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Islander, you are charting a great course! Keep up with the good work.

I just want to caution you on something I read (and ended up proving to myself). In one of my books on S, the author advised that couples do NOT move back too soon. You need to be sure you've worked on some of the issues that brought you to this point and reconnect *before* working on the M.

Every sitch is different, and maybe you and your W are ready, but I'd be patient about moving back together. Don't lose sight of the finish line just because you see a shortcut. Like so many have said here, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Islander - It sounds like you are making positive steps here. What you have been doing IS working and the #1 rule of DB is to do what works. Keep it up. But don't discount the progress that your earlier efforts and strategies had on getting you here.

BITS
Denver

Denver, I will never forget what got me here. Not being what she expected and letting her do what she thought she wanted to do, and living it , got me here.

She said last night that she was getting jealous, and she is not a jealous person. I haven't done anything, just started living my life. I haven't went out and partied, never indicated I was ready to leave. I just let her be.

Today she sent me a text message with a picture of a heart. I responded by saying I love u to. I thought a out not responding, but I felt I need to be there for her when she reaches out. I am still not going to contact her unless she contacts me. That is also what got me here.

I feel really good today...I just need to remember where we are at.

^

How I feel today.

I feel like the first time I realized that I loved my W, and I as unsure if she felt the same and did not want to do anything to push her away.

I need to remember to be very patient and let this run a natural course

I feel very down tonight. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I find myself wondering if the other night really happened, and if it meant as much as thought it did. I believe that it did, and now I can't stop thinking about getting my W and family back. I feel like I am so close, I hope I am.

W asked me last night if I would play words with friends with her. I did nit respond, but just started playing a game with her. We played a couple rounds, and then today we messages each other while we were playing, no R talk though. However, when we played it was like an hour or more before she would play her round. Then after noon today, I have not heard from her. My mind
starts wondering if she has changed her mind, with OM, etc. I know I need to
give her space, and I need to start trusting her now.

____________
the other night when she came over, she was wearing a ring on her hand that I had
never seen before. I assumed it was from OM, and I REALLY wanted to say something
to her about it. I restrained myself and ignored it. Then we get into our conversation, and she voluntarily tells me were the ring came from, not OM. I can only imagine how our conversation would have been different if I would have started accusing her of something. She would have stormed out and not told me how she was feeling and thinking about comin back and working on our M.

I say this bc I need to stop assuming things. I am going to go to bed and see what tomorrow brings. I love my W.

She just came home...for good!

so happy for you!!!!!

enjoy this time.....

When I went to bed last night, I prayed that GOD would work on my W heart just as he did the other day. I pray all of the time. I went to bed, and about 1 am, I heard my alarm deactivate, and our dog (which my W took). I sat in bed for a minute knowing it had to be my W, but wondered if I was dreaming. I wasn't dreaming. I went to meet my wife, and we sat on the couch. I noticed she was wearing her wedding rings!!!!!

She said she did not wanted to hurt me anymore, but wanted to know if she could tell me how she was feeling. I told her of course she could tell me (it was 1 am, she was wearing her rings, and she was home) but I was nervous about what I would here. She also asked if she could talk about OM, and I said that was ok too.

W said she had a really hard day. Said how she ended the R with OM, but missed him. She said it was hard, but she knew what she had to do and what she wanted, our M She said when she ended it, he told her he had been feeling like she was going to go back home to me. She said OM W had also filed for D yesterday. She said it did not feel right for her to stay in her apt, that it was wrong for her to get it, and she wanted to come home bc that felt right to her. I told her as I have bf that all she had to do was come home and we would work on our M together.

W said that she wanted me to be patient with her and that she probably would not be affectionate right away. I told her I was ok with that, that I wanted to do things right with her. I want her to be affectionate with me bc she wants to be, nit bc I want her to be. I want it to be genuine.

W said that she wanted to be completely honest with me from here on. I told her I agreed and that I had already told myself that I needed to start trusting her today. I also told her there were certain things that I didn't need to know, that I did not want to be stuck in the past. I wanted to move forward with her. She agreed, and we both said we wanted to learn from our mistakes.

She also said she never wanted to cheat on me again. She caused to much hurt and pain, and she couldn't handle the stress. I agreed.

A great night. Almost no sleep and I feel great. A lot of work ahead, and I believe we are both up for the challenge. I know I left out a lot of info, and I will post the important parts as I remember them.

I just want everybody to know that they should not give up hope on their WAS. As of last week I would have told you I did not see any hope in my sitch. I also no that looking back, I was ignoring little signs that said there was hope bc I was listening to my Ws words and not focusing on her actions.

And here is the PULL BACK!!!!!

But I have to remember it is progress,

W just called and said she did nit want to rush into moving back into our house. She said she wants to be sure she wants to be there. She said she feels that way now, but doesn't want to get trapped.

W said she wants to start counseling with me next week. A HUGE STEP IN ITSELF. I told her that I found a counselor for us, but asked her to call him to make an appointment, and she could talk to him on the phone at that time to see if she liked him and would feel comfortable seeing him. She agreed.

This is a huge blow to me considering how well I thought the last 2 nights went. She said she was thinking about staying at our house a couple nights a week or a week at a time to see how things were going. She said it may stay like that for a couple months, or she may decide to move in next week. She just wanted to be sure of herself.

She said she definitely wanted to work on our M, and I know that is a huge step from where I was just last week.

I will admit, I feel very hurt compared to how I felt last night. I believed that if she moved in she was committed to saving our M. Now I feel as though that is not the case, and that now I am being tested so to speak. I told her I would give her the time that she needed, and I will.

She reiterated that she wants to be completely honest with me from here on, and I agreed with her.

I hate the lull back, but I haven't yet really lost anything, I know I am still gaining ground.

This is still very hard. I am very scared of losing her for good.