use them to your full advantage for YOU. You can bring a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
If you are still interested in the session we spoke of. Let me know , and I will provide you the information to call and schedule a time that works best for you.
Dunno man.
I would still use it for me.
If she was that agreeable, she would be contacting you....
Have not yet decided what new beliefs and references I require, but here are some of the old ones that have been standing in my way:
It's too hard. It's not worth it. I can't do it. It will never work.
I'm not good enough as I am. I don't deserve it.
I don't feel like it. It's too much trouble. He/she/they will get upset no matter what I do.
Nobody can understand. Nobody is there for me.
There are no guarantees.
While some may argue that some of those are perfectly healthy and rational beliefs, I can see where they are having a negative impact in every aspect of my life.
Not only in my marriage, but in all my relationships, in my finances, in my health, in my spirituality...
All across the board those unhealthy beliefs have been keeping me disempowered and feeling insecure.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
It's too hard. Compared to what? It's not worth it. What about doing it is worth it? I can't do it. All the more reason to get it done It will never work. Unless I am certain it will work
I'm not good enough as I am.Ridiculous I don't deserve it. What am I focused on?
I don't feel like it. So what? It's too much trouble. Compared to what? He/she/they will get upset no matter what I do. What would that mean?
Nobody can understand. As long as I don't take a stand. Nobody is there for me. Nobody?
There are no guarantees. Death is guaranteed.
What is stupid or ridiculous about this/these beliefs is that first of all they simply are not true. They provide me with reasons and excuses for playing small and feeling like a victim, they only serve to help me avoid my response-abilities and being a mindless, purposeless fool is not what I'm about.
These elephant-sh*t beliefs are just the remnants of the tired old fearful elephant that had been cramping up my living room because I never had the courage to stand up and shoo him away for good.
And the truth is I finally DID stand up to my elephant step father. I took him down, I took him out, and now that insecure son of a bit*h is dead and buried and can never yell at me or make me feel small again.
And now I've confronted my mom about it. too. And I've told her in no uncertain terms that failed to stand up for me and helped me to feel worthless and to me that was unacceptable.
I told her I've been dragging that worthless piece of sh*t identity around with me all my life and IT IS NOT WHO I AM!!!
Who I am is...
Powerful beyond measure.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
