I have no idea if this is good advice or not. But if what she is doing with your D is unacceptable to you, perhaps you need to get a L involved. That way it takes any emotion out of it.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I have no idea if this is good advice or not. But if what she is doing with your D is unacceptable to you, perhaps you need to get a L involved. That way it takes any emotion out of it.
You see, that's my struggle - be the one who initiates (and thus, in her eyes, showing her I've given up), or be trusting and be patient with her. Part of me is saying that how she's acting is deliberate and I need to protect myself NOW, while the other part of me is saying how's she's acting is typical of a WAS - childish, immature, crazy, a complete opposite of her TRUE self, calculated but not completely so, misguided, whatever you want to call it.
First off, you can't control what she does or doesn't do. If she wants to unfriend everyone you both know on FB, that's her perogative.
If, however, you are concerned about the well-being of your son, then you need to get a L involved to know what your rights are if you and your W can't come up with an amicable agreement.
If you are concerned for his safety, then first and foremost you need to act like a father. Not a husband. Be sure he is in a safe environment that you are comfortable with. It's not initiating D or saying you agree with it or whatever. It's called being a father and a man who protects his family first and foremost.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
First off, you can't control what she does or doesn't do. If she wants to unfriend everyone you both know on FB, that's her perogative.
If, however, you are concerned about the well-being of your son, then you need to get a L involved to know what your rights are if you and your W can't come up with an amicable agreement.
If you are concerned for his safety, then first and foremost you need to act like a father. Not a husband. Be sure he is in a safe environment that you are comfortable with. It's not initiating D or saying you agree with it or whatever. It's called being a father and a man who protects his family first and foremost.
Mr Bond...or can I call you James? She may not have told me where she's moving to, she told me which town she's moving to and told me not to worry, it's a safe neighborhood. I'm also preparing for mediation if her expectations are unreasonable.
[/quote]Mr Bond...or can I call you James? She may not have told me where she's moving to, she told me which town she's moving to and told me not to worry, it's a safe neighborhood. I'm also preparing for mediation if her expectations are unreasonable. [/quote]
You have every right to know where your S will be living. Not just the town, but the home address and all other living conditions. Perhaps her feeling that you are smothering her is the reason she doesn't want to give you the address. It doesn't matter. Not knowing exactly where your S is at, is unacceptable.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
[/quote]Mr Bond...or can I call you James? She may not have told me where she's moving to, she told me which town she's moving to and told me not to worry, it's a safe neighborhood. I'm also preparing for mediation if her expectations are unreasonable.
You have every right to know where your S will be living. Not just the town, but the home address and all other living conditions. Perhaps her feeling that you are smothering her is the reason she doesn't want to give you the address. It doesn't matter. Not knowing exactly where your S is at, is unacceptable.[/quote]
I totally agree on wanting to know where my son is. However, how do I obtain information from someone who exponentially gets madder and madder the more I push her, who uses all manner of reasons/excuses to hold her decision, and says she's moving because she feels like I'm trying to control her? It's fighting fire with fire.
There is a reason people keep telling you to get a L involved. You need one.
As far as the "stop trying to control me" issue is concerned, you need to just keep reinforcing to her that this is NOT about her and you are NOT trying to control her, it is all about your right to know the whereabouts of your kid. How would she react if you did the same thing next time you have access to your child. She is denying you the right to see your child. She should not have that power.
I have a hard time believing that one parent can simply take the kid from the family home without the permission of the other and go to an undisclosed location, without any consequences whatsoever. You need to seek the advice of a professional on this.
Keep standing up for yourself through your actions, even if she tries to tear you down.
Also, how is the job hunt coming along?
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I completely understand Is she staying within a reasonable distance to you or is she moving out of state?
My W had her own crazy plans when it came to our kids. I did plenty of research on what my rights were, but she wasn't about to hear anything from me. I scheduled a consultation with a L that both of us agreed to attend. Her plans quickly changed as she heard that I have plenty of rights. Not sure if your W would even agree to consulting a L.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
There is a reason people keep telling you to get a L involved. You need one.
As far as the "stop trying to control me" issue is concerned, you need to just keep reinforcing to her that this is NOT about her and you are NOT trying to control her, it is all about your right to know the whereabouts of your kid. How would she react if you did the same thing next time you have access to your child. She is denying you the right to see your child. She should not have that power.
I have a hard time believing that one parent can simply take the kid from the family home without the permission of the other and go to an undisclosed location, without any consequences whatsoever. You need to seek the advice of a professional on this.
Keep standing up for yourself through your actions, even if she tries to tear you down.
Also, how is the job hunt coming along?
The Job hunt is looking positive still. There's one that looks most likely to turn into a solid offer; i'll find out in the next day or two. Thanks for asking, Mike.
I can't afford a lawyer where I am right now, but I hope to get in to the county's free legal cousel office tomorrow.
I completely understand Is she staying within a reasonable distance to you or is she moving out of state?
My W had her own crazy plans when it came to our kids. I did plenty of research on what my rights were, but she wasn't about to hear anything from me. I scheduled a consultation with a L that both of us agreed to attend. Her plans quickly changed as she heard that I have plenty of rights. Not sure if your W would even agree to consulting a L.
No, she won't. Basically she wants to be in control of the process, from when she wants to start the process, when she files, and so on.
She and our son will be moving to an adjacent town a few miles from where I am.
She may not have told me where she's moving to, she told me which town she's moving to and told me not to worry, it's a safe neighborhood. I'm also preparing for mediation if her expectations are unreasonable.