for those familiar with me.....have been having what i thought were baby steps... we are separated, but spent some time in our home on the west coast last week. he had started the week by saying he was staying with his brother, but stayed with us half the time sent some very mixed signals to me we had a nice week and when i took the earlier flight home he kissed me goodbye, on the mouth 2x once home, he continued the mixed signals yesterday i had told him he could drop our s off at my brothers where my family was having sunday dinner he told me he would be there for that he made jokes about how he was the "son in law" that my parents didn't understand (my parents love him- it was a joke" so i guess i was surprised that he was referring to himself as a son in law tonight he wanted to have dinner with my s and me after dinner he and i started to joke about dating other people, which led to a relationship talk i asked him (stupidly) if he still felt the same (he is the one who wants a divorce) he replied "yes, nothing has happened yet" i don't really understand what he meant, but i (stupidly again) told him that i thought he should know that i still didn't want one he told me that he figured that, but he would be lying if he said he felt any different so now, i feel like i've backslid and i feel like all the progress i have made, as far as feeling better about things, is washed down the tub i am venting now so i don't call or text him i feel horrible right now
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to you grr. Men are selfish jerks... that's my sexist feelings right now. They temp check, dangle strings, want us to want them but want to do what they want... who does that?
You haven't backslid at all. If he was 100% sure he wanted out then none of what happened the past week would've happened. He's not behaving like a guy who wants out completely.
Wish I had some advice but I'm not in a good place to give any. Just wanted you to know that I'm here and praying for you.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
BTW, thank you for the recap for those of us who can't log on daily! I feel so far behind on some threads and don't have the hours needed to catch up but I'm trying. Recaps help so, so much for people not on here all the time or newcomers and those of us with really bad memories too.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
hey hope, have you been on the divorce busting facebook page there is a good article about the 12 ways to talk to your man..it's pretty far down on the page by now, but alot of us have read it and it seemed to be helpful thanks for your reply
I have been in this sitch for 8 months now and the same with me - no matter how it seems like my H is coming back in actions, when we have R talk he always says that I should not hope, not expect anything, and the more I seemed to expect, the more he seemed to withdraw. Whereas initially, after the bomb, there ere times he was not sure of wanting a D, as time went on and we would have R talk he seemd more and more sure of himself, although he does not seem to want one right away. The last time we talkd though, when I was the one who offered the D, he was the oe who seemed to pull back a little, saying "whoa, lets cross the bridge when we get there" and then he seeme d to come closer again.
Truly though, when I am the one to withdraw, he seems to come closer. Its the same old push and pull, the pursue and distance dance.
What I have seen here is that it has to come from them, and I think the
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I have been in this sitch for 8 months now and the same with me - no matter how it seems like my H is coming back in actions, when we have R talk he always says that I should not hope, not expect anything, and the more I seemed to expect, the more he seemed to withdraw. Whereas initially, after the bomb, there ere times he was not sure of wanting a D, as time went on and we would have R talk he seemd more and more sure of himself, although he does not seem to want one right away. The last time we talkd though, when I was the one who offered the D, he was the oe who seemed to pull back a little, saying "whoa, lets cross the bridge when we get there" and then he seeme d to come closer again.
Truly though, when I am the one to withdraw, he seems to come closer. Its the same old push and pull, the pursue and distance dance.
I really wish I understood that but it does seem the case. The more we want, the more they don't. It doesn't make sense. After a while, I want to say, let's get over the past and work on the present and the future.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
for those familiar with me.....have been having what i thought were baby steps... we are separated, but spent some time in our home on the west coast last week. he had started the week by saying he was staying with his brother, but stayed with us half the time sent some very mixed signals to me we had a nice week and when i took the earlier flight home he kissed me goodbye, on the mouth 2x once home, he continued the mixed signals yesterday i had told him he could drop our s off at my brothers where my family was having sunday dinner he told me he would be there for that he made jokes about how he was the "son in law" that my parents didn't understand (my parents love him- it was a joke" so i guess i was surprised that he was referring to himself as a son in law tonight he wanted to have dinner with my s and me after dinner he and i started to joke about dating other people, which led to a relationship talk i asked him (stupidly) if he still felt the same (he is the one who wants a divorce) he replied "yes, nothing has happened yet" i don't really understand what he meant, but i (stupidly again) told him that i thought he should know that i still didn't want one he told me that he figured that, but he would be lying if he said he felt any different so now, i feel like i've backslid and i feel like all the progress i have made, as far as feeling better about things, is washed down the tub i am venting now so i don't call or text him i feel horrible right now
I don't think you've backslid, grrr. I don't. You simply laid things out on the table and heard what he had to say. It does hurt. It hurts a ton. Take a moment to own the pain and don't suppress it but don't let it consume you.
we're all here for each other.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
