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You're only a dorrmat if you feel like one 9. I still feel good about myself for how I am handling my situation, so for me, I do not feel like a doormat, however I can see how that could change over time.

I guess I think, as long as what you are doing is best for YOU, you are doing the right thing.

Ninelives
I hope your not planning on leaving the community. Your input is always good and I hope it keeps on coming. Your comment on us being a doormat has often crossed my mind. No man wants to feel this way, but your only a doormat if YOU choose to be. No woman wants to come back to a man who allows himself to be controlled. I believe that is why our reconciliation this summer didn't last. I went along with everything she said because I was afraid to rock the boat. Well here's the truth, women love to try to fix men. Its just there nature. They are built differently then us. If you don't agree with something she says, don't hide it. Don't be an a$$, but let her know you aren't afraid to show people what you believe in. Women are attracted to that. Remember guys this isn't some random woman we are after. This is our W. They married us bc they felt that, above all men, we were there perfect match. A real man made just for them. I doubt there taste in men has changed...be that MAN she chose

Just had a lovely conversation with the W... I was happy and energetic, as was she. She was out at home depot getting stuff for her fabulous new apartment.

I had to call to let her know about my new trip schedule, and make arrangements for our D and the cat. We also had some idle chit chat. She brought up finances a bit. She is being completely agreeable on all of that, which were my proposals on how it should work. She transferred the money she owed me for Feb this morning, and is making arrangements for automatic transfers going forward.

Not much else discussed, she mentioned she still needs to get a crib for our D, she has been using the pack ‘n play. So she is moving full steam ahead, not that I am surprised by any means.

Still strange to me how nonchalant all of this is. We just talk like nothing has changed basically. Just weird I guess.

I am not saying it is inappropriate.

I am saying you may be setting yourself up for disapointment if you are expecting your W to react or act the way you would like her to.

That is attaching yourself to her.




Yes you should look back and own the things you feel you should change.

Changes that align with who you want to be.

Any other changes...like those you make to get the M back at all costs will not have longevity.

Not saying you are in danger of doing that Country BUT

If you focus too much on your W you will miss the big picture

There is a time for the two of you to take a hard look at the M and how you both contributed...

to its demise.

We chase that which runs away from us.

What does it look like when YOU are willing to risk YOURSELF in a new R with your W?

I do not disagree with anything you are saying, I am simply being honest with myself and what I want. You mention missing the big picture, but that is exactly what we will do if we are not honest about what we want and what we want to achieve. Yes, we need to focus on ourselves and the changes we make need to be genuine. If they are not, you are 100% right, they will not last. But what IS the big picture? For me, it is doing those things I know I need to do to fix myself, with an ultimate goal of saving my M. Let’s not forget that part.

I do not believe I am setting myself up for disappointment, because, realistically my expectations are almost zero. I keep hope, I try to be positive, I try to be an optimist, but I know my chances of saving this M are slim. That is not going to keep me from trying. And I am not going to base my goals off of fear that I might not achieve them.

I am going to keep on truckin’. I am going to continue to work on myself. I am going to keep hope. I will not fear failure.

Ah, back home for another quiet evening. I can think about going out on some of these nights, but any more, after work I just want to relax.

Decent day. Had the call with the W this morning which I mentioned. She later text'd me a pic of our D, that was nice but I didn't reply. That is hard to do, because I do enjoy getting them, but oh well, I am lucky that I still have 50% time with my D.

Then this afternoon at work, had an hour or so of weakness. I even wrote my W a letter. Didn't send it of course, doubt I ever will. If I did it won't be for quite a while, I am determined to keep on my current track for a while. I am not opposed to trying something different at some point, but I know my W is nowhere close to changing her mind, I would want to see something there before I try anything like that. Later in the day, I snapped out of it, feel pretty good this evening.

So how is it out there in crazy land?

hi country
i think you and i are sort of parallel
i'm glad you didn't send the letter
i did that a few weeks ago and it did nothing but make me regret that i typed it

and yes, how hard is it not to reply?
but in this sitch, that is the right thing to do

hang in there

and it is crazy, in crazyland!

Hey grr, it looks like I might be single here pretty soon, what's your number?


JUST KIDDING!


You know, just writing the letter was actually kind of cleansing. I noticed after I was done, that it had actually kind of gotten me out of my funk. I actually might do that again if I am feeling that way, you get to say what you want to say, without actually saying it! Wow, don't know if that makes sense...

You're right, always crazy in crazy land!

I've been contiplating writing one of those letters myself. I think I will try soon. I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head I think it would be good to get them out on paper. Might be helpful to prepare myself if the situation ever arises were I can tell my wife how I feel. May be sooner than later...who knows. Have a good ya'll

Another day in crazy land... I have my D tonight, that will be nice.

Had an "episode" last night. As I was lying in bed, I started to get "visuals" of my W and OM. This hasn't been much of a problem for me, overall I have been able to put it out of my head. It hurt. I took my ring off and threw it onto the bedside table.

Feel better this morning, put the ring back on.

Patience is still by biggest problem, I want SOMETHING to happen! This holding pattern is getting old...