Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives New Miserable Person - WAW

We talked about what the papers will say last night. She was packing when I got home. There was nothing in her eyes or expression when she looked at me. After we were done, she started texting her "friend". Seeing the packing and what we talked about just killed me. I had to retreat to my room to cry. I locked the door and turned the lights out. About an hour later, she tried to come in but since the door was locked, she didn't. It was a rough night for me.

This morning, I went to her room to make sure she was awake for work. She turned off her alarm by mistake. When she got done, she sat for a few minutes and talked (mentioned she tried to talk to me last night but the door was locked). Then she left.

I really need to work on putting a smile on my face when I see her. It's just been a rough two days.

I'm sorry Brian. I know how difficult these early days with a WAW are. All I can tell you is that it gets better with time. Keep acting 'as if' when around her, keep doing whatever 180s you are doing, and do your best to GAL. Follow those 37 DB rules that I posted for you a few days ago. Hang in there.

BITS
Denver

Brian, in those times you both are together it is in your best interest to appear as solid and positive as you can be.

Today is Monday and she is moving out on Wednesday. That will be exactly 1 month since she told me she wanted a D. We are supposed to go to the lawyers to have the papers drawn up maybe this week or early next. I'm staying out of her way (even though she says I don't have to). I'm sure I will have a MAJOR cry on Wednesday night when I get home and then hopefully, that will be that last. I did offer to help her move if she needed it. I don't think she wants me help because I have a feeling the OM is going to help.

Working on me today. Going to go spend some money and make myself happy!

Brian,
Hang in there, buddy. Sounds like she is really in a hurry. My W is also in a hurry. However, I think I am competing against an idealized life rather than an OM. I feel your pain.

I find myself constantly vacillating between partnering with her on planning the D as a 180 versus trying to introduce delays to slow her down (and this is one of those things that DOESN'T work too well for me)

I'm sorry for what you are going thru. You reactions to all this is not out of the ordinary so don't beat yourself up.

The last line you typed should be your motto every day...at least the working on me today. Spending some money on yourself maybe not so much every day! ;-) Although, I would be a hypocrite if I said I wasn't a fan of some retail therapy!

Stay the course!

Thanks for the response! I'm going to go buy a bed for my step daughter (she is staying in the house with me).

I do have a question...When our divorce is final (I'm guessing in about 37 days as alabama law says the papers sit on the judges desk for 30 days before its final), should I go out with other women just for fun (nothing serious)? I know if I did, it would get back to my STBX and I don't want to hurt her or make her mad at me for doing it.

Brian, I think it depends on what you are trying to accomplish.

If this is part of moving on and bettering yourself then why should you be concerned with how your STBX reacts.

I do not think this is a good idea if you are attempting to illicit a response from your STBX.

I do want it as a way to help me move on and better myself...But I also don't want it to hurt any chances of a relationship with my STBX in the future. She seems to be doing whatever I do now (I take my wedding ring off, she does too...I detach, so does she..)

We go see the lawyer on Thursday. I figure it will take about 10 days to get the papers ready and for me to have another lawyer look them over. After that, 30 days and we are D.

One thing I am now looking forward to is not having to "hide" in my own house anymore. I can sleep in my own bed and not wonder when she is coming home. This isn't her home anymore.

Yeah..I'm with you there. Slowing down, in my case, would only push her away. I am doing everything I can to give her space and whatever she needs to get this done. She has thanked me many times for this.