Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Tomorrow is D day...

divorce will be final tomorrow. I have thought about talking to her. Trying to have a heart to heart of some sort... just letting her know that my love is unconditional and that if her moving on with life is what it will take for her to be happy then I hope she finds that. On the other hand I have thought that staying dark and letting her process it would be the best route. Ultimately I just want her to feel welcome to open up to me if that is what she wants to do...

I am convinced that she needed to see this through to not feel like she was letting herself down. I just want to know what you guys think about how I should communicate with her at this point.

thoughts?

Next, I am so very sorry. But I honestly am so inspired by you and your understanding that this is not the end. Truly, I am humbled.

What was your last interaction with your W? When was it?

I'm praying for you.

LIS

IMO, I think I would do it. I commend you for sticking this out, and being prepared to stick with it even after the D, that is great. But what do you have to lose at this point? If your plan is to stick with this after D, you have all the time in the world, so even if this does cause a set back, I don't know if I would be too worried about that.

IDK, make sure others chime in, because I could be giving horrible advice! But like I said, if it were me, and D was final tomorrow, I would have no problem telling my W anything I wanted to say.

Every time she started to come back towards me I could see the struggle she was having inside of herself. I kept telling her that I was sincere in wanting to be the best for her and that if I had to give her the divorce to show her then I would. I feel like I have done that... I just don't want her to think that I have moved on.

My last contact was through text on Saturday.

I had taken her degrees to her house but she was out running so I left them on the porch and texted her to let her know they were there.

She replied "thanks... I'll bring some stuff to you sometime" and I took that as positive because she really hasn't taken the initiative to come towards me.

I replied to that letting her know that would be great but that I would be out of town on Wednesday or Thursday for an interview out of town. Then she replied that the divorce would be final on Wednesday but I didn't have to be here for it...

I am confused why she was holding that information from me because she obviously knew before hand when the divorce would be final but hadn't told me about it until then. I don't know if me saying I was going to be out of town upset her and she wanted to get even or what. I really have no clue... All that I know is that she would not be ready to look at reconciliation until it was completely on her own terms. This means letting her go and I have done that. I am moving on with my life in a way that I hope doesn't conflict with our ability to work things out if that's the path that she takes.

hi next
i am so sorry
i think that if you really feel like you want to say something, do it

if only because you might regret later that you didn't
this way you leave no stone unturned

BUT...i would make it short, sweet, with no begging or pleading

here's hoping you are ok

I am glad to hear Country Song saying what he is saying. I agree. I think that reaching out to her a little here is not out of line.

I also agree with what you are saying that she needed to see this through.

There's hope, sweetie. I keep telling everyone that one of my very dearest friends divorced his wife and ended up remarrying her. It happens and it happens a lot more than we realize. Keep working your plan.

I'm praying for you.

LIS

next....there are no words other than I am so terribly sorry.

I completely ageree with your statement..."I am convinced that she needed to see this through to not feel like she was letting herself down." I feel my H is going thru with our D for the very same reason. I think for the first time, they feel like they are in the drivers seat; it's all about control.

I agree with grr. If you feel the need to say, go for it. Say what's in your heart. You really don't have anything to lose at this point. But she does...a great person who loves her and is willing to do anything for his M.

My dilemma is that I don't want to come across like the only reason I didn't put up a fight is because I thought *that* would get her back... I have to let her know that I want her to be happy and that is my only motivation.

I don't want it to seem like I "let" her do this and I really don't know how to put it into words without it coming across like that.

She made comments throughout the process like "you hear about people getting divorced and remarrying..." or "if you love it let it go..."

so I have hope. I believe that she wants to trust me. I just have to figure out how to let her feel free without feeling like I abandoned her lol

Next, only you truly know what the right thing to do is. If you do talk to her, speak from the heart, don't try to over analyze it.

I'll be in your shoes in a few weeks next.
Your attitude inspires me.
My W is so cold these days I actually want her to be gone.
But I still love her and want to find somewhere in her the person I married. But that person has gone.
When our D is final, we'll still be stuck in the same house, an agreement we made for the kids.
I believe it is a good thing for them, but I hope it is the right decision for DB'ing. We'll see.