Hi! I posted back in november and got some great advice. Unfornuantly things have been up and down and are now very down. I little background. Me 34 h 34 married almost 10 years. We have a s3 and d5. Found out in November he was facebooking with a female several states away. Broke down stated he was unhappy in marriage talked about seperation but defriended her on facebook. We stayed together and things improved through the holidays. Shortly after jan 1 he started acting very strange and pulling away. Had antoher r talk around the end of Jan where I confirmed he was still talkng with her, making phone calls and even flew up to see her. He did not admit to this his best friend told me everything. I took a stand and said end it or move out. He stated he wanted to save his family couldn't imaging life without us etc. Well I just found out she had posted pics on her facebook profile this weekend of pics of them together and he had a seperate fb page. He stated he didn't set it up she must have. Now he is back to saying he has been unhappy for 2 years and it's not about her. He is on travel this week and I have no idea where we stand. Obviously I tried to set boundies but that was a waste because he did not follow them and I did not follow through. What do I do at this point.
Good for you for making the stand before. You said you made boundaries with him and he broke them. What did you say you were goingto do if he broke the boundaries?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I told him Jan. 31 after his friend told me about the extint of his involvement with this other women he had to stop all contact or move out. He stated he didn't want to lose his family and would stop all contact. Then found out this past weekend she had posted pictures on her fb profile of him and her. I confronted him and at first stated it was a pic from along time ago, but based on what he was wearing I know and he confessed it was from a trip in Jan. I asked him to tell her to take it down but it is still up 3 days later she just put a bunch of blocks up so you can't get to her profile. He is back to saying he is not happy and hasn't been for two years its not about her blah blah. He started sleeping in the spare bedroom after his trip to see her and started moving money around.
What should I do at this point. I did 180's, I changed things he stated he did not like about our relationship and myself. I truly feel like a better person at this point. But it has not been enough. His EA just intensified during all this time. He states he doesn't have a plan that he is just going day by day. Should I detach at this point? and if so what does that mean, if he is still in the same house?
Sorry. I have never used boards before so please be patient with me Boundries: I told him he would have to move out if he continued to have contact with her. I found out he still has and she even posted pictures on facebook. He refused to leave. What do I do now? One minute he says he doesn't Want to lose his family and the next he says maybe we would be better not together and he would be a better dad.
Sandi2, Your are right. They are useless because I didn't follow through. Some part of me wants to believe he still wants to save this somehow. I feel so pathetic. He did change meds and is doing better on them, but still drinking. He tries to slow down but has not stopped. Part of the 180's I tried to do in the begining was trying to do more for him. His complaint was that I was so focused on the kids and did not support him and alway put him down for not helping. He is away on travel now and I have not called or checked in with him like I normaly do. What should I be doing at this point? Detach, live like roomates back off....I have no clue.
Interesting to read your sitch Riley...I think it's time to enforce those boundaries...if he won't leave, then is it possible for you to leave?
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Navyguy, Thanks for responding! No I can not move out. We have two small kids and I work from home. We have no family around here (6 hours away). I can not afford to go anywhere at this point. Open to any suggestions. I want to save my marriage but he is cake eating (I don't know if this is the right term)? I have a feeling he is forming some exit plan at this point. If he files before june 9 I will not be able to touch his retirement account if we did divorce. Money if very important to him and it would be a lot to divide.
