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Ms. Rae, how are you?? You've gone dark on me again.

Pink shoes... I like it! I have my first pair of leopard print. I don't have pink... I might have to do that. With all this working out that FOBD got me into, I need a whole new wardrobe. Kind of having a blast with that!!!

Thanks, Sparks and 2Step. I know everyone is right...

I really had a good night despite my little disappointment. Thanks for all the thoughts and opinions, though. They really settled me down and made me understand that I was overreacting.

LIS

Nice Firstlove!! I definitely think that is a positive step forward! Nicely done. Bravo!

BITS
Denver

maybe he just looked yucky and wanted to make sure he was well rested before he saw you

that is highly likely

hang in there, things are looking so good for you

you have all the time in the world

“A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally stopping before it gets there.”

Lis

I thought of you when I read this.

Don't know why...............

Dear BITS - encouragement is such a shot in the arm, literally, thank you all for your well wishes and prayers - it means so much to me to be in this community of like minded dreamers for abundant marriages- in the words of John Lennon "I'm not the only one".

Scylla, Mark and Lis - thanks for jumping in and sharing on my joy here - that means a lot to me it really does - thank you for your support.

Lis - sorry to break the rules of your thread here - so here is a WRITTEN invitation to the party :)- come on down to the front row and smile, you are always welcome at any celebration.

You are a wise woman for sure, one of True Grit and I appreciate your prayers on this.

Mark I hear ya friend, and I will keep my expectations in check this evening, this is the absolutely FIRST sign in over 5 months now that my dear W has shown in towards anything that could even hint at a desire to build a new relationship with me - absolute FIRST. Would it not be odd if an old friendship with people we have not see in 26 years could be the catalyst and the first step towards building an abundant marriage for us - perhaps our old friends are angels sent by God to sew a fabric anew - God does work in mysterious ways that is for sure.

I begin each day in the early morning light reading aloud 1 Corinthians 13:4 - so I will share that with all of my BITS here this morning.

"Love is patient love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance"

After the bomb was dropped back in Sept 2010, I headed to our church's men's retreat looking for both answers and direction. One of the men I met in the room I bunked in gave me some very simple yet sage advice, and that was to do what he has done for the past 30 years in his marriage that bears much fruit - he told me that he starts each day reading what true love really is (above) and that as he listened to God's word on how he should love his wife, he knew how he should be conducting himself that day - and he did that every day for the past 30 years - he just looked at me and said - give it a shot, what do you have to lose.

So, I left the mountain and came back and started to do that, each day. Everyday that I found that my desires and my wishes and my needs were not being met and my W was not "responding" to my pleas for building an abundant marriage with me, I was so frustrated and just wanted to literally give up and quit trying because I was so sure that it was ONLY me who wanted to build a new marriage. Everyday I read that Love is patient and it endures through every circumstance.

Just the other morning I was in my quite time with God, starting the day out seeking His guidance and His plan for my life, and I remember praying that my W would soften her heart and at least begin to have hope for our future and for her to respond to my consistent offers of love and restoration, all of which she simply ignored and went on her own way. I remember praying, asking God why my W was so resistant to my desires for us to have an abundant love filled relationship and what was His purpose in her continually rebuking me and my offers of love. Here is literally what God spoke to me in that quiet time in the early morning just a few days ago "Oh, your question to me is why is your W acting towards you EXACTLY the way YOU have acted towards me, God, when I have offered my love to you and my peace and my forgiveness for your sins that you have committed against me for so long. You are asking me to explain to you how your W could be so selfish, self-centered and rebuking the offer for an abundant life based on true love. I have an answer for you young man, she is being so selfish, stubborn and independently going her own way, because she is EXACTLY like YOU".

Talk about the proverbial 2x4 slamming across your forehead. It became perfectly clear to me that my W has been treating ME just like I have been treating God for, well, pretty much my entire life - ignoring Him and the offers of true love that He brings to me and offers to me each and every day, and I have consistently said to Him, uh - no thanks, I think I will do this life thing my way on my terms, I am sure it will work out just fine, but thanks for the offer God.

Sooooooooooooo my dear BITS, when I got the email last night telling me that she would in fact join me for this dinner with friends, I was the MOST stunned I have been in my entire life, I truly was. I think I was even more stunned because my W had dropped our adult son off at our house and did not even come in to say hello to me. It was raining here and she picked him up at a bookstore and drove him home - he was on his bike. So when she just drove up, dropped him off and then drove off without coming in, I thought to myself -well THAT is certainly the answer to the invitation to dinner. The depression roller-coaster started again in my heart, with me thinking, this is never going to end and never going to get better. I was telling my DB coach on Thursday this week about the invitation, she told me to just be "patient" and "kind" and have "faith" and not seek my "own desires" but think only of how my W is feeling - I know I know - SHOCKING advice (where does she get that wisdom -hmmmmmmm).

My DB coach said this to me. Just wait, I will be shocked if she says no, but you have to just wait and be patient - no matter what she does or does not do, do NOT question her about her answer, let her respond to you. If she says no - thank her for at least thinking about the invitation and then you go to the dinner and enjoy the evening, in fact GAL - and tell your wife that you will bring her good wishes to your friends and that you are sorry that she is not going to be there. Then my DB coach said, "but I think she will say yes" I thought to myself, oh you don't know my wife, she is steadfast against doing anything that would head us in a positive direction, so I am preparing my heart for the "No".

Dear BITS, you could have blown me over with a feather when about 10 minutes after she dropped my son off I heard the "beep" on my computer telling me I had a new email, went over saw it was from her - with the heading "Dinner Invitation" on the subject line and I thought , ok here it comes - the "No thank you" is on the email. To my SHOCK, she said that she has decided to go with me and that I should pick her up at her place at 5:00 today.

I could sure use some sage advice here, especially from the ladies on here as to what NOT to do this evening, I so do not want to blow this and come off looking like a fool. One thing I so want to honestly convey tonight is that I truly do care so much for her and her well being, which I do. But I do not want to over-do anything -this is a BABY STEP, but its the first one in a long long time.

Your advice will be welcomed throughout the day here. And yes, I am very excited about this, very.

Lost,
Hey, sweetie, I'm back. Trip was fruitless, but at least I was out of town for some time. I just got caught up on your thread. Man, I am going to have to sit here for hours trying to get caught up on all the BITS. Sounds like you made some nice progress while I was gone. I am very excited. When is your date with your H? Please post the details when you get a chance. Still no contact from my W. At this point, she only contacts me when she needs something. Otherwise, total darkness.

Look, I really think you can save this thing if you want to. No doubt! And, I don't know if this matters, but I want you to. Please, it will be worth it. I love your goals/rules for the future. I am going to adopt them for myself should I get the chance.

I just wanted to let you and all the BITS know I could not stop thinking about you guys while I was away.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD