Next, my heart goes out to you, buddy. I have no idea what that feels like yet, but I am sure I will. So, let me just say I will try to send some positive vibes your way tomorrow.
As for talking to her, I think that really needs to be your decision. At this point, it can't hurt. But I agree, no pleading, no begging, no crying. Just leave the door open for her in a way that will let her know it is safe to come back...
Good luck, my friend!
BITS will be with you tomorrow!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Next I feel your pain do what makes you feel best. I will be in the same place as you in a few weeks. I have a few things on my mind I would like to say and I might. I will see how I feel when that day comes. Think of it this way you will feel you did everything you could for the marriage.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
In a way I am looking forward to it. I don't think that she can consider moving forward together until this happens so hopefully the day will just be a turning point in our ability to communicate. Either that or I am just in denial lol.
BITS
M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
I have no advice for you. I wish you luck with the D. Just keep your head held high knowing that you tried everything you possibly could to save your marriage. I personally believe there are too many people out there that just give up too easy. I believe it says more about 2 people that can live up to their vows and stand by each other. There have been so many times I wanted to leave my W because of different sitches but I always remembered my promise to her. I wish I could say the same for her. There is a lot of pride swallowing on this site and that is very commendable. I will add you to my list of prayers tonight. GOOD LUCK.
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
My dilemma is that I don't want to come across like the only reason I didn't put up a fight is because I thought *that* would get her back... I have to let her know that I want her to be happy and that is my only motivation.
I don't want it to seem like I "let" her do this and I really don't know how to put it into words without it coming across like that.
She made comments throughout the process like "you hear about people getting divorced and remarrying..." or "if you love it let it go..."
so I have hope. I believe that she wants to trust me. I just have to figure out how to let her feel free without feeling like I abandoned her lol
Your W and my STXH sound like they are sharing a brain! My H said gave to me the if you love something set it free speech. I've told him that even though I don't want this D, that I will agree to it on paper but never in my heart. That I love him too much to have us be enemies. He's said that he would like to be friends. So if it has to start at the basics again then so be it. Besides, I don't want my old M anyway. I want my new self to shine thru and hopefully start a road to reconnection and then eventually to reconcilation. If the D is going to give our S's the closure they need on this chapter, then we need to do it. Sometimes moving on but not giving up can acutally turn things around. Be the greener grass.
My heart is with you today.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Like everyone I feel bad for you, and I'm constantly feeling pain from my own sitch and others I read on here EVERYDAY!
With that being said, and considering that you don't have children I think in some ways you need to think of it as starting over. That R is done (in a good way I mean, the negativity, and the issues that caused it to goto a bad place).
You can continue to be optimistic with regards to potentially re-connecting with your W, but I think you have to act as if you would if you just met her and were looking to date her. Do your own things, try and find happiness in everything you do.
Heck, change careers, change hobbies, change friends, change your wardrobe, free yourself from the constraints. I know they are there because I feel them all day everyday with the pain in my current R/M.
I don't think my W understands that we can have a NEW R/M that is better than our current/old one, and in reality it needs to be NEW or it's never going to work. For me it's much more difficult because I have 3 amazing little girls to worry about as well.
I really hope you come out of this stronger than ever. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, because I'm struggling to get my point across...
BITS SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Next: So sorry to hear. I too will be in your position in couple of weeks.
I am planning on having a talk with my W the day before the D is finalized. I am not sure what, guess some kind of eulogy for the death of our marriage.
But honestly as many are saying here and i too have the same conviction: This is not the end of the road with your wife. Who knows man, you may get back with her with stronger vows. Keep the faith.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
You are now at the point where many of us newcomers dread.
You are a good man. Hold your head high.
Keep your dignity, and tell her your concerns.
Tell her you are letting her go because she has said it's she wants. I think it will show her that you believe in her, not that you are abandoning her. And, if you abandoning her is how you feel that she might take it, tell her that as well.
I also believe that if I was not abandoning her than I would not having any fear of her thinking that I had.
You are in my prayers, Friend.
Thank you for sharing, for holding higher standards, and for being a light for others.
Bless you.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
