Just wanted to see how you were doing. My H tried the same sort of thing with D24. When they did meet, by accident, Ow just steered around D24 like she had a disease. She has no real interest in my Daughters, because she doesn't recognize them as his children since he adopted them.
I don't think H's ow has much interest in my kids either as she seems very jealous of any time he spends with the girls. Not to mention the text between H and ow saying that he was not going to quit spending time with the girls because it depressed her.
My new dilemma is that today when D12 was out with H, he asked her if she wanted to go on vacation with him, ow, and her family to the Outer Banks.
D12 has thus far refused to meet ow. This tactic may be the one that wears her down. She may jump at this chance because we've never been on a 'family' vacation together because we could never afford it.
So, while H ran out on his responsibilities and left it all in my lap, he's taking yet another vacation with ow and this time trying to take my youngest with them.
Obviously, I don't want her going with them. It's not the kind of environment I really want her exposed to. I just don't know what to do or should do, if anything. Any advice?
You and H are not D, and any relationship with OW in which he is sleeping is an environment that you have every legal right to step into and say "Not my Daughter". Contact your L, he can tell you the yeas and nays of this in your state, but I know many states still recognize the right of the parent to say NAY when it involves another parent sleeping around.
Our children meeting and being around OW and possibly even liking her is something none of us want...punkin may be right and you might be able to stall that for the time being...hopefully your D will decide on her own she does not want to go and you won't have to deal with that!
Tempt her with a plan for a summer vacation with your family this year! Even if it is just a long weekend getaway...she probably would feel more comfortable doing something with you! That would be somthing you could ALL look forward to!
Maybe someone here will have a different idea!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Hi SA, just catching up....I would hate if my D went on vacation with H & OW...not sure if anything could be done legally...I doubt it...
I think your H is bribing your D because he is trying to legitimize his R with OW and "normalize" everything...Does you D want to go?
One way to avoid it is to plan something with your D for the same time as H is going and do it before she accept H's invite...doesn't have to be a vacation, just something that your D always wanted to do, but didn't have an opportunity...just a thought
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thank you so much for responding and for understanding.
GAG, yes D knows his plans, he spoke to her about it. He asked her when her spring break was because if it coincided with them going, he wanted her go too if she wanted to.
I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that part of this stems from my insecurity that D might find that she likes the ow and that she'll replace me with her just like her father did.
Now, I know that's the insecure part of me talking and the rational part knows that my bond with my D is very strong and that isn't likely to happen.
Unfortunately, this is an opportunity for D that I can't give her at this time. I wish I could. I will leave the decision up to D. If she goes, it will cause me pain, but I'm well practiced at hiding it from her.
Thank you all again for responding. I will do some more thinking and maybe I can come up with something fun to do together if she decides not to go.
A agree that it is a tactic by H to legitimize his R with OW.
I know you don't want to influence your D in her R with Dad, but I still say, she is not an adult and therefore the decision to go away with two unmarried people, especially while still married to YOU, is not the example a good parent would want to set, and shouldn't be her decision in the first place.
As distastful as it may be, perhaps you should talk to H (calmly) about it, perhaps he can see reason. I'm dreaming, aren't I?
