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Man, this forum is great. Thank you so much for everyone who has replied. Fantastic advice. I hear it. I really do.

Denver, you are right that this OW is confusing matters. She is a pretty cool girl, and she likes me. I wouldn't be human if that didn't feel good. BUT, it is not what I ultimately want. I want my family back. So, she opens up this other path. A path that can bring immediate, but ultimately short lived happiness. I need to step back and look at the big picture again.

Quick update:

Just back from a Dr. Appt for by D along with my W. It went fine. Nothing really to report. Everything was kept to just idle light chit chat. I was happy and charming. So was my W. Our D did great. My W actually brought up getting me a B-Day present. I wasn’t expecting that. My guess is it will be from by D. We’ll see. I had the strongest urge to kiss her at what point, of course I did not. There was one point where we had to hold our D’s arms down. I was holding D and my W wrapped her arms around me from behind to help out. I couldn’t help but notice, but it was nothing… I did play the song I did of our D for her, she got a kick out of that. There were a couple awkward moments when the Dr. was asking questions about home that I saw my W get uncomfortable with. Neither of us wanted to mention that we are living separately.

Anyways, time to pick myself up by my bootstraps and regain the strength I had. Luckily through this I have hopefully not shown this weakness to my W. I sense a good night ahead of me. I will keep myself busy and keep my mind in check. Thanks again to everyone who chimed in. The support here is priceless.

Hey listen Country... I completely understand the temptation. We all need validation that we are desirable, both emotionally and physically. In December, I started making time for an OW that was interested in me. She was going through a D which did become final on Jan 6th or so. So she understood what I was going through, offered me a perspective on what my W was thinking, and was generally just made me feel good about myself again.

BUT it was a MIRAGE... bc it was just covering up what I was going through. It was a crutch. That's the best way for me to describe it. When OW began to say things that sounded like she was encouraging me to move on from my M, I stopped all contact with her. And also after a hell of a 2x4 from Sandi! LOL...

You know that my W and I are making really good progress right now. She and I have discussed my R with OW and what did and didn't happen. I can tell you, if I had allowed R with OW to go much further, it would have ruined my chances at reconcilliation with my W. And I would have had something else to regret the rest of my life.

Anyway... point is that I understand and I speak from experience.

BITS
Denver

That's exactly what it is. I know that but it is still hard to take it away. The fear of removing a crutch is that you'll fall.


I had to contact the W about money, she owes me the first month installment of mortgage, etc. I was supposed to bring it up at the Dr. but forgot. She said she had brought her checkbook but forgot as well. Anyways, no fights about money anyways, not yet at least.

Country,
I can also say that with my recent unexpected progress, if I would have started anything with an OW, it would have really hurt any progress that we have made. For one, I can only imagine that if I had started a R with OW how I would have felt after last night.

I can only say this. If you want to start a new R, make sure you have finished the previous one. This is not a game. This is your life.

Thanks for this.
I've been considering dating other men.
What can I say, I'm fed up doing what I'm doing with the same people. I'm starting to feel like a charity case.

Quick update.

First, I know I'll take a beating but... I went out with OW last night. I know, I know. She texted me late afternoon, had a bad day at work and wanted to go get a beer. It is just hard, here I am, go home to an empty house or go out and get a beer and have a good time?

Anyways, we did have a good time...

While we were out I got multiple text from the W. The first, "Hey, I finally got on Words with Friends, how do I set up a game?" (Words with Friends is a scrabble type game on the iphone)

Then, a pic of D with a caption, and then a video of D at the park going down a slide, another short text to go with that.

Well, I wasn't faking it, I was out and didn't get the text promptly and when I did I couldn't spend a whole lot of time on them. So last night, which was a couple hrs after she sent all of this, I simply commented on the picture and how cute it was.

This morning, I watched the video and commented on that and told her how to set up a game of words with friends.

Now this is weird...We had talked about words with friends a while back, and I set up a game. She already had a profile, but she never responded to my game request. Now she "just set it up?" IDK.

We'll see if she actually does it. It does kind of feel like she was reaching out a bit last night, maybe just a temperature check.

IDK, best not to over analyze I guess...

yes, don't over analyze..........i have been doing that lately and it gets me no where but crazytown

i am glad you had a night our
i understand about the empty house thing
i just hope it doesn't get too complicated for you
be careful

Yep....

Cause that "sitting at home" thing sux...

You could have had time to answer some of those questions you can't answer...

Unless you wrote the answers on a napkin at the bar....

how about go work out. then go have some fun.



My W did that to me when she knew I was on vacation. She sent me pics if the kids at the beach. I didn't respond, you shouldn't have either.



She is fishing here, testing to see if out will come running back to her. You failed the test, you helped her with something trivial. SHe now knows she still has you.

Get back to NC, You will be tested again.
The next time something seems weird to you, stop and think.
Then know she is testing you.
These events need to be instant triggers to your brain.

Stop settling for these little crumbs.

you can do it. gr8

Well gr8, I have gone back and forth on this a lot. Had a long talk with my DB coach about it. She thought I was better off playing the friend card rather than dark. I guess what I have tried to do is somewhere in between. Try to be unpredictable, not initiate the contact, ignore some of her more meaningless stuff, but then be friendly when I do reply.

IDK, I am in the "friend zone." She contacts me almost daily. Everything is light. The tough thing is that we have been in this same spot for a while, nothing is changing. I have one DB session left, I think I'll use it before too long and see if it might be time to mix things up.

She actually contacted me quite a bit today. I got sick today, ended up leaving work early. I let her know because she still stops by the house a lot on her way to work to grab little things. Well, I wanted to let her know I'd be there. The last thing I want her to see is a sick me looking like crap laying on the couch in the middle of the day.

Afterward, she checked in on me on how I was feeling. She has been bringing up my B-Day a lot the last week. All I can get out of all that is at least she still thinks of me.

She also told me OM's W is still contacting her. Crazy messages in demon voices. What a mess. How can she not see what a ridiculous little world she has created for herself?

Anyways, it has been a long tiring day. I guess the positive is it gave me a lot of time to just relax and think about things. I feel pretty good mentally. Just need my body to catch up.