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Forgot to put this thought in my last post.

What did it take for us to wake up?........The Bomb, right?

We LBSs need to drop our own bomb on our WASs.
How do we do that?
We velidate their feeling, detach, and start living a happy prosperous life.
It's not a bomb that devastated us when they said they were living. But it will have the same inpact on them.

In hindsight I do agree it was a mistake. My DB coach had told me to reach out every now again and gauge the response. I hadn’t really done it a whole lot because I never felt the time was appropriate. Well, after her actions yesterday I thought it might be the time. I guess not.

I wouldn’t say I am giving up, but I need to get myself out of this pattern. I start to feel good; I get out do my own thing and do a good job getting her out of my head. Then sure enough she creeps up the contact and pulls me back in. Then she pulls back and round and round we go. It causes me to take a step back every time I have moved forward, it is a terrible cycle.

I am going to try to put a halt to this pattern. I cannot let her suck me back in. That is what I mean by moving on, letting go.

Good. The first step is to notice it when it comes around again. And believe me it will many more times.
Once you notice it and recognize it you will be able to act differently.

The key is to detach in a loving way, not revengeful or by being a jerk.

It takes time CS. keep practicing and be aware of the triggers.

So again, take care of yourself. Find what makes you happy.
People are instinctively drawn to happy, confident people.

gr8

ARG!!! P!SSED!!!

I get a message from OM's crazy W. She wants to know if they are living together. Crap IDK!

All I feel like doing right now is telling my W off. Contacting a L and getting my D out of there. I am so sick of the f'd up crazy drama world she has created. I can keep myself out of it, but my D is caught right in the middle of it. It drives me crazy!

Breathe Country:

Dont let crazy OM CW get you riled up. We all know that are W's have created these crazy situations that nobody wanted.( Except them but you even wonder about that sometimes)

Must remind yourself that you can only control things within your control and the OMCW is not one of them.

Keep detaching and moving forward.

Dont know how to advise you about Other woman for you. Gr8 is prob right that it is too soon but it is a nice distraction as long as all the cards are on the table. I dont know.

I was in a sitch like that last summer when W walked first time.
We watched movies and a little of the other but she knew my heart was with my W. But it didnt feel right in the end.

Crap, not much good advice for you right now CS.

Just hang in there and you know we have your back.

9

BITS

I know, but getting that message is just a stick in the side. A reminder of how f'd up everything is.

Don't respond. Don't get drawn into the drama. Detach from it in a loving way. OM's W is his concern, as he is hers.



Understandable. I don't know how bad the drama is that your W is causing and that your D is having to live with. Obviously if it threatens her physical or emotional health, you need to do something to protect her. If it is not, then don't get drawn into it. Detach with love, be patient, and give everything time for the dust to settle.

BITS
Denver

Don't worry, I am not going to respond.

I do wonder how this is affecting my D. If she is living with him, how does it affect a toddler to see her mom having an affair? Then there are the threating calls my W is getting from this lady as well. I don't actually believe she would get violent, but I also cannot say for sure. I know this, I am uncomfortable with the situation my D is in.

I guess its not a bad idea...Suppose your wife could say the same thing about the OM.

Hey lets all be happy, who cares about morals? They just f up the happy.

CS,

There is going to be many more things to remind you that things are effed up.
These are the triggers I'm talking about.

Recognize them so handle them the proper way.

Remove yourself from the drama.

I decided some time ago ... I don't do crazy.

Be aware, think, then act. take time in between thinking and acting.

Think....is this _______ crazy, effed up, illogical?
Is so, remove yourself from situation.

Breathe and excercise, you need some stress reduction right now.