Welcome to the board Rue but sorry you are here. Your story sounds so familiar! My H left the first time in 2001.
Reading about men in MLC really helped me to uncerstand what my H was going through and helped me to have some compassion for him. Detaching from the drama has been the hardest thing but one of the most necessary!
You are in good company here!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thank you all for your comments. I have read DB and DR. I will work on reading the other links posted. I guess im still abit confused it this is still a leftover MLC. Last time H never filed papers but this time he has. I feel that he has now decided he wants out. But at the same time I cant believe he would want to lose his family with his decision. Plus this time he is having an A with someone out of state. I dont know how to compete with that. I dont feel i should have to compete with that. Its just so hard to be mad at him. Maybe my love is stronger than my anger. Also i keep blaming myself for his leaving. Maybe i pushed him to hard. Like i said in previous posts hes not much of a communicator and a bit narcisstic but why do you just walk out the door. He texted me and wanted the tax info. Thats the latest communication ive had with him. I just want so much to fix this. I know im suppose to leave him alone right now and he even told me that a few weeks ago, "just let it be for awhile". But then i think, so he can fly off to meet the OW and have some fun. Im full of self blame and have little hope. Thanks everyone for listening. Rue
Welcome to the board. I'm sorry you have to be here but you will find compassion and people who understand very much what you're going through.
Your sitch sounds very familiar to me also. My H had an emotional affair 13 years ago. I believe his MLC started then or at least a precursor to it. He fought and came back from it and things went well for a while. I believe it was just interrupted. It has now resurfaced with a vengeance.
I'm here to tell that yes, you need to own your part in the down fall of your marriage. We all have things that we need to work on. I'm also going to tell you that you could have been the perfect wife and that if your H is going through MLC this would have still happened. There was nothing you could do to stop it and nothing you can do to fix it.
Snodderly has given you wise advice. Go on as if your H will not return. That will prepare you for whatever way your sitch turns out. Knowing that you can handle things without him gives you confidence. If your H returns you will rely on that confidence to deal with putting your M back together. If he doesn't return, well then you'll already know you'll be OK.
My H also filed for a divorce and we are in the thick of that.
This board and the folks on it literally saved my sanity. I never thought I would say this even though I heard it often enough. I was told that one day I would be grateful for this journey that I was set upon through no choice of my own. You know what? It is true.
Keep posting Rue. We're right here walking along with you.
Same here. 8 years ago, H never filed. This time, he filed after only a few weeks, but that was almost a year ago. I stopped contesting a long time ago, and we just can't seem to get to court.
i feel things are beginning to be so final and theres nothing i can do. I heard from atty today that i have to go sign a counter petition to H petition of divorce. I dont want this but i have to respond. I was also asked my atty to possibly sit down with H and his atty to discuss financial situation. So far nothing has changed in that dept. I hate the word D at this point. This is not what i want but what choice to I have? I havent heard from H for a few days and that bothers me. Has anybody had the experience of going thru the process of divorce but it not happening? I just want a chance to see if our M is fixable. Thats all and if its not then we can proceed but i havent been given the chance.
Seeking answers, thanks for the welcome. When my H left 9 years ago it was very sudden. In fact it was my daughters birthday and after we had a dinner for her he came home and left. He was gone for 3 months. At that time he talked about D but never seemed serious about it. He never filed. This time however he also left very suddenly and when he was confronted with an out of state A it was he instantly wanted a divorce. Called our kids and told them, told me. He waited about 3 months before he filed. It has now come to the part where i have to counter petition his petition and i dont want anything to do with this D. I do not want it. I have very little communication with him. Usually by texts and it cant be anything personal. THe EA was started online with someone he friended and H used to date her 35 years ago. I think he must think he can pick up the pieces where he left off. I want so much to try and work things out. He isnt willing to go see a therapist because he thinks he will just be beatdown and the blame will all be put on him. He takes no blame for what happened. Said its all my fault. I have been trying the LRT and i dont know if its working or not. Ive had no communication with him except he wants to do the taxes. I wish i just knew if he even missed me. What i do feel is that if he even has thoughts about coming home i dont think he knows how to do it. His children have completely written him off. The couple of friends he does have he may think he will look weak he he comes home. Ive offered different ways of taking baby steps to see if anything is fixable and there for awhile i thought he was thinking about it but then i got the papers. Of course when i asked him why he did that he said because i told him to! I dont know the waiting game is killing my heart
