Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives PUTTING HOPE AWAY

9, your W is on the ropes. Try to control your emotions. You might not be sure what you want. But don't burn any bridges. Give her some more time, at least you know she's thinking.

Nine,
I think you need to think of yourself and your children first. Which you clearly are doing by staying home and taking care of them. I commend you for your actions. You are being the better parent, no doubt. And, I think you should be commended for wanting to keep her safe. We all still love our WAS's no matter what they have done.

But, on the flip side, you are not there to bail her out. She walked and you don't owe her anything other than to be her friend for now. If she doesn't have some time to sit in the hot water she has poured for herself, she is never going to look inside and truly find out what she wants. You don't need to rescue her. If she thinks that you are a "security blanket," she will not respect you or change for the better. If she struggles, listen, be a friend, but don't bail her out. At least not yet. There will come a time for that, but now is not that time. There is nothing wrong with smiling and giving her a hug as you tell her the bank is closed.

JB3 is also correct. Sounds like there might be some regret there and, remember, you are not "ex's" yet...

Keep your head up, buddy!

FOBD

Thanks everyone for your responses:
All good advice as usual. IT is funny that when we give out advice , its usually good but then when we try and act on our own, we eff up. Why is that?

Well she was suppoese to sign today and i havent heard anything from her since yesterday moring when she went on again about her job. I ended the conversation and almost feel bad for her but again, I remind myself that she is the architect of her situation right now.

If we were still toghether and this happened, it would barely phase us as she was part time before.

I am not going to contact her but we are in the March Break so we will have to make plans about the kids and her shift.

I dont know. Even though we are not officially exes, by her seeing OM and acknowledging him as her Boyfriend, what am I hanging on to? The hope that she will see the light and realize that there is no real future with those two cheaters?

Then what? What if she wants to come back for the wrong reasons?
Will I be strong enough or SMART enough to know the difference?

GOOD days bad days but mostly bad days.

9
BITS

[quote]
but then when we try and act on our own, we eff up. Why is that?
[/quotes]

Because words are easy.

Just got a call from my lawyer. She signed. Last time she was faced with signing she sent me these letters on face book, called crying. Pleaded to come back. Professed undying love etc.

This time, she simply signed. On to the next chapter I guess.

9

BITS

9,

This was for the legal seperation right?

For me and my situation? I can say that I cannot imagine how my wife and I would be married today, if we had not seperated 5 years ago.

You're right it is a new chapter, not the end.

Thanks Jack but I cant imagine being apart for 5 years. I do commend you for your dedication to your marriage. But if you dont mind me asking, what did you do in the mean time for the 5 years?

9

BITS

Sorry, misread your post. Doesnt say you were sep for 5 years. How long were you seperated and did either one of you have a relationship between Recon. Thats the part that really has me doubting any chance of recon.

9 my story is out there.
Seperated for about a year and a half.
And yes she had an OM for some of it and I cared about someone.

I'm so sorry, Nine, but as J3B says, this is far from over.

Starsky