Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Sitting at home with myself.

Blah...my kids are sick...D has strep, S has an ear infection. I so wish I could hold them right now and tuck them into their beds.

Considering talking to BIL and/or SIL (W's S) while I'm in Colorado... I'm worried that they might think I'm ok with the situation and not being near my kids and how that could be affecting their perception of me...just want to make sure they know how hard I'm trying to save my family. I know this is contrary to LRT...but feel like I'm getting to the point that I need to do this. What's everyone's take?

Using family and friends is like throwing a boomerang.

Approach with caution

I agree here. I am very close with my in-laws. I have spent more time with them than my own parents, since my wife and I have been married. I can honestly say that they love and treat me as if I am their own son.

I have not had any communication with them at all, since the I approached my my wife about the affair weeks ago. It is killing me, but I have learned to accept that this is her family. I need to back off, as it is none of my business how they treat this situation with their daughter. 2step is correct. Proceed with caution.

Agree with 2step here, that is a dangerous road. I tried early on with my W's parents, needless to say, that did not go so well...

Navy, tread lightly. I don't think there is anything wrong with going to them and letting them know that you still want to stay in the M and do what is best for the kids and the family. But, don't elaborate or beg, plead or cry. Just assure them that you are not OK with what is going on and that you are willing to do what is best for your M and your family. And, just leave it at that. Remember, whatever you say to them will get to your W. EVERYTHING!

I don't know if you have kept up with my sitch from the beginning, but my FIL (who has been one of my very best friends for 15 years) turned on me a couple of weeks ago. Remember, blood is thicker than water, ALWAYS.

But, I don't think there is anything wrong with briefly letting them know that your family is the most important thing in the world right now. JMO.

BITS never walk alone!!!

FOBD

I am glad you wrote this, because I have been experiencing the same thing. In my situation, my W has prevented me from speaking to her parents all together. I was even surprised that they never contacted me. I believed my wife that they were horribly embarrassed and humiliated by her actions. I just wanted to talk to them and tell them that, however horrible this has been, I am completely committed to saving our marriage and will do anything for their daughter and their grandson.

My wife and the advice on this board has talked me out of this. They think that the family relationship is one I should stay out of, no matter how strong I think my relationship is with them.

Just hard not to reach out in the slightest, but I will stick with the advice her and avoid it for now.

Blah...went to the doc today and got some AD meds. I am just tired of feeling like crap all the time.

Is there anything I should be careful of while on it as far as my DB'ing efforts go?

Well, I chatted with BIL on FB last night. He didn't even know W and kids were not at home or have any clue what was going on.

Not sure what the effect is going to be, but he was understanding and eager to help. I told him that I am doing everything I can to make things right. He then offered to talk to W (I didn't ask). Hopefully W will understand why I did it.

My exact sentiment. I so wanted to contact my W's family and talk to them. Oddly though there's been 0 contact from them. I called and talked to MIL twice. Seems like they have just given up or supporting her, but they never got back. So i gave up on them helping our marriage. Some days i wish my W's family help her see how she's destroying the family fabric. But sometimes i wonder if they are actually fueling the fire.

Team, again I can't stress this enough. Be careful with the IL's. I don't care if you have been in a M for 40 weeks, 40 months or 40 years. Blood is thicker than water. I don't care how nice your SIL or BIL seems right now, when the rubber hits the road, they will chose family first. Don't involve them. You are setting yourself up for failure.

Look, for 15 years, my MIL would take me aside and tell me that I was the son she always wanted. One week after my W left, I stupidly walked into the snake's den (her living room) and tried to apologize for what had happened. She went off on me. Told me that I had mistreated her D and that I was getting what I deserved. She also told me that I never made her feel welcome in my presence. Are you kidding me??? What I didn't know is that for well over a year before my W left, she was dumping all our dirt on her mother. I thought our problems were contained, but they weren't. Turns out my MIL was waiting for over a year to get back at me and I gave her the chance. A few weeks ago, my FIL followed and turned on me too.

Yes, they are going to offer to help. But, it may not be the kind of help you were hoping for. To some of them, regardless of what they say to your face, you aren't blood. Hell, you are only family by the piece of paper you signed on your wedding day. And they will get rid of you just as fast as your W tells them to...

OK, I am done. Just some words of advice from someone that has already been burned by that fire!!!

BITS never walk alone!!!

FOBD