Denver I really like what you have been telling Country about his sitch. My own WAW acts very similar to his. I know the OM is still in the picture but she contacts me and wants to have this nice convo. I like our talks, it feels good to talk to her, but I feel like I'm really being made a fool of. I don't want to not answer her call bc that was one of the problems in our M. I would never be by my phone and call her back when I felt like it.
I have my D2 this weekend and I will bet dollars to donuts that I will get the same text from her I get every weekend I have our kid..."How's D2? I miss her."I usually say she is fine and maybe send a pic. Same old routine. I want to respond in a more productive way but don't know how. Any advice?
Going dark nowadays, in this technology crazy world, is not easy. My biggest problem is fb. I can check it on my phone easily. Just today I've seen a few things my friends have written that I want to comment on. However, I know my wife and I are friends with a lot of the same people and she will see anything I write. I also can see anything she writes...can be gut wrenching! Her current status is "happy about so many things...." Our D2 is with me so my wandering mind can assume this relates to the OM. She really likes to kick me in the old gonads. I will stay dark and press on
Iwl, Dude, I am sorry that I have not kept up with you. The BITS membership is growing so fast I cannot keep up with it all. I only have about 90 minutes a night to work on this and this is not enough time any longer. I just noticed that there was a point where 5 days lapsed between your posts and no one helped. I am very sorry about that. I have not dedicated as much time to this lately due to work and my own despair. I do believe my own M is just about over and I don't know if there is much that can be done to save it. My W had decided to move own and I have decided that I am not going to try to stop her. I will continue to do what I can to help you. I am very sorry that you are not getting more attention. Try to post a little something each day so that others will see you are active. Take care!
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBd
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
I would tell you the same thing that I told Country... go dark as possible. If she asks how your D is, respond with a polite, but VERY short, answer. Don't send a picture. I assume that she sees your D, right? So your W isn't going to forget what her D looks like. If she wants to see her D every day, well then, she shouldn't have left the M and had an A. That's the way that I see your sitch right now.
FB can be good and bad IMO. It provides a window into the WAS's life, which yes, can be gut wrenching. But it also provides the WAS a window into the LBS's life. You can use this to your benefit if you are GAL. You can post pictures or messages that show that you are JUST FINE on your own and that you ARE have a good life without your W. This can cause the WAS to become curious about what you are doing. This is good and something you want to have happen.
Only you can decide whether or not you can stomach what you see or read looking through the window. If you can't, then get off FB. But I would try to deal with it so that you can use the benefits of the FB window INTO your life. It was a powerful tool in my sitch... but I didn't have to deal with anything bad looking into my W's life either.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
FOBD Thanks for checking in on me. I am so sorry to hear your sitch isn't going well. I haven't heard a peep from my W since Wednesday. I wake up each day more and more fearful that she is truly done with our M and I have never been so sad in my life. She knew my sister was coming to watch our D2 last night so I could go see a band with my friends, but chose to go out in milwaukee instead. A chance for us to actually hang out and she chooses to pass on it.
Denver What you say is right. She is the one having the A and chooses to not see her child. I have been to weak on this, have sent many pics, we both do. I didn't know I could miss someone this much. When she was over here to discuss us, she made a comment that she never has an "I miss IW" moment. That keeps playing in my head. It's hard to go out and see other couples so in love. All I can think is, that used to be us!
Hey iwllbd1, I was able to get caught up on your sitch this morning, wow, we are in a similar boat! I think the tough situation we are in is how nice our W's are being, and how much contact the make. There is a fine line there between staying happy and pleasant and getting them to a point where they miss us. Where they realize they are missing their family. As you can see in my thread, I have had a hard time knowing how to balance this. I also have a call with one of the DB coaches on Monday, I will address these questions with her and let you know how that goes.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Country I'm looking forward to hearing what the DB coach has to say to you. I haven't been able to come up with the finances yet for my own. It is hard to know how to address our W. Part of me wants to just scream at her for the A, and say how could you do this to us. I can't understand how a person dan be doing something they know is tearing you apart and then call you with a big smile and say "hey how's it gong." Again I just want to scream at her, but in my mind I have to tell myself that this person I am talking to is NOT the person I love. I also know to flip out will only justify her actions in her mind and drive me further from my goals. If we ever are to reconcile, the OM issue must be addressed. However, as horrible as it may be, I must ride this out and be the better man. The one she chose to marry above all other men. The one she chose to have a child with. I am the better man
When she was over here to discuss us, she made a comment that she never has an "I miss IW" moment.
My W told me on December 22nd, very nicely too, that she just didn't miss me... ever.
Don't worry too much about that IW. All you can do is control your choices and actions...
Focus on yourself... be that person that she fell in love with in the first days of your R...
She'll miss you then...
But ... it just may be too late for her...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
However, as horrible as it may be, I must ride this out and be the better man. The one she chose to marry above all other men. The one she chose to have a child with. I am the better man
THAT is RIGHT IW...
No question in my mind...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
