Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives 26yrs is this the end

kevchereisasuggestion thishereismybrainrunningoffatthemouthwithoutthinkingjustspewingcrapalloverthepalceitisreallyhardto followifyouknowwhatimeanhowcan anyone reallyfollowwhatiamsayingwhen i typeallscruncheduptogetherlikethis
idontwantthisguytothinki'mjudginghimijustwanthimtoseethat rightnow itisreallyhardtoreadhisposts and I really want to hear him.

But if I hit the enter bar twice..

Now there is more space between my sentences...

Now my thoughts and feelings are distinct...

And now I am not making other people work so hard to decipher what I am saying.

Well here goes..
Getting off rollercoaster
No contact only response to hers but calm and in control
Little stuck on this one but i guess she will make some comment about missing me, how do i respond
Cannot and will not live with her in this frame of mind.
She is with other man as we talk although she thinks of me, i have set my boundaries, i do not accept another man in our relationship, do what makes you happy, you know where i am....kevc

Thank you k!

That really helps me.

Now it is easier for me to see where you are at.

Congratulations! It is so great to see you getting off the rollercoaster!

I'm also finding it difficult sometimes to "hold back" when I feel a need to initiate conversations.

But then I realize that my neediness does not serve either me or my wife.

EVERY SINGLE ONE of the best conversations that she and I have had lately, she was the one who initiated, and I was the one who was really cool.

Whenever I initiated or I lost my cool, I set us both back even further.

Keep up! You're doing great!

Kevc, I agree with Bursting. The best conv I have had with W have only occurred when she wanted to, and I had to remain calm and in control.

When the conv went to a place I could not remain calm I needed to steer it elsewhere or leave. Steering calmly with neutral to positive body language is better than leaving. Leaving then returning when calm and in control is better than an outburst.

Do what you need to do to be confident, calm and in control of yourself. I am glad you are getting more active in your church. There is an enormous amount of support to be had from social groups working with common interests.

Keep the DB principles in mind as you consider the advice you receive from everywhere. Remember what is working in your sitch and keep doing it. Patience, calm purposeful patience will see you through.

Thank you for your support, i do feel better at the moment and have a new lease of "db life". I can guarantee tonight when he drops her off she will go on fb waiting for me but i WILL NOT be there i am not available. She has eaten all the cake im afraid, i love who she was and maybe one day my wife will return and i mean my wife not this person who i know longer know. I have studid hard the MLC and its scarey but she fits so well, i dont have any blame for her as i do feel this is out of he control also, so see what the week brings, i hope for you all its a positive one and if not for your marriage then at least for you as loving human beings i know you are....kevc

Kevc, Good for you.

Please keep using a few more carriage returns <Enter Key> in your posts.

It makes them easier for us to read and understand.

Hate to say told you so, but.....told you so,

Phone text last night please come on facebook< (i wasnt waiting as in the past, havnt done for a few days )

Left it an hour replied and went on chat

The normal how are you and then... i cant get you out of my brain, i realise how much i love you, i cant stay on this journey any longer.

I stayed cool, i said thank you for thinking of me.

Then she said that she has some houses to look at but dosnt want any of them, misses her home here....i replied ok

We talked some general stuff then...... I want to come home.

I went quiet just to gather my thoughts, i then said maybe we should meet for a drink and a talk,so tomorrow we are meeting up.

Im not counting my chickens, as this could change, dosnt take much in the state of mind she has been in,

Like i said this has been nearly three years from begining,

Anyone new reading this i simply went dark for four days, and she was only up the road at my daughters for some of that time,

And yes one night with other man, well we will see, any advice for tomorrows meet would be good,...kevc

Kevc, Good for you. You did well. Keep doing what your doing, as long as it seems to be working.

Project a calm, cool, collected, confident demeanor even if you are not, act as if you are. Be reserved, but friendly, do not pressure or project an agenda. Let her express herself. Validate her feelings, do not try and fix her problems.

Do not go into this with expectations, rather gather information and use it to plan what to do next.

Thank you JS,

Well a little more news along the grapevine,

Spoke to my eldest daughter, the one who has been backing her, apprently my wife spoke to her this morning and said she is not happy with OM.

She also told her she missed me alot over the last week and that she wants to come home.

I have been told by my daughter that i did the right thing and left her alone, and she told my wife....see Mum the grass isnt always greener, is it.

So lets see how tomorrow goes, and even after that i know i just have to keep Dbing, as this could turn, and i mustnt forget the Women at the refuge are not going to like the idea at all.

After what my wife has been telling them she must know they will try and persuede her not to return.

So this really will be a fight to the end, .....kevc

Kevc, Yes it will be a fight to the end and after, but as you make progress I believe it will get easier. You do have to keep DBing, but adjust to the changes in your sitch.

I copied this from a veterans post earlier today I wish I had copied the posters name to give credit.. Do not rush. Do not pressure. Build trust and friendship first. Remember what got you here and 180 from it.

Keep posting, I may never have the opportunity with my W that you have with yours. The successes posted to this board give the rest of us strength.

There is another forum called Piecing Our Marriage back together. I understand it is a good place to check also.